Knocking Down the Wall
by JC
Summary: Sequel to building up the wall. Can our favourite Bella girls help Beca knock back down the wall she built after her attack! Contains: Drug use, Alcohol abuse, Physical Violence and Rape
1. Chapter 1

**Knocking Down the Wall**

Beca's eyes went into silts before she carried on walking this time quickly towards the door.

It was easy for Lily to catch up with her, matching her two strides with one. Plus, she was fumbling with her car key. "Beca… Wait!"

"There's nothing to talk about! I actually preferred you to be silent." Beca almost shouted out but she couldn't find her voice. Lily stopped in front of her and took the key out of her hand not missing how she was shaking. "Let me drive you back, you have been drinking. I promise not to say a word." Beca just nodded and willingly gave her the key.

The drive to Beca's was done in silence. Lily opened the door to let them both in not missing the mess it was in and noticing the drug paraphernalia that was laying around. As promised, Lily did not say a word. "Welcome to casa a la Beca." Beca said in a mono tone voice. Lily just nodded and put her hand in her pocket to get her mobile to start ringing for a taxi.

After a bit of hesitation Beca stopped her. "Do you want coffee or anything? You can stay overnight…" After looking around her flat. "…If you can find some space. A taxi will cost a fortune." Lily nodded. "This doesn't mean we get to talk about what you had said." Again, Lily nodded. "I just put the kettle on and you can tell me what I have been missing."

After Lily and Beca caught up she felt sleep catching up with her, standing up she made her way to her bedroom, returning to give Lily a blanket. "Thanks for staying over. I forgot what having company feels like."

After spending the most of the day travelling to find Beca Lily too lay back and closed her eyes as sleep also caught up with her.

* * *

Beca closed her eyes, but night like all another night since the incident happened her sleep was not a peaceful one. Her dreams actually nightmares always fall back to that day.

 **After coming down from the high she was in after winning the worlds she went to the bathroom, thinking she was alone, when she saw Kommissar, blocking her. "Hey! No hard feelings? You were great…You Goddess…" Damn! Beca gave out a nervous laugh. "Sorry…I promise I will control that." The German said nothing as she strokes her face with the back of her hand. "What are you doing?"**

" **Nothing that you haven't already voiced." Before she surprised Beca with a backhand to her face and pushing her towards one of the stalls. "Please…Don't…" Beca whispered aloud as Kommissar easily grabbed her small wrists in one hand and cupping her breast with the other, before ripping the jacket apart. She started of gentle knowing Beca subconscious had some sort of feelings towards her and if touch the right spots she knew she will get the reaction she wanted. Beca's mind was shut off as it brought back the memory of what happened with Casey in high school.**

 **As Kommissar's hand heading down south inside her to reach her desired target to get the reaction she wanted it was easy for her to find her other pleasure spots and got the reaction she wanted, resulting in her gentle touches turning rougher, her kisses turned into biting on her neck and lip causing her to drew blood that she sucked in. Her fingers inside her also turned rough pushing further and harder that Beca was not prepared for it, Beca winched as she felt Kommissar's nails scratch inside her, feeling Kommissar's thumb pressing on her clit roughly pressing down also. Her cry 'No' came out more of a whimper then a shout not sure whether the German heard her or not and if she did she just carried on as normal.**

 **No matter telling herself that she did not want this and it was wrong, her body still reacted to Kommissar's touches no matter how rough she had become and she couldn't stop her body from the juice that came out of her or the groan from both pleasure and pain that escaped from her lips. Giving Kommissar what she was seeking and showing Beca her smirk before unbuttoning her jeans and roughly pushing them down along with her underwear. 'No…Please…Stop…' Beca begged this time a little louder, again trying to push Kommissar off her only resulting having the woman pushing her body further into Beca to give the petite Bella limited room to push her away.**

 **All Beca's fight have left her body as her mind has now shut off all memories that happened with Casey in high school resurfacing she had no upper strength left and let Kommissar continued with her assault.**

 **Kommissar's tongue replaced her fingers lapping all of Beca's juice, Beca's tears flowed a drop landed on Kommissar's hand who looked back at her and again smiled, once she finished she pulled up Beca's underwear and jeans seeing the girl in front of her frozen still she rebutton her jeans, but before lapping up Beca's tears and trying to force another kiss, as Beca turned her head away not wanting to have to taste herself on Kommissar's lips. Kommissar grabbed her chin to face her giving Beca no choice but having those lips and her own scent forced upon her. Kommissar finally licked up her many tears that had fallen. Before giving Beca room and admire her handiwork on breaking the girl down.**

" **Clean yourself up…" Kommissar ordered as she handed Beca some tissue.**

 **Once Beca tried her best to clean herself up, she moved away from the tall woman wanting to head to her hotel and get in a much-needed shower, to make herself clean again. As Beca was starting to find her strength again to move she flinched when Kommissar grabbed her arm and pushed her back hard into the metal wall, she was shaking even more. "Who said you can leave? We have not finished. You need to have something to eat."**

" **I'm not hungry." Beca in her state no getting the double meaning of Kommissar's words until she followed the German's eyes down. "I'm still not hungry." The comment result in a slap. "Eat me." Kommissar ordered giving Beca another slap as again she refused. Kommissar grabbed Beca's hair tight and whispered in her ear. "Do it else I take my frustrations on… What is the red head's name?" Beca could not let that happened whether it was a threat or not.**

 **Beca was beyond terrified she could not move a muscle no matter what was at stake. So Kommissar gave her a helping hand by giving Beca a hard punch into her stomach then forcing her down onto her knees. One hand holding the back of Beca's head the other unbuttoning her own jeans. "Eat me." When she saw Beca still hesitating she gave Beca another slap. "The sooner you do it, the sooner this will be over and I won't go after the red head." Not given Beca much of a choice she forced herself to give what Kommissar wanted.**

 **Feeling the pressure of Kommissar grip on her head she tentative started to give the leader of DSM head whilst stopping more tears coming down.**

 **As Kommissar came she pushed Beca's head further deeper making sure the Beca licked her clean. As Kommissar had enough she pushed Beca away, resulting the smaller girl fall on the cold tile floor. Kommissar gave a swift kick to Beca stomach before whispering. "I win! I always win." As Beca heard those words her body shut down She picked up the Bella and forced another kiss on her…**

 **That's when both Chloe and Lily decieded to use the toilets stopping at the sight before them. "Bellas." Kommissar greeted before leaving. "Beca? What the HELL! How could you?"**

" **Chloe…" Beca tried to carry on to explain but stop as she did not know what to say plus shame of what happened crept in. Lily just stood there and watched Chloe turn and leave and she was going towards Beca. "Lily…Make sure she's okay… It's not what it looked like" She saw Lily's concern for her. "I'm fine please go after her." After a few seconds, Lily went after the red hair Bella, not before seeing and hearing Beca throwing up.**

Beca woke up with a start 'shit!' she turned her head towards the door and wasn't surprised to see Lily leaning onto the doorframe, concerned.

Lily at first did not move, it wasn't until she saw Beca trying to hold her pain and resulting her shoulders to shake. She went over to Beca sitting next to her knowing not to touch her in this state and patiently waiting for permission to do so. After a few minutes, she felt Beca arms around her taking it as a sign Lily hugged her back.

No words were said from either of them Lily pushed herself up to the headboard and just held onto Beca reassuring her it safe to sleep as she will be there when she wakes up.

* * *

Beca's eyes open suddenly as she began to panic seeing the empty space beside her, before she smelt some breakfast cooking, she smiled 'bless her' knowing the Lily had indeed stayed and was cooking breakfast.

"Morning!" Lily greeted as she saw Beca leaning on the doorframe watching her. "I made breakfast."

"So, I see…" Beca went to join her. "…Smells nice."

"I went to the nearest store seeing as your fridge was empty. When was the last time you ate anything decent?"

"It has been awhile." Beca admitted. "Lily… about last night, I did not what you to see that."

"I know." Lily gave a small smile. Lily placed a plate of bacon, pancakes and hash browns with a cup of coffee. After both starting to eat in silence Beca broke it wanting to know her answer to her question from the previous night. "You never told me the real reason you're here?"

"The truth?"

"Please!" Lily sighed. Beca watched as Lily was now the one to hesitate and play with her mug of coffee. "I mean…Last night you gave me space before you waited for me to hug you. How…" Beca did not want to push her, but deep inside she already knew the answer.

Lily took a deep breath before she spoke. "Because it happened to me..."

TBC...


	2. Lily's Story

**For RJRMovieFan - Thank you, for your review! For both this story and Building the Brick Wall! Just for you I post this chapter! Now about the other Bellas! Do you really want me to spoil it? :)**

 **Chapter (Lily's Story)**

Beca turned away and bit her bottom as she can feel herself welling up. She turned back towards Lily and placed her hand on top of Lily's. "I'm sorry."

"It happened years ago. I know it doesn't seem like it, right now but it does get better you will move on from this."

"You don't have to tell me."

"I know…" Lily gave a smile. "…But you need to hear it. To learn to move forward with your life."

"I don't think I can…" Beca admitted. Lily showed Beca the empty baggies that she collected when see cleared up her flat. "You want to let her win by carrying on and slowly killing yourself with these." Beca could not answer her.

* * *

Taking a deep breath Lily carried on. "It happened on a night out, I was enjoying myself wearing this killer dress that showed off my figure. Had a few drinks to get lost in the mood but aware of my surroundings. Dancing with this guy, flirting with him. He wanted to take things further but I was out having a good time so I thanked him for the dance and carried on enjoying myself. I moved on to dance with other guys thinking I won't see him again. But I wasn't aware that all through the night he was watching me. It wasn't till the club was starting to close that I was starting to going home waiting for a taxi. When he offered to take me home. I smiled at him but decline his offer and told him that a taxi will be on its way. He did not take it well. He just grabbed my wrists and dragging me into the alleyway nearby. Pushing me down on the ground, he gave a kick to my ribs so I would stay on the ground whist he undid his jeans before going on top of me. My mind went blank and I withdraw into myself blocking it all out. I don't know how but it seemed like forever before I found the strength to punch him and put up a fight against him. Before I knew it I was standing up with a broken bottle in my hand and him bleeding on the ground. It was like I was on auto pilot I don't know how I managed to get home, but I did. Looking at it now there's a lot of should've, could've, would've.

I did everything wrong I had shower to wash him off me, I did not report it… I mean I found out later he came from money and his family was well known. Who would have believed me? Over some rich kid who had contacts, right? I thought I would not see him again, but it was about a couple of months before my friends encourage me to go out. I wanted to be and feel 'normal' again.

So I went out starting loosen up and enjoy myself again, when I felt a hand grabbing my arm and looking at my rapist his smile as he reminded me of what he did and how much he enjoyed it. I saw red and again picked up a bottle and smashed it over his head. Not before kicking him in his balls when he was down, I kept kicking him and kicked him in his balls then stamping on them before I felt myself being dragged off and being cuffed."

"You were arrested for self-defence?" Lily smiled. "If I had reported the rape then they might have understood why I did, what I did. But to them that night I was the attacker, I was the one that made the first hit and not him. It wasn't until it went to court that I told them why. It went public…You might have read it one of the headline was 'politician son attacked and accused of rape'"

"You were woman X?"

"Yeah, my word against a politician's son. When I knew who he was I had no hope of seeing justice but I had some satisfaction of knowing that he needed to piss in a bag."

"Lily…"

"I did time in county because of my actions. It wasn't enough I injured him but he was still free whilst I was staring at four walls...

...Then luck was for once on my side… Another girl was attacked by him even losing his balls did not stop him from his attacks. Then more and more woman came forward and in the end it came out that he was a serial rapist and his family had been covering up for him. An appeal on having me released was granted and I won. Whilst for him and his family there was no coming back from that, once the rapes were made public a whole can of worms were opened. I finally had justice and moved on with life, seeking help from professionals and wanting me to be a counsellor for victims."

As Lily finished her story, she saw Beca wipe her tears away...

 **TBC...**


	3. Beca's Denial

**Chapter 3 Beca's Denial**

Once Lily finished her story silence again, damn that silence. "Lily, I don't know what to say."

"I whisper most of the times, because I still feel shut off. A part of me died that night, I won't lie and say it hadn't changed me, because it had! No one asks for that! No matter what you wear or what you say. No one has the right to force you into anything that you do not want to do!"

Beca stood up and started to pace. "Lily, I am truly sorry for what happened to you, but what happened to me was not rape…"

Lily for once raise her voice and it scared Beca. "So what would you call it!? Did you give that BITCH! permission to touch you!? To invade your personal space!? To enter you!? Or is it the fact that it was a WOMAN! And not a MAN! That assaulted you? What I saw on your face that day was not of pleasure but of pain and shame. You also had a go and threw a punch at CR when you thought she made a drunken move towards Stancy!"

"You don't know what you're talking about." Beca argued.

"ARE YOU SERIOULY ASKING ME THAT!? Really? So… You never told her 'no'? To Stop? ALL OF THIS!…" Lily picked the little clear bags and threw them down. "…All your nightmares! Is the result of you having a good time is it? The result of you enjoying yourself! And not trying to block anything out?" Lily challenged. Beca could not look at her, this was the first time that she saw a different side of Lily. A Lily that she did not really know and feeling guilty that she had to bring her own personal scars out in the open to try and heal hers.

Knowing that Lily was right if it had been a man would she have reacted differently? Would she still be in denial of what happened? Beca sat down, brushing her hair with her hand. "Who would have believed me? I mean a majority of the girls knew how verbal I was with what I felt about her. Especially Chloe... The look on her face…She was so angry with me. Who would have believe me that the I was… I was…" Beca was struggling but she had to do it, had to face up to what happened and call it what it was for her to start moving forward and not slowly killing herself. "…Raped by her, by a woman? I mean I thought it was impossible."

Lily calmed herself down and talked to Beca in a more calmer and sympathetic manner. "You told her no and she carried on. Touching where you did not want to be touch. It makes it rape."

Beca let a tear drop as she was finally coming to terms with what happened six months ago. "I would have believed you and so would have the others." Lily comforted the promising DJ. "Chloe looked so hurt, when she walked in."

"I know, I also know how she feels about you." Beca turned to her with a puzzled expression. Before Lily explained. "I was next to you when she told you her regret about not experimenting enough. Remember?" Lily smiled.

"Yeah and when I turned over you licked me on my nose…Why?"

"Because I'm insane." They both laughed. "You need to talk to Chloe, explain things to her, give her a chance and she will understand. Apart from you I only told Chloe on what happened to me. Talk to her."

"I haven't spoken to her since that day, remember? Then the whole Jesse shit kicked off."

"You have to start knocking down that wall of yours and let us in to help you."

"Where do I start?" Lily reached into her pocket and took out her mobile to give to Beca. "Here…Give Chloe a call, she here in LA." Beca gave Lily a puzzled look. "You should know Chloe by now, that when it comes to you she always worries about you."

"So, you really didn't come here alone?"

"No, Fat Amy, CR, Emily, Stancey, Chloe and even Aubrey are here in LA. The rest had moved on but they wished you well. I had to talk to you first beforehand. As I had my suspicion on what might have happened to you to act this way. Talk to Chloe, see a counsellor, see your dad, come off the drugs and alcohol and start rebuilding your life and become the DJ/music producer that you have always dreamt of becoming."

Beca looked at the number and back at Lily. "What do I say to her." Lily seeing the panic in her face, held her hand and smile. "You start with hi and the rest will follow."

"Thank you"

"You're welcome." Lily was about to get up and give Beca some privacy, until Beca reached out her hand to stop her. "Please stay."

"Okay" She replied back and smiled being there for her friend as Beca took the first step to start rebuilding her life starting with pressing the dial button.

It only rang once before Chloe answered. "Lily? Thank god! I haven't heard from you since yesterday morning. Did you find Beca? Lily?"

Taking a deep breath Beca replied back. "Hi"

 **TBC...**

"Beca?"


	4. Chloe's regret

**Here's to you RJRMovie fan for reviewing. For your kind review I thought I treat you to a bit of Chloe! Hope you are happy with it!**

 **Chapter Chloe's regret**

"Beca?" Chloe repeated, after getting no answer the first time. "Yeah…" Beca gave a little pause trying to think what to say next in her head. "…it's me. How are you?" Beca closed her eyes realising how stupid her question was, after leaving the way she did, Chloe would of course feel terrible and worried. There was a long pause on Chloe's end which was not helping Beca's anxiety "…Chloe? Say something! Please! Say anything!... You still there?"

"I'm still here…. sorry, I'm just glad to hear your voice after all this time. Is Lily still there with you?"

"Yeah, you want to speak to her?"

"No it's okay… Are you okay?" Beca needed a moment to think what she needed to say next, but having Lily squeezing her hand for support she could feel her eyes filling up. "Chloe? I need you here with me."

"Give me the address and I will be there." Without hesitating Beca gave out her address.

* * *

Soon there was a knock on her door…. Lily went over to open the door and was nearly knocked over by Chloe rushing over to hug Beca. "I'm so sorry. I don't know why I reacted the way I did. I…"

"I know."

"I give you two some space, I'm going to head back to the hotel give me call when you are up for joining the rest of us." Both Beca and Chloe nodded and watched as Lily exited the flat. "She told you about what happened to her?" Chloe asked Beca. "Yeah…"

"Do you think she will be okay?" Chloe asked Beca as they both watched Lily closing the door behind her, realising how hard it must have been for Lily to open up those memories after so long. "Yeah, after all she got us right? Besides she's strong…I wish I was like her."

Chloe was filling up with tears as she looked around the place and took a closer look at the state of Beca, she was a shadow of her former self. "Oh Beca…" Chloe hugged her friend as Beca could no longer hold back the tears anymore and broke down. "I help you get through this…I promise."

It wasn't until Beca stopped her tears from flowing that she lifted her head up and could have sworn she felt her heart fluttered when she looked into Chloe's eyes. "I should have given you a chance to explain instead of rushing off."

"Not your fault, I did not want to face what happened."

"But still I did not help matters by shouting at you. I should have known something was wrong." Beca saw the regret in Chloe's eyes thinking about back that day.

* * *

 **After composing herself Beca managed to pick herself off from the floor and walked towards the sink to try her best to clean and tidy herself up to cover what had happened before she has a mental breakdown. She struggled to look at herself in the mirror, not wanting to see how broken, tainted and now damaged she looks, when she did managed to face herself in the mirror she was disgusted on her reflection staring back at her, she did her best to calm herself down she took a breath and finally managed to exit the bathroom and face Chloe.**

 **Chloe was mad and the other Bellas saw how angry she looked, when they saw Beca trying to catch up with the red haired they figured it had something to do with her. "Chloe wait…Please…It was not what it looked like." As Beca reached to grab her arm but Chloe turned to face her, her face matching the colour of her hair. "What you tripped and landed on her lips and I'm not just talking about the ones on her face." Beca froze hearing the harsh words coming out of Chloe was like being stabbed in the heart. "That's not what happened…" Beca was panicking and felt her heart race how can she explain in front of everyone as they were watching them, then to make matters worse Jesse was walking towards them. "What's going on?"**

" **Ask your girlfriend." Chloe spat out before leaving Beca to face Jesse alone. "Beca? What happened?"**

" **Nothing…"**

" **If you were arguing with Aubrey I would have believed you. But with Chloe? That was not nothing. Tell me" As he went towards Beca he did not miss how she reacted to his touch. "Beca?"**

" **Jesse. Not now, leave me alone, please." Jesse was shunned as she was again starting to shut him out. Then he watched as she tensed and closed her eyes when he saw the leader of DSM approaching them. "What's this? Trouble in paradise?" Kommissar gloated. He looked at Beca then back at Kommissar. "Leave me alone."**

" **You should be lucky…" Kommissar looked at Jesse, looking all smug. "...Your girlfriend tastes like a fine white wine." Jesse can guess what the argument was about and came up with his own scenario. He looked at Beca, her eyes not opened but when they did he saw a single tear run down her face mistaken it as she being guilty of getting caught 'cheating'. "You and her?" He was shocked and just turned his back on her. "Jesse?" Beca called out when he started to walk. Kommissar smiled and touch Beca on her shoulder not missing her flitch which made her smile even wider as she whispered in her ear. "I told you I always win."**

" **I HATE you!" Beca nearly screamed out. "I will tell them what you did…"**

" **Really?" Kommissar showing she was not fazed by her threat. "But would they believe you? Your comments were… how do your Americans say very vocal?" She smirked. "Good luck with that." Before she walked off.**

 **The journey home was done in silence with both Jesse and Chloe not talking to her and Aubrey giving her death looks, seeing how upset Chloe was, Aubrey decieded to join them back and celebrate at the Bella house, telling the other Bellas that she wanted to help them celebrate but the real reason was to make such her best friend did not get hurt further.**

 **When they finally made it to the Bella house. Fat Amy breaking the sombre mood as always by shouting 'PARTY…We won the worlds bitches.'**

 **Jesse knocked on the Bella's door and asked to see Beca. Beca noticing he was in a drunken state that she had not seen him in before. Guilt of causing him to be in that state waved heavily on her shoulders. "Jesse."**

" **Just tell me why…I know this year we were both busy but I did not expect you to do this to me!"**

" **It was not like that. Besides we were drifting apart."**

" **Are you being serious?" Beca feeling overwhelmed with her own emotions lashed out in anger but still hiding the truth. "We hardly spoke and when I needed to speak to about my internship you did not phone me back."**

" **So you thought that German bitch was better? I heard about your feelings towards her. Was it worth it? Did you get what you wanted from her? Instead of coming to me? Your boyfriend!?"**

" **Jesse…" She was cut off by the stinging on her cheek and seeing Jesse's back and that would have been the last time she saw Jesse.**

 **Fat Amy heard the argument "Are you okay…?" Fat Amy came up to her, missing the way Beca flitch as she put her hand on her shoulder. "…What me to wrestle him Fat Amy style?"**

" **No…Let's get drunk! WE WON THE WORLDS!" Beca putting up a front and wanting to put everything that happened behind her.**

 **Chloe did not want to show how worried she was about Beca when she saw her drinking drink after drink…Aubrey was trying her best to distract Chloe from Beca but she knew Chloe wasn't listening to her…Aubrey then saw Chloe's face as it matched her own, their faces turned to shock as they witnessed Beca shoving CR aside and placing a punch on her cheek.**

 **Along with the other Bellas they went to break up the fight that was going to arise. Fat Amy holding CR back whilst the other girls stepping in between Beca and CR. "CR… Are you alright?" Stancy asked before turning on Beca, shouting in her face. "What the hell was that for? What's wrong with you?"**

" **I was teaching her about boundaries. I heard you saying no and she kept on pushing it." Stancy was in her face. "I said no because we were discussing if I had any girl crushes, she did not believe me. What did you think I said no for?"**

" **I…thought…"**

" **You thought WHAT!?" Stancy snapped. "I mean the way she is with you at the beginning and in the tent at camp…" Beca cut herself off not wanting to say too much but also feeling herself get more and more angry with CR and wanted to smash her face in, as she felt so much anger.**

" **Calm down Beca." She felt a hand on her arm with the mood she was in, she turned and threw another punch on the owner. "Don't fucking touch me!" Hearing the cry of pain, she then turned and faced who she hit. "Shit…Legacy." It was like she was knocked back to her senses when she saw everyone staring at her and Emily holding her nose to try and stop the bleeding. "I'm sorry…I…"**

" **Beca! What the hell is your problem?" Aubrey shouted as she went over to the youngest Bella.**

" **I…" Beca want to tell them, they deserve some sort of explanation but she couldn't voice it. She felt their eyes boring into her. Some angry, some worried and some in shock at just what had happened.**

 **Instead, she turned and ran upstairs, shutting herself out from the world.**

 **She started to pack her things she figured since everyone was mad at her it would make things easier for her to slip away unnoticed.**

* * *

"You needed help and I did not give it."

"I probably would not have accepted it anyway. Besides it was not your fault."

"And it was not yours, you do realise that?"

"I do now…With Lily's help… Jesus…" Beca rubbed her face "…I need to apologise to everyone especially CR and Legacy."

"They will understand." Chloe looked down at her table and picked one of the empty bags. "How long have you been doing this?"

"About five months ago, the first month started with just alcohol but that wasn't enough for me to forget and then I started having flashbacks and the nightmares were getting worse. I started dabbling…I have done some things that I would never had thought of doing, to cope… To lose myself… Drugs is only a small part of it…" Beca looked at Chloe. Chloe waited for her to carry on. "Chloe…" Beca looked down the ground not wanting to face her and bit on her bottom lip this was really hard for her and the shame of not telling her the real truth about how she really got into drugs or the rest of it.

It took a while before she could look into Chloe's eyes and could continue. "…I need help."

Chloe hugged her. "And I will be with you every step of the way." Beca broke down again, as Chloe softly sang Titanium to comfort her.

TBC...

Too dark?


	5. Chloe to the Rescue

**Chapter 5 Chloe to the rescue**

As Beca started to calm down Chloe gently held her chin. "Talk to me." As Beca told her about having sex with the men that she owes money to. Chloe eyes went wide and can feel herself getting angry not believing that Beca can put herself in so much danger. Looking at Beca she knows that Beca did not need a lecture so she took a deep breath and try to come with a plan. "How much do you owe, all together?"

"Fifthteen hundred. Five hundred to the landlord, the rest to my dealer." She turned away ashamed. "Okay…"

"Okay?"

"I give you the money. When do you need to pay it off?"

"The landlord at the end of the week, my dealer however tonight…" She turned away in shame.

"TONIGHT!" Chloe could not help but shout and jumped out of her seat and waving her arms in frustration. "Jesus Beca… HOW CAN YOU BE SO STUPID!?" she turned to see Beca moving away from her. "…Sorry" Beca mumbled, afraid when seeing Chloe suddenly standing up a waving her arms about.

Chloe put her arms down taken in what she just witnessed, this is defiantly not the Beca she knows. "I wasn't going to hit you…Did you think I was?" Chloe asked, hurt that Beca thought that she was going to hit her. "I…" Beca stopped herself from answering her. Chloe took a deep breath and sat back down sighing as Beca came near her. "I would never hurt you, let alone hit you! You do know, that, right?" Beca nodded and apologised. But Chloe was not finished, she did not know how to word what she was going to say next without upset Beca more but it needed to be said. "Have you got yourself checked out? Health wise?" Beca again turned away, Chloe took that as a 'no'. "At least tell me that you used protection?"

"With my dealer, I did…With my landlord he did not like to wear them."

"Could there be a chance of you being…" Chloe did not finish the sentence afraid to hear the answer. "No…Because the landlord gets off by…" Beca felt herself being disgusted about what she had to put up with and how cheap she felt, she tried to block the image of the last time she had sex with the landlord but the image was still there.

* * *

 **Beca saw the eviction notice on her door, she had not pay the rent and was avoiding him, as she ripped the notice off the door she turned and saw him, leaning against the wall, he was waiting for her to show up. "Mitchell, I figured sooner or later you show up. You can't keep on avoiding me. You are two months behind."**

" **I know but I be paid soon."**

" **That's not good enough… I have gone easy on you already I have my own bills to pay."**

" **I know… Can we come to some arrangement?"**

" **Well… there is something we can arrange."**

" **Anything…" Before the word came she already knew what he had in mind by the way he was looking up and down at her. So, she had already prepared herself to block it out. "Open the door…" He demanded.**

 **If she was going to go through with this SHE needed to be the one in control. "Just one thing I am in control…"**

" **Do you actually think you have a say in this?" He bellowed almost laughing at her, Beca's fear was shown she was again going to lose control if she let him have his way with her, she knew she will not survive the ordeal. Not this time. "Listen if I'm in control it will be more mind blowing." She blagged. "Okay, but I get to finish my way." Beca sighed with relief and slowly nodded her head.**

* * *

"He got off by either forcing me to swallow or sometimes having him cumming over me."

"Oh Beca…" Chloe sighed, she could feel her eyes watering up but for Beca sake willed herself not to let her tears out. "…You know we have to get you checked out for STDs, right? Also for your ribs, I haven't missed how your holding on to them." Seeing Beca starting to protest, she wanted to go back to bed, her head was spinning because of all the drinking but she for the moment manage to put that all to one side for the moment. She looked over at Chloe and knew she would not take 'no' for an answer. "No argument!" She demanded "I'm taken you out of here tonight! Get changed and I take you to a walk-in clinic." Chloe stayed where she was as she watched Beca getting up and heading to her wardrobe. "Chloe…"

"Yeah…"

"Um…Thanks…" Chloe could feel herself getting choked up by seeing how bad the situation with Beca was getting all she could manage was a nod.

When Beca got changed in the bathroom she went back to where Chloe stood. Chloe seeing how much weight she had lost held her shock and just quickly took Beca to the nearest clinic. "How long will it take to find out the results?"

"HIV, syphilis, gonorrhoea and chlamydia take up to 7 days." Said the nurse. "You will get the result through text."

Beca then got examined for her ribs and was given a bottle of pain killers, which she handed straight over to Chloe. "You best have control over these… I don't want to be tempted to take more then I need to." Chloe agreed. "Okay, it's a start… Just ask if you can't cope with the pain. I do not want you to suffer more then you need because of your habit…" Beca just nodded her head, not making any eye contact and fiddling with her jacket. "…Okay next stop bank to get the money."

"I will pay you back. I swear…"

"Don't worry about that for now, okay? Let's concentrate on getting you better."

* * *

On that night, Chloe start to help Beca pack, they were interrupted by a loud knocking on the door. Beca told Chloe to stay in her bathroom and not to get out even if she heard screaming. "But Beca…"

Beca without thinking held out her hand out, stroked Chloe's cheek before cupping her chin, her eyes looking deep into Chloe's. A moment's pause seemed like a life time as Beca got lost in Chloe's eyes and the gap between them got smaller. "Chloe, please just stay here. Promise me no matter what you hear or how loud I scream, you stay here. You have help me out with so much already. Please… I don't want you to get hurt because of me. I don't think l be able to live with myself if anything was to happen to you."

Chloe could see Beca was scared herself. "Okay I promise, I stay here."

The knock was getting persisted after reassuring Chloe again she will be fine Beca headed for the door. "About time… I was about to kick the door down…" The dealer stopped as he saw her bags packed. Beca knew how it looked but as she began to explain, the dealer yelled out and turned to grab her by the throat, pushing her against the wall giving her a backhanded slap before punching her in the stomach, letting her slide down the wall, before picking her back up and shaking her by the collar. "Were you planning on leaving without paying? Huh bitch!?" He landed another punch this time in her face causing a split lip and bloody nose.

"Did you think you could run out without paying what you owe me? BITCH!" He threw her against the floor and gave her a kick at her side already making her tender ribs saw. Chloe hearing Beca's screams was heart breaking, she could feel the tears roll down and wanted so much to step out and help her but she had to force herself to stay put as she did not want to put Beca in any more danger.

"Didn't I tell you how bad it will get for you? I warned you!" The dealer screamed at her as he placed another kick on her stomach. "No, don't…" She held her hands up to protect herself and starting to move herself back and out of harm's way, as he was about to give her another kick. "…Please stop! Let me explain! I have your money!" The dealer stopped and grabbed her by the hair, with one hand and almost crushing her hand that she uses to spin with the other, making her scream out in pain and tears run down her cheek. "What was that bitch!? You better start talking or I'll end, your career before you even start it." He warned.

"I said I have your money." As soon as he heard she had his money, the dealer changed his demeanour and let go of his grip on both her hair and hand. Surprising her as he helped her up and spoke in a more calmer manner. "Why did you not say something? I wouldn't have laid into you, as much." He reached into his inside pocket and took out a handkerchief and gave it to her. "I…I…I was not running away from you, I'm trying to rebuild my life and to clear my debt to you." He watched her carefully as she slowly made her way to the table where she picked up an envelope that contain the money and hand it over to him. "Here is what I owe you. That makes us even, right? There's a grand in there. You can count it." Beca watched as he did count the money and was happy with it. "How did you get this in such a short time?"

"You got what I owe you. Does it really matter?"

"I guess not."

The dealer made his way towards the door. Before he left he turned to face Beca, not resisting giving her one more dig before he goes. "I guess you made more on what you really good at. Then being a DJ." The dealer hinted and winked. Beca couldn't help but slap him. "Bastard…!" The dealer just laughed. "…You have your money and I am finally free of you."

"You know how many times I heard that? They always come back for more." He handed her a few bags of various drugs, she did not know why she had accepted them, maybe out of habit. "Think of them as a farewell gift." The guy was too cocky for his own good. "I don't need them…" She began to hand them back over. "…I will kick this habit like I finally kicked you out!"

"Yet you came back to me, but for a different reason. Besides I only offered them to you. I did not put a gun to your head."

"You took advantage of my emotional state…This is YOUR fault! YOU! DID THIS TO ME!" She screamed at him.

"Maybe, but I did not force you and you did not have to accepted it…" He sighed "…Look Beca this is not personal whatever happened between us was different, this is business. Keep the drugs! You want control? Start with them…" He pointed at the baggies that he just gave her. "…You can do whatever you want with them." He strokes Beca on the cheek not missing how she flinched at his touch. "I am sorry for this and truthfully? I hope you do kick it…" He looked at her, focusing mainly on her assets. "…It be such a waste." He turned and exited, before she could chuck the drugs back at his face.

As she closed the door, she closed her eyes and leaned back, giving herself a few seconds of composure before opening her eyes and stare at contents in her hands.

In the bathroom, Chloe not hearing any more shouting or smashing figured it was safe for her to come out.

She almost forgot Chloe was in the bathroom until she saw her opening the door. She quickly shoved the baggies into her pocket not knowing whether or not Chloe saw her.

Chloe with tear stained face went up to Beca she tried to place her hand on Beca's cheek but Beca stopped her. "I'm fine. Honestly, I had worse." Beca smiled despite her pain and found herself wiping the tears of Chloe. "You had worst...? Beca… That guy? He was more of a dealer to you, wasn't he?" Beca sighed. "I promise I tell you everything one day, but can we leave it for now? Please? He has his money and I have my freedom. I just what to clean myself up, pay the landlord and get the fuck out of here."

"Okay…Have you got everything you need?" Beca looked around apart from a few clothes and of course her DJ equipment she did not have much, well not worth taking anyway. "Yeah I got everything."

"Okay I wait here whilst you clean up."

Beca smiled and headed to the bathroom. She ran the taps and washed her face taking a deep breath as she felt both pleasure and pain as the lukewarm water hit her face, as she dried herself off she went into her pocket to have another look at the 'gifts' that was given to her, she had intended to flush them down the toilet but for some reason decide against it and put them back inside her pocket and left to return to Chloe and leave this place for good.

Heading to make her last ever payment to her landlord, seeing what he looked like, Beca winched and not daring to look at Chloe as she was ashamed of what she had to do for him to survive. "Mr Smith, here is the final rent. Whatever is left in the flat you can keep. I won't be coming back."

The landlord looked at her. He made both Beca's and Chloe skin crawl with his smile. "This time is in cash? I was hoping for the other method of payment." He winked, the smile not leaving his face and he turned to face Chloe. "I even give you a month rent free if your friend joins us." Chloe was about to smack him when she felt Beca holding her hand. "Please… Let's just get out of here."

Chloe left it and headed to her car, inside the car she opened the glove compartment to reach for her big sunglasses and hand them over to Beca. Beca decline the offer. "Like that wouldn't draw too much attention."

"Nice to hear you haven't lost your sarcasm."

Beca turned and smile as they began to set off hopefully whatever her future will bring, she looked ahead without looking back.

 **TBC...**

 **Next chapter... will the Bellas welcome Beca with open hands?**

 **Thanks for reading**


	6. Aubrey's Anger

**Here's another chapter... Hope you like! There is a warning in this chapter as I forgot to mention one thing in the summary and I know I forgot to put warnings in previous chapters but hey ho! The story is M for a reason.**

 **Contains a bit of self harm!**

 **Chapter 6 Aubrey's Anger**

The travel to the hotel was done in silence as Beca slept the whole journey.

Whilst Beca was cleaning herself off in the hotel Chloe chose the safe option and phoned Lily beforehand to say they were on their way, instead of Aubrey as she knew Aubrey was still angry with Beca for what happened and how she left.

When both Chloe and Beca reached the hotel that the rest of the Bellas were staying at. Lily warned the others not to be shock on Beca's appearance and just be patient with Beca as they waited for them.

As they entered the room Beca stood behind Chloe but she did not have to worry about anything. "Shawshank!" Amy screamed. "Welcome back!" Amy hugged Beca not realising she nearly crushed the girl. "Sorry…"

"Don't worry about it…It's good to see you." Beca not missing CR and Emily standing back. Beca went up to them. "CR…Legacy…I'm sorry for what I did to both of you. I…Um…I was…Not myself…"

"Damn girl! You have a powerful right hook." Knowing CR had already forgiven her as she went for a hug. Emily however just looked at Beca still a bit fearful of her. "Are you okay now?" She asked still keeping her distance from her.

Beca did not make any effort to get closer knowingly she had to make it up to her. She looked at the girls around her for what seemed like forever she smiled. "I will be."

Beca looked at Aubrey who was just standing there with her arms crossed not making any effort to go up to her and not saying anything to her. Beca could tell that out of the Bellas she was still angry with her and she quickly turned to Chloe. "Bathroom? I just need to have a quick shower."

"It's just through there on your right. You have any clean clothes?" Beca shook her head. "Okay, I will find something and leave it on top of the bed. Then what you say we all go out for a meal, later?"

"Sounds good." Beca took one more look at Aubrey before heading off to have a shower.

Seeing Beca walk off, Chloe turned to face Aubrey. "What's that necessary? You could have at least said hi to her."

"Chloe, I'm still angry with her with what she had done."

"I know but we talked and it wasn't her fault, she explained everything to me and Lily."

"Care to share?"

"It's not for me to discuss."

"Fair enough, but you still want to help her?"

"She needs it."

"She looks she needs professional help. Help that you can't give her."

"I have to try." Aubrey sighed she knew more than anyone how the red head woman felt about the petite brunette. "Chloe…"

"I need to help her…I promise if it gets too much I pass it on to a professional."

"Okay…" Aubrey sighed as she watched as her best friend left to find something clean for Beca to wear.

* * *

As Beca was getting ready for the shower she took the drugs out of her jeans and put them inside her bag, for some reason she at the moment could not bring herself to throw them away just yet. She can feel herself shanking knowing that this will be hard for her but for now she couldn't do that to Chloe.

Holding onto her ribs as she got into the shower relaxing at the clean, hot water welcoming the freshness and getting lost within herself.

She did not know long she had stayed there, until she heard a knock. "You okay?" Chloe asked. "Yeah… I be out in a minute."

"Take your time. There's some clean clothes on top of the bed. To me their shorts so they would be jeans on you." Beca can picture Chloe smile and felt herself smile as well as something else. Her heart fluttering that left her confused. 'What the hell was that?'

* * *

As Beca got out of the shower and began to dry herself off, due to the pain in her ribs she struggled to get changed, she tried to put the top on but the pain was too much so she called out to Chloe. "You okay?" Beca looked embarrassed to ask for help, but she figured if anyone was to see her naked it might well be Chloe. "Um…I need help putting on the shirt." Chloe kept her shock on seeing how badly bruised her body is. "I see if I can find something to put around your ribs." Chloe saw the panic in her face. "Don't worry I be discreet. It needs to be done so you are not in too much pain, okay?" Beca nodded her head the pain was unbearable. After waiting for a few minutes Chloe returned with the first aid box. "Um…You need to drop the towel to give me access…" Seeing Beca hesitating she tried to lighten the mood. "I had already seen you naked so…" But seeing Beca's eyes starting to well up and her body stiffen, Chloe tried to be patient and started to think that Aubrey was right about getting Beca to see a professional. "Beca…" She spoke softly so not to scare her. "You are in pain. I need to do this. I know it's difficult but please trust me."

"I do but…"

"But what? Do you really trust me?" Chloe asked. Beca took a deep breath to calm her down she knows that Chloe would not hurt her but after what happened she felt like she can no longer control her body. "I trust you…I'm just… I'm scared."

"Of me?" Chloe replied, even though she knows the reason why but it did not make her hurt any less. "Not just you, of everyone…I just can't explain it."

Chloe saw a tear escaping from her eye, she kicked herself of being pushy, so instead she took a deep breath and started again. "How about this? I talk through with you what I'm doing as I put the support around your ribs, then if you still need help with putting the shirt on, I will help you then I will leave."

"Sounds okay." Beca did not sound too sure of herself. "Okay, before we start, do you need a pain killer?" Beca looked at Chloe and just shook her head, Chloe understood and carried on. "Okay, if it helps close your eyes and don't think about it."

Beca nodded her head and unwrapped herself and let Chloe help her, as promise Chloe told Beca want she was doing but she did not miss how much Beca was shaking.

Chloe felt her heart break.

* * *

Chloe along with Beca exit the room and meet with the eyes of the Bellas. Aubrey still sending daggers her way but after seeing Chloe looking at her pleading to let it go, Aubrey start to back down, but took a mental note on the way she was holding her side. "Okay, are we ready to go out?" Seeing everyone nodded their head they start to go out.

"So Beca I was thinking how about going back to Barden with Aubrey and I?" Everyone stopped briefly to what they were eating and looked over at Beca waiting for her answer. "I mean until you're ready to come back to LA and relive your dream again."

"Yeah, I'm okay with that as long as Aubrey is okay with it?" Beca could not bring herself to look at the blonde's reaction. "I'm fine with it." Aubrey try to sound happy but as she looked over at Chloe she knew the option was already out of her hands. Chloe took a deep breath before saying the next bit. "Beca… Maybe it's time to see your father. He's been worried about you."

"I…" Beca looked at Chloe she did not want to face her father just yet. "Bumper and I are getting engage. Yep this pony is finally going to be settling down… committed…having sex with just the one person… For the rest of my life…Until death do us part…Is it too late to say no." Amy changed the subject and turned it on her as she saw how uncomfortable Beca was. "I mean Bumper is great…I mean talk about the Duracell bunny... he can go on for ages… And he has buns of steel!" Some of the Bellas had a mental picture of Bumper and grimace at the thought and nearly stopped eating. "Really Amy? Seriously? We're eating here."

"…I know…but I haven't broken the news to my other boyfriends… They be devastated, jumping off roofs and everything. I don't think I can do that to them."

"Do you love him?" Stacy asked. Amy smiled from ear to ear she didn't need to say it vocally as the rest of the Bellas saw her reaction and already knew the answer. "Then you doing the right thing." Beca said. "Speaking of weddings we have finally got a date for our wedding." CR suddenly piped up the rest of the night continued with the rest of the Bella's future plans. Beca was quiet throughout the conversations. "Are you okay?" Chloe asked Beca notice how quiet she's been. "Yeah… I just realised how much I missed this." For the first time in ages Beca threw a genuine smile had everyone smile back at her, even Aubrey lighten up around her, glad to see a bit of the old Beca resurfacing.

However, Aubrey was very observant and could not miss how pale she was and how much her hands were shanking. But as she promised Chloe she did not for the moment say anything.

* * *

After returning from their meal most of the Bellas went to their rooms to sleep, leaving Chloe, Aubrey and Beca alone. Beca couldn't take her eyes of Aubrey knowing that she had something to say and that she was holding back, was driving her crazy. "I know that you want to say something to me. So, say it!" Aubrey looked at Chloe who shook her head. "I have no problem with you and I know what ever happened to you must have been awful, to do want you did. I just need to know if your problem will follow you when we go back to Barden and put us at risk?"

"What kind of problem?"

"I did not miss the way you were shaking at dinner and how pale you look, even more so than normal. Are you on drugs?" Beca looked at Chloe, who was about to speak for her. "I'm not asking Chloe. I'm asking you! Are you on drugs? It's a simple yes or no."

"No…" Beca stopped as she saw Aubrey getting redder and crossing her arms, her eyes glaring at her that Beca had to turn away. "…I mean not anymore. The last time I took something was last night."

"I see… What did you take? And please don't lie to me."

"Um… two lines of coke. Just before my gig." Beca was shaking even more but this time not due to cravings but due to Aubrey's anger. "Have you got any drugs on you now? Again, don't lie to me." Beca was going to admit she did have some but found herself lying to Aubrey. "No, I'm finished with them." Beca was watching Chloe who did not say anything so she was still unclear whether or not Chloe saw what her dealer gave her and if she was covering up for her. "You finished with them? Just like that?" Aubrey questioned, with a raised eye brow. "Just like that…" Beca tried to convince Aubrey.

"Okay, when we get home you are going to rehab."

"What!? I don't need rehab."

"That's what Amy Winehouse once said and look where she is now!" Aubrey said it might be awful but it was the truth. "I am not going to rehab… I am not a junkie!" Seeing Beca getting so worked up Chloe stepped in. "Aubrey…"

"God's sake Chloe just look at her…Go on have a good look!" Chloe faced Beca, she knew Aubrey was right but what she saw was Beca lost and just needed her friends, her 'sisters' around her. "She just needs time, I told you I will help her. You are not given her a chance. She had even gave me her pain medication to control." Chloe cried out and sighed as she realise she let it slip that Beca is on pain medication. The fear of losing Beca when she just found her was Chloe main fear, the red head did not want to lose her again. "You are on pain killers? For what?" Aubrey looked back at Beca and remembered she had been holding her side on and off throughout the evening. "What happened?" Beca looked at Chloe and knew she couldn't hide what just happened to her any longer if she wanted to stay with Chloe and Aubrey. " I…Um…I..." She stuttered.

"JUST SPIT IT OUT, ALREADY! MITCHELL! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!?" Aubrey shouted losing her temper. Chloe saw Beca taking a few steps back and jumped at Aubrey's raised voice so Chloe spoke for her. "She had a bit of a problem, before we left…But it has been dealt with now! It's over!" Chloe paused, not knowing how to say the rest. "What kind of problem?" As she started to move closer to Beca and getting in her face. "I repeat what kind of a problem?" Again, looking at Beca with daggers, taking the bruising around her face, how can she not notice that? "I owe some money to a guy, it got a little out of hand. But it's over."

"Yeah and I wonder who paid it." Aubrey looked at Chloe before tearing another strip into Beca. "This is what I mean about her problems following her. Have you got any idea the danger you not only put yourself in but for Chloe too…?" Aubrey faced back to Chloe. "…And you still think that you can help her?"

"Aubrey…" Beca cut her off and was now pleaded with her to give her a chance. "…I screwed up, OKAY! I KNOW THAT! And I would never, NEVER! Put Chloe in harm's way. I also know I have no right to ask you for this, but all I'm asking for is just one chance to prove to you that I am not a junkie and I am not going to cause further trouble. Please just give me that chance." Beca's pleading had turned into begging.

Aubrey sighed she was tired and all fight had gone, also knowing by looking at Chloe's face how much finding Beca had meant to the red-haired woman, so to have peace she back down. "Okay… But IF and I mean IF you step out of line we sending you straight to rehab even if I have to drag you myself and I promise it would not be pretty." She faced Chloe. "She's your responsibility if you can't cope she's seeing a professional. Do I make myself clear?" She saw both Chloe and Beca nod their heads, She took a deep breath as she has one final thing to say to Beca, before retiring to her room. "For the record, I am happy that you are back and I am willingly give you a chance… But remember you only have one!…" She empathised her point by lifting her index finger. "…It's been an emotional evening, let's go to bed we have an early flight. We're leaving after breakfast."

"Flight?" Aubrey didn't miss the fear in Beca's eyes. "Don't worry after Lily confirmed she found you we brought you a ticket. Why? Have something to hide?"

"No…It's just um…I promise to pay you guys back." Beca let out, all of a sudden feeling like crap, thinking about the drugs in her bag. Aubrey nodded her head and with nothing further being said Beca watched Aubrey turned her back and heading to her room.

Beca sighed before facing Chloe. "She hates me more now then when I first started. Not that I can blame her."

"She does not hate you…" Beca gave her a 'look'. "…At the moment, she does not trust you…"

"That actually sounds much worse." Chloe gave Beca a smile. "…You just have to gain it back by not getting into any trouble and focus on getting better." Chloe's smile dropped as she saw Beca's head drop. "Look…Beca. You have to realise that apart from Lily and I. No else knows what happened to you and I know it's not something you want the whole world knowing. So, unless you want her to know you have to show her you will get better."

"I know…Chloe…Thanks."

"For what?"

"For sticking up for me. You didn't have to."

"I know…"

"I promise you Chloe. I won't let you down." Chloe watched as Beca headed to the bedroom. "Beca!" Beca stopped. "You were telling Aubrey the truth weren't you? About having no drugs on you. Besides the medication?" Beca knew that lying to Aubrey was one thing, but this is Chloe. Ever since she saw Chloe entered her flat she was starting to feel something more than friendship towards her and lying to her now could damage that. Beca turn to face her. "I meant what I said about facing my problems."

"That's not want I asked. Do you have any drugs on you?" Beca really wanted to tell Chloe, she really did but for some reason she found herself lying again. "No, I don't." Beca mentally kicked herself, as she saw Chloe smile. "Good." Chloe walked up to her and gave Beca a hug. "I missed you. I promise I be with you every step of the way."

Beca put on a smile, as inside she felt guilty for lying to her face. "Lets' get some sleep."

* * *

As they entered the bedroom Chloe got a spare blanket out and one of the pillows and started to make herself comfortable on the sofa. "What are you doing?"

"You take the bed I be fine here." Chloe reassured her as she pointed to the sofa. "We can share the bed."

"After what happened earlier I don't want to hurt you." For some reason Beca was starting to panic she did not know why, but she felt… no, she wanted to feel safe and for some reason Chloe made her feel safe. "I…be fine it's just that…"

"What?"

"It's just I will feel safe if you were next to me." Chloe back down when she saw Beca's puppy dog eyes. How can she say no to that? "Okay if that's what you want." Chloe gave Beca one of her night shirts as she changed into her pjs and moved next to Beca. "If you feel uncomfortable just say and I be back on the sofa. Okay?" Beca nodded her head in agreement.

What seemed like forever Beca started to get restless she could not sleep in risk of having nightmares again.

She looked at Chloe who was in deep sleep and had involuntary put her arm around Beca. Beca felt her heart race she needed an outlet to stop herself shanking. The drugs were too far away in her bag and she would be risking waking up Chloe and seeing the disappointment that she had lied in her face. She turned to face a sleeping Chloe and began to stroke her face gently, she saw Chloe smile and let her hand drop down further down to her chest. If she did not have something in her system soon then the only way she could take her mind off was sex but she couldn't take advantage of Chloe, not like that.

* * *

Instead she headed towards the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face, it's only just been over twenty four hours and already she found herself beginning to struggle.

She saw a glass tumbler and wrapped it up in one of the small towels so not to wake Chloe up and as hard as she could, smashed the glass on the counter making sure none of the pieces had fallen out. She needed to get this feeling out of her system before her actions would not become her own.

Picking up a glass shard she held her palm out, knowing that what she was going to do next will hurt and will not be easy on the tough skin but will be easier to hide then if she cut herself on her wrist or any other part of her body. Began to drag the glass shard on her palm, once, twice… three times. Wincing at the pain, feeling the pain and being in pain for now it will have to do. Without facing any ones, wrath. She put her hand in the hot water almost scream out in further pain but managed to bite her lip to stop the scream from coming out.

Once her heart had stopped racing and feeling a bit more relaxed, she began to wrap up the broken glass in tissue and thrown them in the bin. She looked around the bathroom to make sure there was no trace of what just occurred there and she headed back to the bed not disturbing Chloe.

* * *

She was so tired and let her eyes close and she can now drift off to sleep…

 **It was the same screams being let out as it had been in her nightmares, trying to fight off Kommissar, the screams echoing off the walls, feeling every slap from Kommissar gave her, cutting off her airway she could not breathe….**

 _"BECA! BECA!...WAKE UP! WAKE UP!"_

 **Her breathing constricting, her heart racing, as she tried to fight Kommissar…**

 _"BECA! Please WAKE UP! BECA!" **Beca**_ **still screaming at Kommissar to let her go, still trying to fight the tall German off her…**

 _"BECA!"_

 **Beca slowly given up her fight, she could feel herself slipping away, her eyes closing, her breathing shallowing…**

 _"BECA! PLEASE!"_

 **But could just faintly hear something in the distance, making her want to still put up a fight…**

* * *

She suddenly gave a hiss in pain as she felt herself being rolled over nearly fallen off the bed and put her hand on her ribs, feeling her eyes water due to the pain...

...She was now fully awake and turned to see Chloe...

...Holding on to her neck and trying to get the air back into her lungs.

Her eyes went wide as the sudden realisation hit her.

The screams that she heard in her dreams was not coming from her…

… but it came from Chloe.

 **TBC...**

 **What are you thoughts so far?**


	7. Lying For The One You Love

**Here we are if another Chapter:**

 **Thank you as always RJRMovieFan :) hope you enjoy this chapter**

 **And I welcome another reviewer bechloeorbhloe! Thank you!**

 **I don't normally ask for reviews I will leave up to the people reading to feel free and write anything, but every once in a while I like to know if people are enjoying it! :)**

 **Chapter 7 lying for the one you love**

"Chloe…" It came out as a small whisper, panic filled her eyes as she saw Chloe taking deep breaths in but still holding her neck. She got off the bed putting aside the pain that shot out from her ribs which she figured Chloe had to press in order for her to get off. With great difficulty, she started to put her clothes back on and reached for her bags.

Once Chloe got over her shock she went to Beca and hold her hands in the air as not to scare the petite woman. "Beca…Beca… Stop! Put your bags down…" Beca was about to say something, when their bedroom door swung open and Aubrey entered the room. "What happened? I heard screaming…"

"I…" Before Beca got to continue, Chloe interrupt. "Beca was just having a nightmare, I was trying to wake her up. We're fine. Go back to sleep."

Aubrey was not stupid she knew it was more than a nightmare as she saw Chloe absent minded rub on her neck and giving a look towards Beca with her bags in her hands. "Chloe…"

"I'm fine Bree honest, Like I said Beca was just having a nightmare." Realising how stubborn Chloe was Aubrey turned her back and went back to her room.

Watching Aubrey leave and shutting the door, Beca turned to Chloe. "Why did you cover for me? I just hurt you."

"Aubrey doesn't need to know. Besides it was a one off. I know you did not mean it…" Chloe paused and licked her lips she just didn't not know what she would do or cope if she lost Beca again. "…Beca… I just found you! I am not letting you face this on your own…Not this time." Chloe slowly walked up to her and gently placed her hands-on top of Beca's so she can let go off her bags.

Taking Beca's hand in hers Chloe lend them to sit on top of the bed, not missing the hiss of pain. Chloe looked at their hands and turned Beca's over, releasing her hold, she noticed the fresh scratch marks on her palm. "Oh Beca…Why?" Beca saw Chloe's eyes begin to fill up and soon those tears will fall, followed by a few more. She hated herself for putting Chloe through this emotional pain. "I could not sleep and need something…Normally I would smoke weed or have something else to help me relax but…" Beca cut knowing that she only gave Chloe part truth. "…Since I did not have anything and you look so peaceful I thought that…"

"That cutting yourself up will help? Yeah…How did that work out for you? Oh my god! Did you just forget that we had got you tested for STD including HIV! What happens..." Chloe was mad at Beca's lack of judgement, having a moment to compose herself she sighed as she saw how upset and guilty Beca looked, she can feel her heart breaking yet again. "Beca… You're putting too much pressure on yourself, nobody expects you to be well in twenty-four hours, these things take time. I meant it when I said I be with you every step of the way. That means if you having problems with sleep wake me up no matter what time it is…" Beca just nodded not daring to meet Chloe in the eyes. "…Beca look at me…" Beca looked at Chloe their eyes meeting each other. "…Promise me if you feeling like this again. You tell me!" Seeing Beca nod in agreement Chloe smiled. "What you say we go back to sleep? I take the sofa…"

"No, you need your rest, I take the sofa besides it's more or less same size of a bed to me then you." Beca smiled, which Chloe fell in love with and agreed. "Chloe?"

"Hmm…"

"I'm sorry for hurting you."

"I'm sorry too…" Beca knew Chloe had meant the way she had to stop her. Seeing Beca clutching her side and realising she had yet to take her medication. "Do you want to take a tablet now?" Beca hesitated at first but she was so much pain that she can no longer fight it. She just nodded her head.

After giving her a tablet and watching her start to settle down again Beca called out to her.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"You can thank me by getting better." Giving a small smile Chloe switched off the light and tried to get as much sleep as they still can.

* * *

It was early morning. Beca with little sleep had awoke first, looking over at where Chloe still sleeping, she crept to her bag where she kept her drugs.

Being quiet as much as possible as she opened her bag looking up every now and then to make sure Chloe was still asleep. She managed to get the drugs out of her bag and headed to the bathroom.

They were going back to Barden by plane, knowing how strict security is she did not want to risk getting caught and get arrested for just two little bags of drugs. If she was going to start afresh than it might as well start now, with emptying these little bags, down the toilet.

Heading towards the bathroom she opens both bags, hands shaking every time she started to tip the drugs out, but stopped every so often, being tempted to snort the coke right then and there. Chloe was still sleeping and she would not know, it was also that feeling of getting caught that made her want to do it even more.

She shook her head out of that thought, mentally kicking herself she couldn't not hurt Chloe that way, she couldn't break Chloe's trust like that, she had already broken it by lying about the drugs she had in her bags. 'Shit!' What Chloe thought of her out weight her more then her need for drugs, so she managed to tip the drugs out and flushed the toilet.

"Jesus…" Beca yelled as see saw Chloe already up. "Good morning to you too..." Chloe smiled. "…You up early. How did you sleep?"

"A bit restless but I got some shut eye." Silence fell between them as Beca was starting to get some clothes to wear, she stopped as she saw a bit of a bruise on Chloe's neck as the Bella's signature colour bandana around her neck slipped. Feeling a stare on her Chloe looked over and was worried. "Are you okay? Do want me to leave so you can get changed?"

"Erm… No, I'm fine… Just going to put yesterday's jeans on…"

"The first thing we are going to do once we're back at Barden. I'm taking you shopping…" Seeing Beca just nod nothing more was said. "You finish with the bathroom?" Seeing Beca nod again Chloe went in to finish getting ready.

* * *

Like Aubrey instructed everyone met after breakfast and the drive to the airport once done in silence.

They got on their flight with no problem.

As soon as Beca's head hit her seat she fell asleep. Chloe sitting next to her wanting to comfort her but from last night not wanting to push her and with Aubrey next to her on the end she was finding it even hard to touch her, without feeling paranoid about what Aubrey will say, especially as she did not mention the bandana around her neck.

As Aubrey excused herself to go to the bathroom, Lily took the opportunely to talk to Chloe and asked how Beca was last night without the aid of drugs.

"She started having flashbacks again. But that was to be expected, right?"

"She took it out on you?" Lily whispered and noticing the bandana around her neck that was covering the bruise. Chloe looked over at the sleeping Bella and just nodded. "Lily, what can I expect? How did you cope?" Seeing the rest of the Bellas in their own world and Aubrey had yet to returned. Lily sat next to Chloe and replied. "Everyone will react different to trauma. I… Stayed in my room did not really speak to anyone for a least a month, the only time I went out was to work and even then, I could not focus. I would not lie to you, there have been times when I dabbled in drugs and alcohol to forget. There were even times when I went out and looked over a cliff or bridge wanting to end the pain." Chloe looked at her in shock and sadness that she had to go through that alone. "What stopped you?" Chloe asked. "The fact that he would win… also I had images of my family flashing through my head and how sad they will be. I could not put them through that… I could not be selfish and hurt them in the way. I took a step back from the cliff and realised I still had a lot to live for."

"How did you get over it…" Chloe, gave a nervous laugh not meaning the way it sounded and corrected herself. "…I mean how did you learn to move on."

"I spoke to someone from the rape crisis team they were very helpful also…" Lily paused knowing that Beca will not have the same outcome as her. "…Knowing that I finally saw justice being handed down to him and he will not be out for a long time had helped me to move on." She watched as Chloe looked at the sleeping Beca once again. "Chloe…"

"Hmm…"

"It might be harder for Beca, we both saw her flat it's not just about the drugs…The difference between Beca and I is that I had my justice. Beca might not ever get that. Can you handle that? Plus, with her going through withdrawal symptoms..."

"I'm going to have to."

"You cannot keep watch over her twenty-four hours a day. Remember drugs are everywhere."

"She made a promise."

"Promises will not mean a thing when she gets desperate. There will also be times when she might hate and resent you, when you try to stop her from getting what she needs. She's already hurt you, intentionally or not."

"I can take it." Lily gave Chloe a smile knowing that Chloe was putting everything into helping Beca but also knowing that it will put a strain on her as well. "All I'm saying Chloe just prepare yourself for the worst. She might need to hit rock bottom before she will get better and she might hurt you along the way."

Chloe just gave a small nod of acknowledgement, looking over again at Beca. "I know…"

"You're a good person Chloe and I like Beca, I don't want either of you to get hurt anymore." Lily saw Aubrey returning bitching about how long she had to wait to use the toilet. She saw Lily get off up her seat and returned back to hers. Aubrey looked to Lily then Chloe before she sat back down. "Everything okay?" She asked Chloe. "Not yet…" Chloe smiled at Aubrey. "…But it will get there." Chloe said with more confidence then she felt.

 **TBC...**

 **Ah what do you know? I am capable of writing something less dark... Let's see how long that last!**


	8. Beca's Nightmare

**Warning my dark side has come back!**

 **Chapter 8 Beca's Nightmare**

When the Bella's arrived at Hartsfield–Jackson Atlanta International Airport, they were all drained and done in.

They quickly got their luggage and headed for the exit. Beca turned to CR and once again apologised to her. "CR… I am sorry about what happen…I…"

"Listen short stuff yeah…I was pissed…but I get it… I did over step the boundary with Stacey…I mean…" CR dropped her voice to a whisper so only Beca could hear. "…Have you seen her?" Beca couldn't help but smile and nod. "After what happened we talked and I realise nothing would ever happen between us, besides I'm marrying Denise so…I'm happy." Beca again nodded she was about to say something when she got distracted by Emily walking past her. "I get it short stuff, I may not know what happened to you, but I get it. You just need to explain it to Legacy. You know she looks up to you." Beca nodded and made her way over to the youngest Bella of the group under the watchful eyes of Chloe and Aubrey.

"Hey! Emily! Can we talk?" Emily didn't say anything but just nodded her head. "Look…I don't know what I can say to you to make it right between us but all I can offer for now is my apologies and hope one day you can forgive me and we can move on."

"Why?" Emily asked without looking at her. "You made me jump when you touch my shoulder... I did not think." Emily then turned and faced her showing how upset she was. "I never thought you were capable of that."

"Yeah well if you scratch the surface deep enough you might not like what you will find." Beca response came out harsher then intended. Emily was now in her face upset. "I looked up to you, meeting you and working with you I…"

"I NEVER ASKED TO BE A ROLE MODEL…" Beca cut her off and raised her voice. Emily heard a beep and saw her mum waiting for her. Mrs Junk step out of the car and was about to walk over but stopped when she saw Emily's head shake. "I see you…" Emily hurried towards her mother's car.

"Smooth Short Stack real smooth…"

"Leave it Amy." Fat Amy held her hands up, knowing when someone just calls her Amy she knows they are angry with her.

"Are you okay?" Chloe asked. "Let's just get in a damn car and go home." Chloe looked over at Aubrey and just shrug her shoulders.

"Chloe..." Chloe turned her head around as she heard her name being called out, saw Lily walking towards her. "If you need anything just give me a ring I be around…Also here's a number that she could ring when she's ready." Lily offered. Chloe took the card and looked at it, it was for 'Rape Crisis' "Thank you…" Chloe thanked her as she handed a card and began to walk off. "…Lily? Are you okay? I mean if all of this is bringing back memories for you…" Chloe asked worried about bringing back bad memories for Lily.

"Then I know who I can talk to…" Lily smiled back as she saw Chloe nodded, as they both hugged, Lily along with Fat Amy and CR caught their taxi.

Leaving Stacey, with them. "Chloe…" Aubrey warned. "Aubrey, leave it until you get home, okay? Chloe looks like she needs rest." Aubrey sighed. "You're right." Stacey smiled and linked her arm with hers. "When will you learn? I'm always right."

* * *

As they dropped Stacey off, they finally reached Aubrey and Chloe's shared house. As both Chloe and Beca headed up the stairs Aubrey shouted at them to stop. "Mitchell! We need to talk!"

"Can it wait? We only just got in!" Chloe asked as she was going to show Beca her room. "No! It can't! I need to set some ground rules."

"What else is new?" Beca bitched, but looking at Aubrey's face she took a deep breath and apologised. "I'm sorry, it's just been…" Aubrey just nodded her head and waited to follow her into the lounge room. "I…Just make your room up. Just call if you need me." Chloe said more to Beca then Aubrey.

"What's really on your mind?" Beca broke the silence between them. "Don't take me for someone who's stupid."

"I don't know what you mean." Aubrey shook her head and carried on.

"Here are the rules… No drugs, no alcohol, no random people in the house when Chloe and myself are not in. You will find a job and pull your weight around here. Remember what I said about having one chance, I will follow it through."

"Is that all? So, no fun at all?" Beca could not control her attitude. First, Emily and now Aubrey as the words came out more bitchy then intended. Beca stood up and started to walk back to the stairs. "Mitchell…"

"What?" There was that bitchy attitude again. "If you ever lay your hands, on Chloe again I will hurt you in ways you can't imagine. I also know where to hide the body. Do we understand each other?" Beca looked into Aubrey's eyes and saw the anger in them, she turned her head away and just nodded. Before calling out for Chloe.

* * *

Stepping into the room where Chloe was in, Beca couldn't help but smile at the effort Chloe had put in. "It's an en-suite so you have your own bathroom."

"Thanks…How's your neck?" Beca asked as Aubrey brought it up. "It's fine. Why? What did Aubrey say to you?"

"Just gave me some rules to follow and threaten me with bodily harm and to hide my body like Jimmy Hoffa, if I ever hurt you again." Chloe saw how guilty Beca was by the lack of eye contact and finding the floor more interesting. "Hey! Look at me…" Chloe sat beside her. "Look at me! What happened last night was not you, I know that…we're good." Chloe stood up and made her way out. "Get some rest just call if you need me. Then I take you shopping." Beca nodded and rested her eyes.

* * *

Chloe went downstairs and found Aubrey looking at nothing in particular. "Beca's asleep."

"Guess she hadn't had much of that lately." Aubrey replied, her manner was of worry then anger. "Why did you have a go at her?"

"Because no one is telling me what had happened to her! You and Lily seemed to know how to help her... How am I suppose to treat her or speak to her when I don't know what is wrong?" Chloe hugged Aubrey knowing that she has put Aubrey in a situation she has no control over and one of Aubrey's pet hate is not being in control.

"She will get better." Chloe hoped. "Will she? I understand it's for her to tell me and I respect that, I really do..." Aubrey suddenly ripped the bandana covering Chloe's neck and let out a gasp when she saw the bruises of Beca's fingers imprinted on her. "...I just hope we're not making it worse by not taking her to see someone." Chloe sighed and rubbed her neck, taking the bandana back from Aubrey and rewrapping her neck with it, as she watched Aubrey getting up and made her way out. "I'm off to see Stacey."

* * *

Chloe walked back upstairs and stopped outside Beca's room noticing her unrest she was having a nightmare.

 **Beca was on a bed, fully naked and there stood over her was Kommissar who also was naked and held a belt…** "…Stop please." Chloe heard Beca pleading and seeing the sweat starting to appear. Beca's eyes shutting tight her head moving side to side trying to get rid of the images out.

 **In her nightmare, it was worse than what she had experienced in reality Kommissar was using all kinds of toys on her, flitching every time the belt hit her bare back. Licking her up her wounds that she had caused and shoving a strap on inside her, when she was dry. Then when Kommissar had finish with her she whispered 'I win' in her ear and walked over to a door and opened it. In walked her drug dealer ex and her landlord standing before her, both naked. One held her down as the other starting to rape her and vice versa, robbing her of her self worth and Kommissar was just staying there, watching them, laughing at her as she carried on begging, crying and pleading for help.**

"…Please stop…" Beca cried out. Chloe was starting to walk over her but stopped as she touched her bandana covered neck, remembering last night.

 **She felt herself being ripped apart, being manhandle in such a way she went in a cationic state, she let them do anything she wanted to her body as in her mind she is already dead.**

The moment Beca felt herself relaxed and thinking the nightmare was over. She was hit with another one.

 **This time it was the landlord who broke her first making her into his sex slave ordering her, degrading her and punishing her when she refuses to serve him. 'No!' She received a slap for refusing him. He then turned her over on her front on the table not being gentle as he slammed her hard, she screamed in pain as her stomach hit the edge of the table, he then spread her legs wider apart. Ripping off her red dress that he told her to wear so that he could rip it off her again. She screamed in pain and cried out as he entered her in her anal passage.**

Chloe watching all of this, at a limbo on what she should do. Wake her up and risk her lashing out on her, again? Or stay put and watch her suffer as she is trapped in her nightmare?

 **Her last nightmare was her drug dealer ex-boyfriend as he came to her flat and she told him 'no' and she wasn't in the mood. He was heading towards the kitchen and got her water to drink then he gave her some coke to snort which she did and it lowered her senses. He waited for a few moments and saw that her eyelids were dropping he again tried to make his move on her, she again said 'no' but this time could not fight him off her. 'No' she sleepy said she looked back at her glass of water and realised that he had drugged her, she tried her best to fight him off her, but she could not move, she felt like dead weight, paralysed, unable to move a muscle and could only watch as he had his way with her, thrusting inside her and touching her, roughly squeezing her breasts. She felt nothing, but only the tear down her cheek…**

"I SAID NO!" She shouted, suddenly leaning forward and making Chloe run to her side and without thinking putting her arms around her, Beca still disoriented began to lash out and smack Chloe hard in the face. "BECA! BECA! It's okay… It's me…It's Chloe…" Chloe rubbed her back and pushed Beca further towards her. "shhh…Beca you're safe…It's Chloe…"

"Chloe?" Beca whimpered. "Yeah…It's me… You're safe I won't let anyone hurt you." Chloe hold on tight as Beca cried harder on the red headed shoulder. "I promise, no one will hurt you anymore. I won't let them." Chloe kissed Beca's head and slowly rocked her back and forth hoping to calm her down.

It seemed like hours before Beca could settle back down and even then, she begged Chloe to stay with her. Beca's arm was wrapped around Chloe waist as Beca asked her to lay with her.

Chloe after what she had witnessed was drained but she made Beca a promise and she intends to keep it, she sighed hoping she won't have a bruise where Beca hit her.

If she did how will ever explain it to Aubrey.

 **TBC...**

 **Thanks for reading**

 **More of Aubrey and Stacey for a bit of light relief... What do you think?**


	9. Feel the Love

**I thought I give Beca a bit of a break and not put her through hell...**

 **...For now :)**

 **Chapter 9 Feel the Love**

Hearing knocking on the door Stacey, went to open it and saw Aubrey in a bit of a state. Inviting her in she led her to the kitchen as she put the kettle on.

No words were said until Stacey gave Aubrey her coffee. "Thanks…"

"You okay?" Stacey asked as she saw Aubrey grasping her mug and took a sip. "Not really…Just thinking about…"

"Beca?" Aubrey nodded her head. "I never picture you to worry about her…"

"Normally I don't but Chloe is heavy involved with her, I just don't want her…" Aubrey corrected herself. "I mean either of them hurt…" Aubrey's eyes locked onto Stacey's. "What do you know?"

"As much as you…We won worlds and she was on a high then went to the bathroom, then all of a sudden she was chasing after Chloe upset." Stacey could hear the clogs inside Aubrey's head working overtime. "What's in that head of yours?"

"Just thinking about events. Chloe mentioned something about the little troll having a crush on the captain of DSM, it had upset her. What do you know about the captain of DSM?"

"Her name is Kommissar. She's a bit of a power house. For some reason Beca began to verbally flirt with her. In front of everyone. Chloe tried to calm her down. Now you mentioned it Chloe did seemed shocked every time Beca flirted. I also remember Beca saying about being sexually confused because of her."

"All this in front of Chloe!?" Aubrey's eyes went wild as she was pretty sure Beca has some idea how Chloe felt about her. "Yeah, Chloe was always by her side. Talk about word diarrhoea, Beca was so flustered by her."

"You don't think something happened between the two."

"I don't know about that as I didn't see her since they finished, their set." Stacey heard Aubrey sighed, and started to rub the back of her neck.

Stacey put her mug down and walked over to Aubrey and started to give her a neck message, moving slowly down to her shoulder blades and using her thumbs getting rid of all the tension out of them.

"You're so tense, Bree…" Aubrey moaned in response and tried to fight off Stacey's touch. "It's just this Beca's situation."

"You know how she is Bree…Beca will open up when she's comfortable. Come on let me help you get rid of this tension properly." Aubrey smiled as she saw Stacey wriggled her eye brows. "Okay…Lead the way." Stacey took Aubrey's hand and giggled as she took her towards her bedroom.

* * *

Beca stretched and slowly opened her eyes, not remembering what happen earlier on. Smelling food, she started to head downstairs to look for either Chloe or Aubrey.

Chloe saw Beca coming down the stairs and greeted her. "Hey sleepy head! You slept okay?" Chloe did not want to bring anything up, specially her nightmares unless she brought it up, including the slap which lucky for her did not cause a bruise. "Yeah…Something smells good! What time is?"

"I'm cooking your favourite! Tacos! It's seven o'clock." Beca nodded her head and smiled, after looking around. "Where's the female version of Adolf Hitler?"

"BECA!" Chloe scolded her. "Sorry…" Chloe sighed. "I know it doesn't seem like it, but she is worried about you and without telling her what happened to you, she just doesn't know how to help you." Beca sat down on one of the bar stools. "I don't need her help. I'm fine with you and Lily knowing. I don't need anybody else."

"Okay." For now, the matter was dropped. "How's your ribs? Do you need your tablet?"

"Still sore but I be fine, for now..." Chloe saw Beca was struggling with herself. "What's on your mind?" She asked as she handed Beca some tacos. "Thanks…I'm just thinking what do I do now? I had a chance to make a name for myself in LA to start over, but that went tits up! In more ways, then one!" Beca sighed as she was picking at her food. "You find something to do, you can't push yourself too hard." Beca slammed her hand on the counter hard making Chloe jumped. "It's been six months Chloe! SIX FUCKING MONTHS! I should be over this! What happened!? Happened! I can't turn back time but I can move forward…But…"

"But what?" Chloe asked as she took a seat next to her. "Beca…Talk to me… "

"Every time I listen to music or try and do a mix…I get a mind fuck…There's nothing there, my mind goes empty…It's like…It's like."

"Tell me…" Chloe encouraged. "It's like…I'm on a standstill, I'm just frozen in place and I see everyone else carrying on with their lives…The world keeps on spinning, rotating around the sun, the start of a new day comes and goes, but for me!? I feel I'm wasting away…I'm just living, just breathing the air around me and waiting to die."

Chloe for the moment stayed silent as she let what Beca just said sank in, to Chloe it sounded like Beca was suffering from some sort of depression and she might not be able to help her. "Maybe, you should talk to someone?" She suggested. "I am talking to someone, I'm talking to you."

"I meant someone more professional in this field." Beca let out a small laugh. "You mean a shirk? What is it with you and spawn of Satan wanting me to talk to shirks. I'm fine!" Beca snapped. "Who are you trying to convince more? Me or yourself?" Chloe said without thinking and as soon as those words came out she mentally slapped herself.

Beca glared at her and pushed her plate back, got up and left to go upstairs. "Fuck!" Chloe said to herself knowing that this could set off Beca's mood again.

* * *

"How you feeling now?" Stacey asked her lover as she draped her arm over Aubrey, playing with her hair with her free hand.

Aubrey savoured her touch, closing her eyes wanting to stay in her arms forever. All her tension faded away. "I'm feeling good! It's just want I needed…" Aubrey smiled as she turned to face her. "...What time is it?"

"Seven! Why?" Stacey replied as she carrying on stroking Aubrey's gorgeous blonde hair. Aubrey sighed not wanting to leave Stacey's arms but knowing she has to. "I best be getting back. I don't want Chloe to cope on her own with the little midget in case…" Aubrey did not want to finish her sentence by assuming the worst of Beca. "In case what?" Aubrey grew tense again. "Aubrey! You tensing up again…What's wrong? "

"It's Mitchell…I'm worried whatever her problem is, she going to end up hurting Chloe…"

"How?"

"…Emotional… _Physically_ …" Aubrey whispered the last part. "Aubrey…"

"We know Chloe has a thing for the troll and she will do anything for her. Even cover for her…You remember she wore the Bella bandana around her neck?" She turned and saw Stacey nod. "I heard a scream in their room last night and went to investigate. I saw Mitchell with her bags at hand and Chloe holding her neck. Before I came here I pulled the bandana off her neck and saw…" Aubrey cut off and face back to the wall but Stacey could hear all her emotion coming out. "Aubrey?"

"She had bruises on her neck Stace. Bruises that Mitchell gave her…"

"Beca? She wouldn't hurt a fly…Sure she might be verbally aggressive and she did, threw that punch to protect Jesse…But intentionally?"

"I'm not making this up…" Aubrey was getting worked up. Stacey had to stroke her cheek and shushing her to calm her down. "Hey…Hey… Okay don't get upset please! What are you going to do?"

"What can I do? I just have to keep an eye on them. Unless Mitchell tells me…" Aubrey turned to face Stacey once again and meeting each other's eyes Stacey saw the determination that Aubrey's held in them. "Or I will find out myself."

* * *

Chloe saw Beca's door ajar and knock whilst leaning on the door frame, seeing Beca lying on the bed staring at the celling. "Can I come in?" Beca nodded her head, sitting up to make room for Chloe to sit down. As Chloe sat on the bed she began to play with the pattern on the duvet, before looking at Beca and apologising. "Beca… I'm sorry… For what I said downstairs."

"It's okay…Not hard feelings, as long as we don't talk about it ever again! You got to understand Chloe I do not need to see a shrink." Beca put her head, on Chloe's shoulder. "Then tell me what you do need?" Chloe asked as she stroked Beca's head, she then placed her own head, on top of Beca's.

"You!" Beca answered.

Chloe stopped what she was doing and look down to try and face Beca. "I'm sorry…I…What?" Chloe stopped and stuttered not sure if she heard Beca correctly, she felt the weight on her shoulder being lifted as Beca had now given Chloe her full attention and seemly getting lost in the red head's eyes.

"I need you…" She repeated herself as she felt her heart race and finding herself being drawn to Chloe's lips inching that little bit closer to taste them.

 **TBC...**

 **How will Chloe react? Accept her kiss or decline?**


	10. Lust

**You might hate me a teeny tiny bit!**

 **Chapter 10 Lust**

Beca leaned forward touching the red-haired lips, savoury the sweet cherry lip balm taste on them. The kiss turned more passionate and deeper as Chloe opened for her, letting her in further to explore her mouth. Beca gently and with control pushed Chloe onto the bed as she was on top, still into the kiss, she let her hands guide themselves on her chest feeling her heart rapidly beating with passion and touching her breasts gently cupping them using her thumbs to tease the nipples, her right hand slowly and with care sliding down to where she desired the most, feeling the heat as it matched her own, then with her index and middle finger, she went for the kill…

* * *

Only to find it was a scene playing inside her head as she imagined what it would have been like if Chloe had accepted her kiss and didn't raise her hands to gently stop her from closing that millimetre gap from touching her own. "Beca…" Chloe said her name in a whisper. "Stop…" Beca stopped briefly before making another attempt to capture those beautiful lips. "Beca…Stop…" Chloe repeated this time with a bit more force. Beca tried a third time but Chloe pulled back and stood up, nearly resulting Beca to fall face flat on the bed.

"We can't…"

"Yes, we can…"

"Well, I CAN'T!" Chloe, even though she wanted to experience that first kiss with Beca and it would have felt like heaven. She knew it wasn't the right time and felt like Beca was forcing herself to move onto something that could easily spiral out of control resulting Beca to be hurt further, not to mention herself. "Why not? Isn't this what you wanted?" Beca asked as she now stood up and anger slowly creeping out. "It is and I do but…"

"But WHAT! All those times over the years that you flirted with me and what you told me as you stroke my hair in the tent…Was what? BULLSHIT! All words but no action!?" Beca could not keep the anger inside anymore, she let it out. She felt rejected that if she couldn't get her friend to kiss her then who else would want her.

"It's not like that…I…" Chloe became flustered she did not know how to talk to THIS Beca. "Jesus Christ Chloe…For once in your FUCKING LIFE, say what's on your FUCKING MIND! I'm not a mind reader I thought that THIS…" She pointing to herself and Chloe. "…This is what you wanted! You, me together!" Chloe was taken aback on the way Beca was speaking to her and could feel her eyes welling up and she had to turn away to try and control herself from not bursting into tears. "I don't want to lead you on…" Chloe knew it was a poor excuse but she did not know any other way to phase it without upsetting Beca further. "Lead me on? For FUCKS SAKE…I'm the one that instigate it! How is that leading me on?" Beca looking at her knowing there was another reason behind it.

Then a thought hit her.

"Is the true reason why you don't want to kiss me because I'm still waiting for the results of the STD tests?…Which you force me to have done?" Beca accused, feeling more rejected then before. And truthfully feeling a bit tainted as she remembered the ordeal of laying on the bed and having the nurse poking her to take samples. She still going through the trauma of still waiting for those results. Not knowing the results for another five days was killing her and she needed someone to make her feel alive inside again, she thought that would have been Chloe . Before she could get an answer from Chloe, they heard Aubrey calling out for them.

Hearing Chloe shouting that they were upstairs Aubrey could sense the cold atmosphere between the small brunette and the tall red head. "Am I interrupting something?" Aubrey asked looking between the two of them.

Whilst Chloe looked like she could hug and kissed Aubrey, Beca on the other hand looked like she wanted to punch her for the interruption.

"No…I'm going out." Beca told them in a voice that was not to be argued with. "Beca…" Chloe tried to stop her. "Save it!"

"You going out? With what money?" Asked Aubrey. "Because if my memory serves me right, you are skint and that's why Chloe had to bail you out." Chloe placed her hand on Aubrey's arm to try and drop the subject. "I got some from my last pay check. Like I told Chloe I will pay her back. I just need to get out of here."

Beca pushed past the two seniors as she exited the room and starting to go downstairs. "Wait a minute…"

"There's some taco left if you're hungry." Chloe tried to diffuse the fight. "I already ate…"

"What? Stacey?" Beca snipe back. Before Aubrey could say anything back, Chloe stopped her as Beca left the house. "Leave it…for tonight please."

"Chloe what happened tonight?" Chloe looked away from Aubrey, not wanting to show the hurt and pain she was in. "Chloe?" Aubrey asked again. "Nothing, she just needed to get some fresh air, she's been cooped up all day. It was driving her mad, that's all. She will be fine in the morning."

"Chloe… you can't keep sticking up for her."

"I'm not…I'm going to head to bed I see you in the morning." Aubrey was still in the mood to discuss the situation but seeing how beat up Chloe looked, she let it drop but she also knew that Chloe would not sleep until she knew Beca return safe and sound.

* * *

Beca went to a nearby club, heading straight to the bar and order herself a whiskey, she mentally beat herself up for the way she spoke to Chloe. "I'm such a bitch."

"Now, I don't believe that for a second." A black hair woman with big brown eyes and with skin as fair as milk approached her and sat beside her. "Why don't you just pull yourself a seat." Beca sarcastically said. The woman ordered herself a drink an attempted to strike a conversation with Beca once again. "What's a beautiful girl like you, drinking on your own in a club like this? Have a fight with your other half?"

"I'm just here to drink not to chat and make friends." Beca told the woman hoping that it would kill any further talk between them.

"Feisty…" Beca looked at her, taking in the beauty of the woman next to her. "…I'm here to find an easy fuck…Can I get you another drink." Beca smiled at the woman's straight to the point attitude. She needed to forget about Chloe's rejection and move on and if this woman sitting beside her wanting an easy lay, who was she to argue? "I would love one…And also a drink" Beca paused waiting for the woman to give her name. "…Like I said I'm here for a fuck…Do you really care about my name?" Beca started to like this woman even more, no name, no attachment and no feelings involve…Just sex.

"I drink to that." As the bar tender gave her another whiskey.

* * *

Aubrey was right about Chloe being up all night worrying about Beca, also thinking about what nearly happened between them. She knew she was right not to go through with the kiss no matter how much she wanted to follow it through and knowing it would've lead to something more.

She wanted to make love to Beca and not just to have sex with her.

She didn't mean to sound like she rejected her, the hurt look on her face when she couldn't find the right words to explain why it wasn't right for them to kiss. Chloe did not know how long she was staring at the ceiling or even how long Aubrey was knocking on her door before letting herself in. "Hey…You couldn't sleep either?" Chloe looked at Aubrey smiling at her, knowing Aubrey in her own way was worried about Beca also. Aubrey noticed this look and tried to wave her insomnia off as just being restless and focus her attention back onto Chloe. She laid beside her best friend and hugged her. "You know she will be fine right?"

"I know…"

"Oh Chloe I wish you could tell me what happened to Beca. So that I can help you both. Your problem is that you're too loyal." Chloe just let out a small laugh. "You would do the same if it was Stacey."

"True, but the difference is Stacey and I are in a relationship you and Beca are…" Chloe looked over at her shoulder. "Friends…" Aubrey knew how much it hurt Chloe to say that. "…Me and Beca are just friends…You protect your friends." Aubrey kissed the top of her head and stayed with her for as long as she needed her.

* * *

Meanwhile at the club Beca was letting herself go, sneaking of with the woman that she had just met to go to the bathroom and into one of the stalls. Shaking slightly as she went inside the enclosed space and jumped at the sound of the lock. "You okay?"

"Yeah… For once there's a lock on the door." Beca forced a smile. The woman smiled back at her and took a wrap out from her cleavage "Yeah…I don't have that hiding place." Beca laughed.

"I think your breasts look fine." The woman replied as she split the coke into lines and offered Beca the first sniff.

After they finished, Beca loosed up and started to hug the woman. The woman stopped her, fearing another rejection she dropped her arms and started to leave. "Wait…I just prefer a bed then a toilet and by the looks of it so do you." Beca returned her smile and grabbed her hand, the coke inside her system making her braver then she felt and both of them making a swift exit out of the club.

* * *

Beca trying to keep her laughter down and trying to shush her 'friend' failed miserably as the light from inside turned on and they were met with a worried Chloe who was about to hug Beca with relief when Beca stopped her and pointed to her 'friend' "I brought a friend over for the night, is that okay?"

Chloe looked at the woman who clearly needed help to stand. Thinking it was safer for Beca to have the one night stand underneath their roof then a stranger's she just nodded. "You have to answer to Bree in the morning though." She shouted after them as she watched the two women trying and not so quietly go up the stairs.

Hearing Beca's bedroom door close she sighed and closed the front door, turning her head she saw Aubrey standing at the top, crossing her arms and shaking her head.

As Chloe try to pass Aubrey to get back to her bedroom Aubrey couldn't help herself. "How long will you keep letting her do this to you?"

"Not now Bree please…" Aubrey sighed. "I swear to god if they are going to keep me awake I won't be happy." She looked at the close door as she walks pass to her own bedroom.

* * *

Inside Beca's room. Her eyes were lust filled, along with the alcohol and drugs in her system she can now block out on what happened between her and Chloe. Pushing aside the feelings she still has for her, for just one night.

She licked her bottom lip as the woman started to strip and Beca did the same. Beca pushed the woman on the bed with Beca on top. "I won't be gentle." Beca whispered in the woman's ear. "If I wanted gentle I will have a lover. I want a fuck." As those words were spoken, Beca was lost in lust this is want she felt was needed, to lose control and at the same time to take control over someone else.

To feel 'human' again.

Beca bit, squeezed and rammed at the woman's body and vice versa.

* * *

Next door Chloe heard it all! The screams of pleasure and pain, felt the force of the rocking of the bed every time the headboard hit the wall.

This is why she wouldn't give Beca that kiss.

She did not want to get hurt by the person she loved and had subconsciously already gave her heart to.

 **TBC...**

 **We're still good right!? No hard feelings...**


	11. Beca's Fear

**Here's another chapter as a thank you for my new reviewer Kdubya** **!**

 **Also a warning for RJRMovieFan and anyone else, interested in Chloe expressing her love for Beca! You might, might! hate me in a much later chapter on how Chloe declares her love for Beca! It will be very dark... Might be the darkest thing I will ever write :) **

**Until then thanks for reading guys...**

* * *

 **Chapter 11 Beca's Fear**

Chloe was nursing her mug of coffee as if it was for dear life, there were both dark circles and bags underneath her eyes, after Beca's activities with her ' _friend_ ' she had not slept. Hearing the sounds of a groan and shuffle of feet she did not need to turn her head and see that it was Aubrey coming down stairs and knowing her appearance matched her own, she too had not slept.

"Morning!" Chloe even though she was tired she tried to sound perky. Aubrey just managing a mumble, looking around the kitchen and notice Beca was not awake. "The troll is not yet up I see."

"I tried and knocked on her door but…" Aubrey contained her anger but was more then annoyed. So, she had an idea on how she can get even. "Right!" Aubrey walked over to the kitchen counter and picked up a sauce pan and spoon. "Bree…What are you doing?" Aubrey couldn't contain her smirk. "Well, seeing as that little troll did not let us sleep! Why should we give her the pleasure? Besides she has to start pulling her weight around here. It might do her good to get out and about…But she's needs to be up…" With that and remembering their wake-up call at camp Chloe shook her head knowing that this will not be pretty and Aubrey will have some sort of satanic satisfaction as she does it, she started to count down from ten…

When she reached one she heard the loud clanging of the sauce pan and a very perky 'UP AND AT THEM!...LET'S GO!...MOVE IT! MOVE IT!' from Aubrey and shouting as well as the colourful langue coming from Beca ending with 'Dude! What's wrong with you?"

Chloe watched as Aubrey returned to the kitchen with a duvet in hand. "Beca will be right down along with her ' _friend_ '." Chloe couldn't help but let a little laugh out pushing last night's events out of her mind.

Hearing the footsteps running down the steps and some bickering, the mysterious woman from last night called Aubrey a crazy bitch and rushed out the front door. "Your friend did not want breakfast then?" Aubrey asked too cheerfully. Beca just give Aubrey the death glare and placed her head, on top of her arms. Trying to get over the hung over feeling. Aubrey, not having much sympathy for Beca's self inflected headache was making as much loud noise as possible, oh she was making Beca pay.

"You are enjoying this, aren't you?" Beca moaned. "Just a little bit!" Aubrey admitted.

"Okay, I give. Now can you please stop with the banging?"

"No! …You kept us awake all night and I have a busy day ahead of me, at the camp. You haven't stayed here for one day and already you broke the house rules." Beca sighed not wanting to argue but she wanted to prove Aubrey wrong. "Actually, I didn't! I drank alcohol inside the club and not here and I brought someone here whilst you guys were home…So I technically, technically didn't." Beca smirked back at her. "Were drugs involved?" Aubrey asked. Knowing if she drank chances are she took something. "That's for you to find out!" Aubrey opened the blinds so the sunlight shone straight into Beca's eyes. "Dude! Are you trying to blind me?"

"Now you listen to me you little shi…"

"Okay guys… Beca eat your breakfast we have a long day ahead of us…I'm taking you shopping and we are going to look for jobs for you. No argument." Both Beca and Aubrey knew not to push Chloe further.

Chloe got up and tipped the rest of her coffee into the sink, she headed upstairs to get herself ready. Seeing Chloe leave Aubrey turned back to Beca expressing her concern. "I don't know what happened between you two last night, but if you carrying on hurting her like you do. Never mind what she says I will throw you out of this house! Understood?"

Beca nodded. "Make it right with her!"

"I will." Beca promised. "Here…" Aubrey handed Beca her breakfast which Beca gladly accepted "Thanks."

Aubrey was also heading upstairs to get ready but not before having one last thing to say to Beca. "I wish you trust me enough to let me help you. I know we don't always get along but believe it or not I don't like seeing you hurt." Beca did not say everything she nodded and focus on her breakfast in silence.

With Aubrey gone to work, Chloe waited patiently for Beca downstairs, she watched as she saw Beca with a long-sleeved hoodie even though it was warm outside and still clutching her ribs, wincing in pain. "Do you need your pain killer?" Chloe asked with concern. "No."

"But, if you're are in pain…"

"I SAID NO!" Beca snapped at her. Kicking herself realising that Chloe was only helping her and not hurting her. "I'm sorry…I'm just trying to cope without relying on them. I must have over done it last night with…" Beca stopped herself as she remembered last night. Chloe hold her hands up, without any further argument and not wanting to hear any more. She instead put on a smile, grabbed her bag and car key and asked "You ready?" Beca nodded and off they went.

Hopefully to start the first step on Beca's recovery.

* * *

Once they were on the High Streets, Chloe did not miss the way Beca was flitching and hiding in her hood every time someone walked passed her, making conversation a bit hard. They just did a bit of clothes shopping at Beca's request nothing too fancy just jeans to get her by until she gets herself a job.

Chloe seeing Beca struggling with being out in the open and trying to control her breathing, suggested that they get a drink in quiet place.

After looking around they found a nice local family coffee shop, which was a bit crowed. Chloe turned to see Beca who has still yet to speak. "We can find somewhere else if you want."

"No, this will be fine…It's just…It's just been awhile since I last went out like this, for the past six months I would have been…" Beca cut herself so that she did not have to relive or tell Chloe that she actually spent her days in the past six months in bed either drunk, high or just depressed. Chloe waited. "…I would've been busy finding a decent club to DJ in." Chloe just nodded her head knowing that was a lie but it was up to Beca to tell her whenever she was ready and made their way to a free table after receiving their drinks.

Sitting down, silence between them was becoming a common thing. Until Beca took a deep breath, calming her breathing before she spoke. "I owe you and Aubrey and apology for last night…" Chloe took a sip of her drink and let Beca continue. "…Well…More you…Last night you were right not to go through with the kiss, it was a misunderstanding…I was a bitch to you and used what you had said to me in the past to my advantage and you didn't deserve that…Also the woman that I took home…that was wrong of me…I don't know why I did that." Chloe just nodded, still not saying anything. When the silence got too much for Beca, she let out a nervous laugh. "Say something please…"

"What do you want me to say?" Chloe asked, not knowing if the Beca she was talking to was the old Beca that she can relate and help or the ' _Beca'_ from last night who was on the verge of self destruction and she did not know how to handle the latter ' _Beca'_. "The truth…" Chloe looked deep into Beca's eyes and saw that this was the old Beca starting to come out. "I want to help you, what happened or did not happen between us was…"

"A mistake…" Beca cut off Chloe as she remembered what Aubrey said about not hurting Chloe further, even though she promised Aubrey, that she wouldn't. Deep down, she knew for the time being her moods are unpredictable and she couldn't follow through with any romantic feelings she felt for Chloe, not just yet. Judging by the way Chloe was looking at her now, she knew by calling the moment they briefly shared a ' _mistake_ ' cut Chloe deep and Beca saw the hurt in her eyes, as it mirrored her own. She watched Chloe trying to control herself and not to cry in front of her. Taking a deep breath, Chloe carried on. "…Right a mistake…"

"We're still best friends, right?" Beca cut her off, trying to lighten the mood and for now hiding her own true feelings in order to protect Chloe from further hurt. "We've never stopped." Chloe put on a smile masking her hurt.

Even though she felt like she had been stabbed in the heart Chloe change the subject and focused on Beca to try and help her get some normality back in her life.

"Have you thought about working at the radio shack again? Luke's still there! I'm sure he'll have a job for you. Maybe get the feel for music again? You have yet to unpack your equipment since you arrived." Beca played with her mug she couldn't believe it herself how something she regarded as beautiful as music which was her passion has now turned into something so ugly that she couldn't bring herself to unpack her once prize procession. "I don't know…I just find it hard to focus…"

"Maybe you can start at the beginning where you first found your love of music?" Chloe suggested. She did not miss the far away, look and sadness in Beca's eyes. "Beca?" Chloe asked worried. "Hmm?" Beca shook the memory of Michael her inspiration, her first love and the reason she was going to live out her dream. "I seemed to have lost you there. Did I say something wrong?"

"Nothing to worry about..." Chloe knew the signs by now when Beca is reminiscing about something in her past and dropped it. "...I'll give Luke a ring..." Beca sighed. "...After everything that has happened. I can't believe I be starting all over again." Beca could feel her eyes watering up and having to quickly wiped them off with her sleeve.

Without thinking Chloe reached out her hand and placed it on top of Beca's, in comfort. "LA will always be there. You can still live out your dream, it's just going to take a bit longer that's all! You need to get yourself better. Remember I'm with you every step of the way…" There was that moment where the world stopped spinning as the two women looked at each other's eyes. "…Along with the rest of the girls."

"I know…." Beca smiled and held Chloe hand a bit firmer in gratitude. Chloe noticed Beca was still worried about something. "Beca...What else is bothering you?"

"Nothing..."

"Beca please..." Chloe nearly had to beg to get Beca to keep talking. "...Beca don't shut me out. What else is on your mind? Tell me."

Beca looked away and just staring at the random people inside the coffee shop, thinking about their on going lives, not having a care in the world whilst she is experiencing something that she could not describe unless you have been through it yourselves. "Beca?" Chloe repeated.

"I get my results soon..." Beca held on to Chloe's hand. "What if..."

"Hey, don't think about that just yet. I be there with you every step of the way and there's treatment..."

"And if there's a chance I caught HIV? I mean I didn't think when I... " Beca suddenly released her hand from Chloe's as she remembered when she slashed her palm and looked at the plaster covering her wounds. Chloe saw the panic in her eyes. "We step that bridge when it comes to it. Whatever the results are, know that I'm at your side and will never leave it." Beca smile at Chloe, knowing that she has her back and always will no matter what the out come of the STD tests are.

Chloe returned the smile but bit her bottom lip, nervous on how Beca will take what she was going to suggest, she reached into her pocket, taking a small card, briefly fiddling with it before handing it over to Beca. "What's this?" Beca asked. "It's a card that Lily gave me…"

"For a shirk? You know how I feel about that?" Beca was starting to get angry, feeling betrayed after what she said about shirks. "No, it's a number for counselling, women who have been through what you have…" Chloe paused, trying to gage Beca's mood. "…Beca? It's time…" Chloe gently said.

"Time for what?" Beca questioned even though she knew what Chloe was going to say. "It's time to talk to someone and seek help, from women who been through it. I can only help you so much."

Beca looked at the given card and back at Chloe, she knew Chloe was right, she had asked Chloe for help and Chloe was doing just that. She had to shallow her pride and face her greatest fear…

…To start knocking down the wall and let people in.

 **TBC...**

 **That wasn't bad was it? :)**

 **Thanks for reading! You guys rock!**


	12. Still in Limbo

**RJRMovieFan thanks for you review! I miswrote my last comment to you. I tend to think about something and I write it the wrong way round. Even I don't have the heart to have Chloe have a dark side! Hope that gives you comfort! (But it still be a very dark chapter!) :)**

 **Chapter 12 Still in Limbo**

Beca just kept on staring at the card and looked back at Chloe, she could tell Chloe was worried about her. "You really think that this would help me?"

"Beca, I can be your shoulder to cry on, when you need it. Hell! I even be your verbal punching bag when you need it. But as for given you advice on how to move on from this. I can't! As I have not been through that. Just give it a try, ring Lily for advice if you need it. You have to do something and soon. Six months has been too long already. It could not hurt."

Beca thought about it. She knows it will be hard, but it would be the first step for her to start rebuilding back her life. "Okay…I give a try, for you."

"Don't do it for me. Do it for you." Beca smiled and nodded her head in agreement. "Okay…"

"How about we start over a clean slate, no hiding and no lying…"

"Lying?"

"Beca… I know about the drugs in your bag before we came back home…" Beca looked away and bit her bottom lip, she could feel her eyes watering and she did not know why, after what happened she became more emotional and would find herself crying over the smallest of things. "I saw you take them out of your bag, for a moment I thought you went to the bathroom to take them."

"I didn't… I flushed them, but your right I would have taken them if I was 100 per cent sure I would not be stopped at the airport."

"I know…" Chloe gave a sympathetic smile. "The point is that you lied to my face when I asked you about them."

"Did you tell Aubrey?" Beca asked. Worried because she knew Chloe would not hide anything from her best friend, but then recently Chloe has been doing a lot of covering up for her and Beca did not want that. "No, but if it's going to get out of control I will and last night did you take anything?" Beca rubbed her face as she admitted she took some coke last night. "It was a lack of judgement after what happened between us, I needed to blow off some stream. It will not happen again."

"But you can't promise that, can you?" Beca looked into Chloe eyes and saw the seriousness in them. "No I can't…I want to…It's been so long and it's what had keep me going whenever I thought I could not continue to live." Chloe suddenly felt the strain of how deep rooted Beca's problems are. Lily did warn her, it will be a long road until Beca will get better.

Could she still help Beca with them?

"How about we start with phoning the Rape Crisis team and set an appointment first and take it from there?" She suggested. "Okay." Beca agreed. "Good, shall we go?"

"Yeah."

* * *

Returning from their shopping trip, Beca went straight to her room and looked at her unpacked bag where she kept her DJ equipment. She started to unpacked them and set everything up. She rang Luke and he offered her a job and put her in charge of the music as he was going away for a few months, to explore Asia.

Beca looked at the card again, thinking about what Chloe had said. These women that run it had been through something similar regards whether it was by a man or woman they had been through a terrible ordeal and wound not judge her. She then decieded to phone Lily for more information.

After speaking to Lily, it seemed easy, all she had to do was ring the number and appointment would be arranged.

The hardest part was having the courage to ring the number in the first place. Chloe had given her privacy but every time she tried to press even the first number, she felt her hands shake and would chicken out. She called out for Chloe who was in her room in seconds. "Are you okay?"

"Can you stay with me as I call them? I just…I tried but…" Chloe sat down beside on the bed and held her hand. "Of course…Take a deep breath…I'm here by your side." Beca thanked her with a smile as she began to dial.

She was about to hang up but having Chloe next to her for support she pushed on telling the receiver what happened to her, they set an appointment for the next day as they had a cancellation. After the call, Beca was shaking and turned to Chloe. "Ah… I have an appointment tomorrow in the afternoon."

"That soon?" Chloe was surprised. "Yeah that soon, someone cancelled. It's at 2.00pm. They told me it will be nothing to be afraid of."

"That's great, isn't it?" Beca did not seem sure of herself. "Yeah, I guess…"

"Beca…"

"I know…It needed to be done." Chloe smiled and put a strand of loose behind her ear and gave her a hug. "You doing the right thing, you know, that right?" Beca nodded her head. "I know but…" Chloe waited patiently as she saw Beca struggling. "…I'm scared."

"There's nothing wrong with that. You want me to wait outside for you?" Beca felt guilty as she felt she's taken all of Chloe's time. "Haven't you got a job to go to?"

"I'm on holiday I don't go into teaching till next month."

"You're a teacher?" Beca felt embarrassed as she was so focus on her problem that she did not ask Chloe what she was doing after she graduated. "Well at the moment it's only part time…teaching music to children with special needs."

"That's great…I'm sorry I didn't ask before."

"It's fine you had a long of things on your mind." Chloe understood, she looked over a Beca's desk seeing she finally set up her DJing equipment. "Glad to see you're getting back into DJing."

"Well… Starting to…I rang Luke, he gave me a job to cover for him seeing as I know how everything works."

"That's great…" Chloe gave Beca her a hug momentarily forgetting how tense Beca gets at body contact, but she was glad that signs of the old Beca was coming back to the surface. "Sorry didn't mean to…I'm just happy for you." Still tensed Beca tried to brush it off as she did not want to push Chloe away. "It's okay…" Beca instead stood up and went over to the desk and gently stroke the equipment that was set up. Chloe watching her, noticing her suddenly go still and her shoulders shaking knowing the sign of her crying, she gently walked over to her not knowing whether it was okay for her to touch Beca. Instead she called out. "Beca?" Hearing her name Beca looked at Chloe and suddenly hugged her. "What happens if I never get my passion for music back? What do I do? I just got a degree in Philosophy, which I just barely passed. Music is…was my life! I don't know anything else."

"I will help you find something. Beca…You got to learn to stop pushing yourself too much and too soon. Remember one step at a time."

"I'm going to have a shower. Can you leave a pain killer on the desk? I know I going to need it when I change." Chloe hated seeing Beca so defeated but she was confident that after tomorrow at her first session Beca will start to heal.

"Sure…Afterwards if you need anything else, I'm downstairs"

"Thanks"

* * *

After Beca finished her shower and got changed taking the white tablet to ease her pain. She sat down and tried to get back into making her mixes. But found herself getting restless and couldn't concentrate. There wasn't anything in particular to distract her she just couldn't get motivated, she didn't even know where to begin. She did not know how long she sat there trying to come up with something new, before she knew it, it was dark outside.

Hearing laughter downstairs she went down to investigate and to take her mind off things, seeing Chloe, Aubrey and Stacey in the kitchen laughing as they make dinner, she couldn't explain why but she felt angry as she watched them messing about in the kitchen. It was Stacey that notice her first. "Hey! Beca, you want to give us a hand?" Stacey cheerfully asked. Beca was about to say something when she saw Aubrey hugging her from behind and asking her to taste some sauce. "What do you think, does it need more seasoning?"

"Maybe a bit more salt?" Aubrey added the salt, gave Stacey to taste it again and Stacey nodded her head. "Much better."

"What would I do without you?" Aubrey kissed her on the cheek. "Live a boring life?" All three laughed.

Beca watching the interaction felt her anger rise as well as feeling a pang of jealousy of what she at the moment could not have. "I'm going for a walk…"

"Need company?" Chloe asked. "No, I be alright just need some fresh air." Chloe just nodded knowing when she says no to let her be. "Be careful."

"I will." As Chloe watched her leave she was worried but carrying on chatting and laughing with the other two women.

* * *

As Beca stood outside she could still hear them laughing, not blaming them that she felt this way, it just proves her point that after what she said to Chloe, after what they spoke about earlier on, Chloe and the rest of the world's population carried on with their lives, whilst she was at a limbo, not even knowing where she is going. She decided to go to the nearby shop for some cigarettes as she needed something to do and get her mind off getting drugs or alcohol.

Buying the cigarettes, she carried on walking and sat on a nearby bench as she lit up and started smoking, closing her eyes letting the fresh air hit her, enjoying the peace of her surroundings. Hoping by some miracle an idea for a new mix would come to her.

She did not know how long she stayed there, but seeing as nothing came to her she decieded to head back to try and get some sleep and not to think about what was going to happen tomorrow in her first counselling session.

* * *

Returning back, she saw the empty kitchen and made her way upstairs to her bedroom when she bumped into Aubrey.

"You're back? How was the walk?"

"It was what I needed, a bit of fresh air." Aubrey seeing as Beca was not in the mood to talk further nodded her head and wished her a good night. Beca did the same and got ready for bed herself.

Setting down in her bed, she tried to close her eyes and let sleep take over.

 **Her brow creased and could feel her heart raced as nightmares once again plagued her sleep. In her nightmare, she was alone standing in a dark room, she called out but only heard the sound of her own voice echoing, when she suddenly turned around as sounds of footsteps approaching her. She wanted to run, wanted to hide but she found she couldn't move, instead she felt herself being flung against a wall and fear building up as she watched her 'attacker' towering over her grabbing her chin to make her face her, due to the darkness of the room she couldn't see the face but she couldn't mistake the thick German accent.**

 **"You think by talking to another person about what happen to you will get rid of me?" Kommissar, laughed. "I will always be a part of you here…" She touched Beca on the crouch, making Beca tensed and the tears flow. "But especially…Here." Kommissar pointed to her head. "You never get rid of me that easily Fraulein. I win!"**

Beca instantly woke up as she felt the visual slap to her cheek. "FUCK!" Chloe came rushing in only to stop by her bedside and once she saw Beca starting to settle down but still a bit disorientated she slowly started to make her presence known. "Beca…"

Beca heard her name, moving further back as she can go on her bed and through instinct hold her arms up to protect herself from any harm "Please don't hurt me."

"Hey, Beca it's me…It's Chloe. You're safe now." Beca put her arms down and when she saw Chloe she just broke down. "I don't think I can go through with it tomorrow…She's never going to leave me. She's always going to haunt me in my sleep." Chloe held her. Beca looked at Chloe tears running down. "Can you please, stay with me tonight…"

"Beca…" Chloe hesitated knowing it was not a good idea. "Please…" Seeing and hearing the desperation, she nodded and laid down beside her.

Hoping tomorrow can help her quieten the inner demons in Beca's mind.

 **TBC... Beca finally speaks to someone**


	13. The First Step is Always the Hardest

**As always thanks for the reviews guys**

 **Chapter 13 The First Step is Always the Hardest**

Beca was woken by movement on her bed, she saw Chloe getting up, their eyes met, for a few minutes not a word was spoken until Chloe spoke. "You okay?" Beca just nodded her head, holding her ribs. "I get your tablet and some water." Beca just nodded her head and gave her a smile.

When Chloe return Beca was still in bed. "Are you in that much pain? You need to go to the hospital?"

"No, just trying to get the energy to move." Beca again gave a little smile. "Did you manage to get some sleep?"

"Just a bit, not much…Thanks."

"For what?"

"For staying with me last night…It really helped." Chloe returned the smile. "You're welcome, I leave you to get changed. What do you want for breakfast?" Beca thought about declining breakfast but after her restless night and lack of energy this morning she thought it will be best to have something to eat. "Toast will be fine."

"You got it! I see you downstairs." Watching Chloe leave, Beca laid back down in bed, replaying her nightmare and having knots in her stomach about her appointment. Could she go through with the appointment, talking to a complete stranger about what happened? Leaving her feeling vulnerable? One thing she knows that she does need is a cigarette.

* * *

Seeing Aubrey and Stacey already making breakfast as well as making out, Chloe greeted them. "Good morning! Since when does a kiss on the lips count as breakfast, the way you both were sucking at each other…I mean kissing right now." Stacey hugged Aubrey. "You're just jealous…"

"I am not…I have my Joe right here." Chloe grab Aubrey's cup of coffee and savoured the bitter taste. "You can't beat a cup of Joe first thing in the morning."

"Well I beg to differ…" Stace argued back as she went back to kissing Aubrey. Making Chloe up her stakes and taking a bigger gulp of the coffee. "What are you having, Chloe?"

"I just get myself some cereal, but can you put a couple of slices for Beca?" Aubrey did just that whilst still carrying making out with Stacey.

"Seriously guys, isn't it too early for that?" Hearing the voice, they all turned to see Beca walking down the stairs.

With a nose of a blood hound Aubrey caught the whiff of the smell of cigarette coming of Beca's clothes. "Did you just smoke inside the house?"

"God sake Bree! I smoked out the window."

"Beca…" Chloe warned knowing what started as a light hearted friendly bickering, Beca's sudden mood killed it. "Sorry." Beca apologised to Aubrey not wanting to cause further upset to Chloe. "Here's your toast." Aubrey slammed the plate on the table. "Hope you don't choke."

"Bree…" Chloe had now warned Aubrey, not wanting any sort of argument in the morning. Stacey looked at Aubrey rubbing her back in comfort. Breakfast was eaten in silence Stacey looked at Beca as seemed to be staring at her plate and not eating her toast she tried to break the silence. "What are your plans today? Fancy doing something later?"

"I already made plans with Chloe later."

"Okay, tonight then? It has been ages since we hung out." Except from Chloe and occasionally Lily with the odd arguments with Aubrey. Since coming back to Barden Beca has shut herself off from the rest of the group. Even though she missed Stacey's company. "I can't sorry made plans!"

"What? To stay inside your room again? I hardly see you." Beca could feel the anger building up inside she just wanted to be left alone, she knows that after today's session it will take a lot out of her. Stacey was going to argue some more but seeing both Chloe and Aubrey's faces she left it. "Okay maybe next time, then?"

"Maybe…" Beca her plate back after taking a few bites, even though she trying to force herself to eat she just couldn't. "If anyone needs me I be in my room." The women nodded their heads and watch Beca head back to her room. "Beca?" Aubrey shouted out. "If you are going to smoke. Can you please smoke outside?" Beca just nodded and carried on all that was heard was the slamming of the door.

Aubrey looked at Chloe. "What?" Chloe asked. "What are you plans with her today?"

"Just taking her out. Get some fresh air that sort of thing." Aubrey just nodded. "Good…Hopefully she will start to open up a bit more."

"Hopefully." Chloe replied hoping that the counselling session will be her first step to recover from her ordeal.

* * *

As the time was nearing for Beca's appointment, Chloe went upstairs and knock on Beca's door. Beca opened it "Shall we go?"

"I guess…"

"It will be okay…Besides you have me." Chloe smiled. "I know." Beca returned the smile.

The drive to the building was done in silence. "We're here!" Chloe said putting the car in park, she looked at Beca clearly seeing how nervous the brunette became. "You will be fine, remember to go at your pace. Give me a call when you finished and I be here." Beca just nodded and left the car without saying anything further.

Beca just looked at the building, it was like any other building, besides the name of the building it did not seem out of place and you wouldn't know that it was a place for counselling. Taken a deep breath she forced herself to go in before backing out, she could also feel Chloe watching her until she enters and knowing Chloe like she does, she knows Chloe will stay there for a long time just to make sure she doesn't come back out, so she had no choice but to go in.

She pressed the buzzer and said her name, hearing the voice to come in, with shaking hands she pushed the door and taken another deep breath, stepped in.

She was greeted by a woman in her forties, friendly and with a smile on her face. "Hi you must be Beca! I'm Jennifer but you can call me Jen." Beca just nodded. Inside the building she notice the décor was like any other household, give or take the many leaflets for advice.

Jen pointed to Beca to take a seat on the sofa as she was going to discuss how the sessions would go. "Now, I know that this is nerve wrecking for the first time, but please don't think I will pressure you into telling me everything. We go at your pace and everything that we discuss will be done in private and in confidentially." Seeing Beca just nod and play with her sleeves. "How about I start and we go from there?" Beca again nodded. "The volunteers here have been through similar situations like you. We can offer advice on how to move on. You don't have to be afraid, here." Beca at first looked away and mumbled something. "I did not catch that." Jen asked gently. Beca faced back at her and repeated what she just mumbled. "I said what happens if I can't get passed it? If I can't move on with my life?"

"Is that what you think?" Beca nodded. "I mean it happened over six months ago. This will be the first time I would go in depth about it." Jen smiled. "We had women who were abused years ago and only now felt it was the right time for them to contact us and confront with what had happened to them. You are not alone. For me, personally? It was last year that I found the courage to seek help and I was abused as a child by a relative."

"How did you cope during that time?" Beca asked, she felt less tense as she listened to Jen about her 'experience'. "I thought it was normal at first. That this is what happens to everyone. Then you get to an age and your friends talk about their family and then you realise that what was happening to you, wasn't normal and didn't happen to all Isn't right, isn't okay and that what they are doing to you is wrong. I coped by rebelling, I was out of control. He was my family, family are the ones that you could trust."

"What happens if it was a woman that had taken advantage of you and not a man?" Beca apart from saying it out loud to Lily, she hadn't repeated ' _that'_ since. "You will be surprise how many women we get here that have been sexual assault by another woman. It's still a small average but still one too many. Would you have coped better if it was a man?" Jen asked Beca seriously and Beca suddenly went quiet. Jen stopped, seeing how Beca was suddenly becoming uncomfortable. "How about I make us a cup of tea, while you have a moment?" Beca gave silent thanks, nodded her head and felt a bit more relaxed. "Okay…You take sugar?"

"One please…"

"Coming right up." Jen smiled as she walked to the kitchen.

Receiving the cup of tea Beca played with the cup before looking back at Jen. "Where do I start?"

"You start where ever makes you feel comfortable." That comforting smile never left Jen's face and Beca found herself smiling back as she realised that there was no pressure to be forced into saying anything that she didn't feel comfortable with. "I had experience in high school with my best friend, you know? It just started with a kiss nothing too heavy or serious, we just... never talked about it. Instead, she spread rumours about me being gay and how I took advantage of her. Let's just say I got quite a few beatings for that…" Beca stopped. Gaging Jen's face as she spoke, but seeing Jen still interested in what she was saying and not pressuring her to get to the main point, she felt she could carrying on. "When I got a boyfriend and she saw how we were with each other, she got jealous with what I had with him. She corned me in the toilets and told me she never forgot the kiss and how she was my first proper kiss and he won't have that experience, that she won. She then pushed me against the wall and forced herself to kiss me. I didn't want it and tried to push her off me." Beca stopped as reliving what happened years ago made her eyes well up. Still Jen never interrupted her, waiting for Beca to gain back her composure.

"I didn't think about it, for many years…it was what it was. It was only when I was 'attacked'…" Still not managing to say the real term. "…Six months ago, that brought it all back…"

"What happened?" Jen gently asked. Beca let a small laugh and looked out of the window. "I was starting to get somewhere in my life, had a plan, once I finished college. I was going to LA to become a DJ, you know? Making my dreams come true."

At this point Beca put her cup down on the table and stood up, walking over towards the window and just looking out of it. "I did not expect it. I was in the college a-cappella team. We caused a bit of controversy during a performance to the president. We were put on suspension, where all our tours that we had lined up went to a German group."

Beca looked over Jen again seeing the attention was still there. "I never thought of myself being gay or even remotely fancy the same sex, God's sake I even had a boyfriend that I..." Beca cut herself off from saying the word love. These past months saw her questioning whether she truly loved Jesse or not. "...I had a boyfriend...I dated boys...I just can't explain why I found this German woman attractive and before I knew it I was complementing her…It didn't just happen the once. It was every time I saw her. She just…For some reason made me feel weak at the knees. Then we went to Copenhagen for the worlds. We won and I was having the time of my life…I went in the bathroom and that's when she corned me and wouldn't let me pass, then…" As the memory was relived, the sudden feeling of fear that captured her then, came back, now. Beca stopped herself for continuing further, as she felt her heart racing and she began to panic. "…Sorry I can't… I just can't…I need to go."

Jen nodded in understanding. "If you want we can end it here…" Jen wrote something on a piece of paper and stood up. "Here…It's my number, phone me and we can set up another appointment. I'm hoping you do contact me. You've done really well." Beca accepted it and started to leave. "Beca? I do hope you come back, man or woman remember it was not your fault."

Beca looked at her and left the building.

* * *

She was about to call Chloe but was not surprised seeing her and her car still in the same place when she dropped Beca off. "You waited?"

"I told you I be here…" Looking at her watch she noticed that she had not been inside for long. "That was quick! Everything okay?" She asked in concern. "I don't think I am ready for this yet. Can we just go?" Chloe nodded her head taking in how upset she was and did not question her further she took themselves home.

* * *

Once arriving back home Beca rushed to her bedroom and went straight to the bathroom to have a shower.

Chloe gave her space for a few hours, Aubrey arrived home they chatted. They turned their heads and saw Beca coming down the stairs. "I'm going to the Radio Shack to talk to Luke about when he wants me to start."

"Okay, you need me to come with you?" Chloe asked. For some reason Beca just snapped at her. "Jesus Christ Chloe! I don't need you to be my fucking shadow every fucking day! I am capable of walking on my fucking own without the need of you coming with me everywhere. It's just the Radio Shack! Why don't find something better to do then follow me everywhere."

"Sorry I just thought that after…"

"Like I said Chloe I don't need you to be my god damn shadow! I see you later." Beca left ignoring Aubrey as she was shouting after her, slamming the door as she left.

Aubrey turned to Chloe. "What happened? I don't know how long I can put up with her mood swings!"

"She just had a rough day, Bree…It was her first counselling session…" Chloe mentally kicked herself for letting the counselling slip. "Counselling?" Chloe did not say anything back and tried to take her mind off the altercation with Beca. Aubrey watching Chloe trying to distract herself suddenly asked. "Is this have something to do with the German captain of DSM? What's her name? Kommissar?" She saw Chloe stop in her tracks and turned to face her. "What?"

"You've mentioned her name once or twice. Did something happened between the two of them?" Aubrey queried. "Is that why she being such a bitch, to you?"

"Drop it Bree!" Chloe snapped back in defence of Beca. "You don't know what you are talking about!"

"It's because no one is telling me anything! This…Whatever this is, is no longer affecting you! I feel I can't be in the same room as her without arguing with her, in my own house!"

"So you want to kick her out is that it?"

"I didn't say that. I'm saying how long do I have to keep on trending on egg shells? Because she's having some sort of mental break down?" Aubrey snapped back. "It takes as long as it takes. As long as she needs me!" Chloe argued back.

"Chloe…" Aubrey dropped her tone to a more sympathetic one. "Going by the way she just snapped at you. Have you considered that she might not want help?" Chloe was now in Aubrey's face. "She has asked me for help in LA! And that's what I'm doing!"

"Who's going to help you?" Aubrey answered back with the anger raising. "Excuse me?"

"It's all fine helping Beca, what about you? Who's helping you? I want to and I want to help Beca but I can't."

"I don't need it! I'm fine!" Aubrey watched as Chloe just walked and moments later hearing the front door slam. "Nice one Bree…" She said to herself, kicking herself that she should have handle that better.

* * *

After speaking to Luke he told her she can start next week, but if she wanted something to do she can help him sort out the records for tonight's play list. "If you got any mixes of yours laying about feel free to put them on. As I said before you have some good mixes."

"Unfortunately, I don't. I haven't done that for a few months."

"So it was a phase then? The real world has finally set in? It's a shame. You had some talent there." Beca just put on a smile. "Yeah, the real world had set in." Knowing Beca for a while Luke knew when to drop the subject.

* * *

After a couple of hours Chloe returned a bit more calmer, seeing Aubrey quickly wiping her face from the tears that had been shed and Stacey comforting her. Chloe sighed knowing it wasn't Aubrey's fault as she was kept in the dark and is still being kept in the dark and she hated herself for it.

Knowing Aubrey like she knows her. Aubrey would help Beca with her ordeal but like she said to her before, it wasn't for her to tell Aubrey…It's up to Beca and she needed Aubrey to understand that. "Hi…I'm back. Look Aubrey." She said at the same time Aubrey said her name. Chloe let Aubrey speak first. "Chloe I'm sorry about earlier on…I just feel useless that I can't help Beca or support you with that."

"I know, I'm sorry too but you have to understand, it really isn't for me to tell you. I know it's hard but can you respect Beca's decision?" Aubrey had no choice but to nod her head. "I hate fighting with you." Aubrey hugged Chloe and felt relieved Chloe returned the hug back. "Aw…we are all friends again…" Stacey gushed and for no reason hugged them both.

All three sat down in the lounge when Aubrey spoke. "Do you think we have the old Beca back?" Chloe looked at her in shock. "What?"

"You really missing the old Beca?" Aubrey rolled her eyes. "What can I say? I do miss the old _'pain in my ass Beca._ ' But don't tell her that." Chloe laughed. "Your secret safe with us." Seeing Stacey nodding in agreement. "I miss her too and I want my drinking buddy back."

Chloe nodded her head thinking if ever Beca gets better, how much will her old self returned?

* * *

It was now getting late and still no sign of Beca, after telling both Aubrey and Stacey that it was okay for them to go to bed as she will wait for Beca. Chloe try not to worry about her, but this was Beca! How can she not be worried about her?

Her mobile suddenly rang… Looking at the ID she didn't know whether to sigh with relief or to shout in anger for making her worry so much.

"Beca! Where are you? Do you have any idea what time it is?" Chloe asked in a mixture of both worry and anger. "Chloe?"

Her concern grew when it wasn't Beca that answered the phone, but…

"Jesse?"

 **TBC... Ooooh**


	14. Jesse's Cameo

**Chapter 14 Jesse's cameo**

"Jesse? What are you doing with Beca's phone? Oh, my god! Is she okay?" Chloe asked in a panic thinking of the worse. "She's fine she just had a few too much to drink. Can you come and pick her up? I will tell you everything when you get here."

Chloe agreed and wrote the address, left a note for Aubrey as she didn't know how long she will be.

* * *

 **Earlier on at the club**

"Be-caw!" Beca didn't need to turn her head round to know who called out to her. "Jesse, long time no see." Jesse sat next to her and ordered himself a drink. "What brings you back? I thought after Barden you'll be heading off to New York."

"That was the plan…But it's been hard. It's a tough competition out there! So I thought I come back for a bit of a break seeing the folks and try again. I'm still young…" Jesse showed Beca his trade mark smile, before he turned serious. "Beca!? About last time. I shouldn't have slapped you…" Beca still focusing on her drink, like it was a crystal ball hoping to tell her what her future was going to be, simply replied back. "No, you shouldn't but you did!"

"I'm sorry and I just want you to know that! When I sobered up, I regretted what I did and went over to the Bella House to personal apologise to you. But Fat Amy told me you had left without a word…" That silence between her and other people had become the norm. "…I hope it wasn't because of me." Beca then faced him, seeing the regret of what had happened between them clearly shown on his face and seeing that he truly meant what he said. "No, it wasn't because of you." She sadly smiled. "I just had a lot of shit happened to me before that." Jesse detect the sadness in her voice. "You need to talk about it?" He asked in concern. "Nope, I just need to drink."

"Okay…"

"Okay…" They both sat side by side drinking.

Jesse had grown over the six months and wasn't the heavy drinker as he once was, watched Beca drinking what seemed to be her fifth drink in as many minutes. "Shouldn't you calm down a bit with the drinking?"

"Look who's talking…" Beca laughed. "Hey…I've grown…" Jesse laughed back. "…Seriously though…Are you okay?" Beca looked back into her drink before once again looking back at him. "Not really…But one day I will be."

After Jesse watching Beca downing many drinks later she made her move on him. "Do you fancy to fuck me? For old times, sake?" Beca suddenly put her arms around his neck.

"Beca…I don't know what is wrong with you, but I'm not like that. Why don't I get a taxi for you?" Beca felt again rejected. "Figures…" Like with Chloe she took Jesse's rejection hard. "I know that I am tainted…"

"Beca?" Jesse asked worried about his former girlfriend's behaviour. "What happened to you?"

"Nothing, that I want to talk about… Why don't you want to spend the night with me?" Beca questioned him. "Beca it's nothing against you. A lot has happened over the last six months…I have a fiancée, I'm actually meeting her here."

"And the world keeps on spinning…" Beca mumbled the mention of Jesse's engagement only reminded her how life goes on, for other people. "Sorry what?" Jesse asked. Beca shanked her head. "It's nothing, never mind. Forget about it. So? Who's the lucky lady? What's her name? Where did you meet her? Come on dude I want details."

"I met her in New York, she was studying multi media. We hit it off and she's from Barden…" Beca at this time was drifting off into her own world as Jesse gushed about his fiancée.

She was grateful when he suddenly stopped only to see his smile widen and his attention diverted to the gorgeous, tall black haired woman that just entered the club, seeing as she smile and was waving to Jesse making her way over towards them.

Seeing how love up the newly engaged couple as they kissed and hugged she rolled her eyes and ordered another drink. "Sorry…Beca…This is Marie, Marie this is Beca…" Marie smiled at her and offered her hand which Beca shook.

"So, Marie I hear congratulations is in order…"

"Thank you…I've heard so much about you..."

"If it was good! Then it's true, anything else just ignore it!" Marie smiled. "It's good..."

"So what made you get engage with this movie geek?" Beca asked. "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return." Even though Beca hated movies, she didn't mind the odd musical and she knew that Marie has just quoted a line from the movie Moulin Rouge to display how much she loved Jesse and it was from Nature Boy sung originally by Nat King Cole . "Great now I know two movie geeks. You deserve each other." Beca even though she said it with a smile, Jesse could detect her sarcasm, but knowing something was wrong with her, he let it passed.

Seeing Marie dragged Jesse onto the dance floor, Jessie made sure Beca was okay before heading to the dance floor.

Beca had another drink before she to thought 'fuck it' and headed to the dance floor herself, getting lost in the music, she didn't notice a man putting his arm around her waist and started to dance provocatively. Jesse keeping a close eye on her did not like the way the guy was making his move on her. He watched as Beca kissed him and saw as he was started to lead her away, Jesse apologised to Marie and explained that he needed to make sure Beca was safe. Marie nodded her head as she understood, she knew Beca was not a threat to her, but she also knew by what Jesse had told her about Beca she was and always will be special to him.

"HEY!" Jesse shouted out. "What do you think you are doing?"

"What does it look like? I don't hear her complaining?" The guy argued back. "Jesse. Go back inside, this has no longer got anything to do with you!"

"Do you hear that Jesse? This has nothing to do with you. So why don't you be a good little boy and go back inside with a bitch of your own." Jesse can feel his anger build up and apart from the slap he gave Beca he was not a violent man, but when seeing Beca in danger that passive side of him gets thrown out of the window. "Beca, you don't know anything about this guy?" Jesse tried again to reason with her. "I know that he is willing to give me what you no longer can't"

"Enough talk…" The guy grabbed her by the arm roughly and had now started to drag her, towards his car. "Shit!" Without thinking Jesse balled his hand to a fist and punched him, despite the guy being a bigger built then him, Jesse took advantage that the guy was nearly classed as paralytic and was easy to knock him out. "What the hell Jesse? Why did you do that for?"

"You needed help." Beca thought back to the similar argument when in their first year and she repeated now what she told him then. "You are not my boyfriend. You had no right to do that!"

Jesse had seen Beca drunk but not this drunk and it scared him, he went to try calm her down. "Beca…You need to go home."

"No, I need to get laid."

"Beca…" Jesse tried again. "It's okay for you, you have your dreams. You be going to New York soon with your gorgeous fiancée, with your fancy career. Everyone lives have moved on from Barden…" Jesse had never witnessed this side of Beca ever, he knew something really bad must have happened to her. He saw her going to fall so he went over to her and held Beca up as she was stumbling over her feet, resulting in her nearly falling over, nearing twist her ankle.

"…Now I broken my favourite heels…Well Chloe's heels…Wait! I'm not wearing heels…You're really tall? Do you know how tall you are?" Beca went from a state of anger to being a 'happy' drunk, forgetting the man out cold on the ground. Hearing Chloe being mention he knew who to call. "Beca, can I borrow your phone? I'm going to call Chloe."

* * *

When Chloe arrived at the club, she saw Jesse holding Beca up and another woman by Jesse's side. After Jesse updated Chloe including introducing his fiancée. Chloe congratulate him and then sighed when Beca was talking rubbish and making herself giggle. "Want me to call you a taxi Jesse?"

"Oooh let me…" Beca interrupted and turned to Jesse. "Jesse…You are a taxi…" Making herself laugh. "Really?" Chloe couldn't help but smile. "Shut up it's funny!"

"We'll be fine…You got her?"

"Yeah I got her…" Chloe managed to but the seat belt on her. Walking to the driver's side she thanked Jesse for his help and invited the couple to visit.

Seeing the car drove off, Marie looked at Jesse. "She really does mean a lot to you, doesn't she?"

"Yeah…Whatever she is going through I hope she gets the help she needs." Marie kissed Jesse on his cheek. "What was that for?" He smiled. "You are a good guy Jesse, she's lucky to have you as a friend." Jesse returned the kiss twice as passionate on the lips…

"Let's say you and I get out of here…" Seeing Marie agreed they flagged down a taxi.

* * *

Chloe after many car stops so Beca can be sick, arrived back home and trying to shush Beca as she took her to her bedroom. Heading straight to the toilet and wincing at the sound of Beca throwing up. "Have you all ways notice how much sweetcorn there is, in sick? When you didn't eat any?"

"I haven't thought about it and I guest, it's one of life's great mysteries." Chloe couldn't help but smile.

Beca after finishing spitting out the last bit of sick lean back against the tiled wall, closing her eyes to take a few moments, before Chloe gave her a hand up. "Come on let's get you to bed, shall we? I'm sure you will feel this in the morning." Beca laid on top of the bed. "Like mother, like daughter." Beca muttered and was now in the 'truth' stage of the alcohol. "Did I ever tell you that my mother is an alcoholic? I thought I would never end up like her! How wrong was I? I even sleep around like she had."

"Beca?" Chloe laid next to her feeling her trying to make sense when she is slurring with her words. "Chloe, I…I…I need to tell you something. I wasn't telling you the truth about the night in LA why I cut my palm."

"Beca, you need to rest, don't think of that for now!"

"No…I need to…You need to hear it…you… deserve to know the truth…As I told you I would need to take drugs, have sex or be blind drunk to try and knock myself out so that I can have a peaceful night sleep."

"Okay."

Chloe wipe away the tear that run down Beca's cheek held her chin to make her look at her. "Whatever you have to say to me, I won't be mad."

"I had to cut my palm because I did not want to hurt you…"

"Hurt me? How?"

"That night whilst you were sleeping, for a brief second I became a person that I did not want to become. I touch your cheek and your chest and I wanted to touch more but…That's not the person I want to be."

"Are you saying that you tried to take advantage of me? As I slept!?" Chloe asked in shock, feeling that she would rather not have been told. "I know, I know but I just wanted to sleep without having the nightmares. So, I rather inflict pain on myself then on you. I never want to hurt you."

"Oh Beca…" Chloe brushed her hair. She decieded to try her luck and asked about how the counselling session went. "It wasn't as bad as I thought it will be, but I still can't talk about that night."

"It will take it's time. You should keep on going to her." Chloe encouraged. "Yeah, I'll see…I'm tired."

"Okay…Go to sleep…"

"Will you be here when I wake up?" Beca asked in a childlike manner. "Always, I will never leave your side."

* * *

The next day Beca felt like a train had hit her, her head was pounding and she didn't want to move a muscle, but she forced herself to open her eyes. "Good morning sunshine, well afternoon." She heard a more then cheerful Chloe. "What time is it?"

"It's lunchtime…" Chloe replied. "I slept for that long?" Beca groaned. "Yeah…" Chloe had been up all night thinking what Beca revealed to her about LA and had decieded not to bring it up unless she did, she didn't even tell Aubrey, yet another secret that she was hiding from her. "What happened?" Beca asked. "What can you remember?"

"I remember that I was rude to you and going to the Radio Shack to help Luke."

"Yeah well, I did say I be your verbal punchbag."

"Still I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you. I also remember speaking to Jesse. Was he here?"

"No, he was at the club that I picked you up from, he saved you from going home with a stranger." Chloe spat out. Beca could detect a bit of anger coming from Chloe. "Chloe?"

"First, that one night stand…then last night? God knows what would have happened to you if Jesse wasn't there to intervene…" Chloe stood up and began to pace about. "Beca…You have to keep your drinking under control…I don't know if I can handle another phone call like last night…I thought the worst had happened and it nearly did, if Jesse wasn't there… " Chloe saw Beca was about to speak and cut her off. "Before you say something! I know…Believe me I know how much you're struggling. Maybe Aubrey is right for you to go to rehab. I can't keep watching you self-destroy yourself…" Chloe sat beside Beca facing her as she holds her hand and the tears running down her face. "…I don't want to lose you."

Beca looked down, before looking back at her. "You won't lose me…I was upset with the counselling not because of the person, because I still can't say in detail what happened. I make another appointment…" She promised. "Now that I know what to expect I might be able to handle it better. Please don't force me to go to rehab. I will control it better." Beca begged and went to wipe the tear off Chloe's cheek, but didn't missed the flitch and seeing Chloe move away from her touch. "Chloe?" She saw Chloe not looking at her. "Chloe? What else happened?" Beca seeing Chloe was struggling with what was going through her mind. "Chloe? Please tell me! Did I upset you, in some way? Chloe please tell me! So that I can make it right!" Taking a deep breath Chloe knew she had to say what she knows about that night in LA. "In your drunken state, you told me what happened in LA…About how you touch me whilst I was asleep. That's why you cut yourself as you did not want to hurt me." Chloe saw Beca's face paled. Her eyes following Beca as she rushed to the bathroom, to be sick. "Beca?" Chloe called out to her. Beca then came out and was about to hug Chloe but she stopped herself. "Chloe I'm so sorry… I did not know why I did or attempted it in the first place. How can I make it right to you? Do you hate me?" Looking at Chloe eyes deep down she knew why, but her emotions are everywhere at moment, she told herself she will defiantly make that appointment.

Chloe sighed, she could never hate Beca. "Beca, you know you shouldn't have done that. I am glad that you told me, even if it was when you were drunk. It cannot happen again. If you want to make it right to me. Make another appointment and talk about what your feeling to the counsellor."

"I will…" She went over to where she kept Jen's number she took it out, stared at it then looked at Chloe and dialled her number.

"Jen? It's Beca… I would like to make another appointment."

 **TBC... Not one of my best chapters I just needed to do a filler, to tie a few things up... Never the less I hope you still enjoyed it! :)**


	15. Reliving

**Sorry, for the delay... This was actually quite a hard chapter for me to write had to do so many alterations. I hope you enjoy this chapter...**

 **Chapter 15 – Reliving**

After a couple of days Beca stood outside staring at the door waiting for Jen to open the door. "Beca! Hello come in." Jen offering a seat to Beca. "What anything to drink?"

"No, thank you."

"Okay…How are you feeling since I saw you? I'm glad that you phoned me back." Beca played with her sleeves, Jen waited patiently for Beca to speak. "Honestly? I felt terrible. I had to have a shower straight away and I snapped at my friend Chloe."

"I can understand that. It was your first time speaking to a stranger about what happened. How do you feel about it now? What made you phone me?"

"After snapping at Chloe, I went to my work place to try and take my mind off everything. Then afterwards, I went to a club and drank my sorrows away. I met my ex-boyfriend we talked, spoke about the last we saw each other was the same day of my attack, we argued he slapped me, which he apologised for… I then had planned to spend a night with a stranger which he stopped me by punching the guy out. Chloe then came to pick me up…" Jen saw Beca fiddling with her sleeve some more. "She spent the rest of the night watching over me…" Beca then turned away not wanting to see Jen's face, or her reaction to what she was going to say next. "…I phoned you because in my drunken state I told Chloe something that I did to her whilst she was sleeping and I'm scared that it might happen again or I'm going to hurt her."

"Okay…Beca I am going to reassure you again that I'm not here to judge you. I'm here to advice and help you anyway I can."

"I understand that now…" Beca for the first time smiled at Jen. "Okay. What did you do?" Asked Jen. Beca could not at first look at her, but knowing she has to face her demons she turned to face Jen. "I nearly took advantage of her while she was sleeping."

"How so?"

"By stroking her cheek and her chest." Beca again turned not wanting to see Jen's reaction. "Why?"

"I couldn't sleep…Without drugs in my system I get restless or I would end up having pointless sex, so I can forget."

"What made you stop?" Beca faced Jen again not believing that she didn't raise her voice or seemed angry at her. "I-I- I had to go to the bathroom and cut myself on the palm." Beca lifted her hand to show the healing cut marks.

"What did your friend say when you reveal this to her?"

"She told me to make another appointment with you…and here I am." Beca showed Jen her nervous smile. "Then I can't help you!"

"WHAT!?" Beca shouted. "B-b-but you said…"

"I know what I said…I want YOU! to ring me when you're ready and not because your friend suggested it as a favour! Counselling only works when the participant is willing to relive their demons no matter how hard it is. Answer me this! Would you, have rang me if that night did not happen?"

Beca looked down on the floor, she couldn't face Jen and shook her head, then looked back at Jen, she replied honestly. "No, I wouldn't."

"Then I will see you when you are ready." Jen went to stand up and show Beca the door. "That's it? You are not going to continue?" Beca stood up but made no movement. "If you rang because of your friend asked you to. Then you're not ready."

Beca still made no movement not believing that Jen was kicking her out. "Wait a minute! You are kicking me out? How can you kick me out!?..." Beca felt the tears dropping and her hands clenched into fists, she could feel her whole, body shake. **"YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO BE HELPING ME!"** Beca screamed.

"I have got a busy day…If you're not ready..." As heartless as Jen was being she needed to make sure Beca was herself ready to relive those dark moments of the past six months.

If she doesn't do this now she might never receive the help that is needed. "Beca…The help is here, I will help you…You have to want it! You have to relive those dark moments and only then you can let the healing begin." Beca wiped her face then put her hands behind her head and looked upwards to the ceiling.

"I'm ready…I want your help…" Beca then built the courage to face Jen. "I NEED! your help!" Seeing that Beca was genuine, smiled and asked Beca to sit back down.

"Okay…Are you ready to start where we left off?" Beca nodded as she sat back down and let her mind go back to that day and relive what happened. "Remember take a deep breath, we can stop at any time when you need a break. I won't interrupt you." Beca nodded again and began…

"…Like where we left off, apart from Casey I never kissed someone of the same sex as me, let alone thought about it. When I was face to face with Kommissar…That's the name of the woman who…" Beca paused seeing if Jen would say anything but like Jen promised she would not interrupt her. Beca gave herself a moment before carrying on. "… _'attacked'_ me…I found myself just telling her what I thought of her, I felt like I had no control on what was coming out of my mouth…When I was on my own in the bathroom and she cornered me and did things to me and force me to do somethings to her that I can't just yet go into. If she didn't act or had taken advantage of me the way that she did…I don't know if I would ever act on those feelings. She took that away from me and I can't get that back."

Jen nodded her head in understanding, still listening to every word that Beca was saying. "After that happened Chloe and another friend of mine saw her on the way out, Chloe thought that I just made out with her, cheating on my boyfriend and it had upset her. She was mad at me, she wouldn't talk to me, I had my boyfriend thinking the same especially since Kommissar told him that I tasted like a _'fine white wine._ ' I then lashed out on my friend CR who is an open lesbian and thought that she had over step the boundary with someone, so I punched her as well as punching another friend when she taped me on the shoulder. After that, knowing what I did! I knew I had to leave so I packed my bags and left for LA without a word. A lot had happened, I done things to try and block what had happened out for six months. When my friend Lily tracked me down and told me that years ago the same thing had happened to her but it was a man, Lily was the one that got me to call it for what it is…"

"And what is it?" Jen notice that Beca went silent. "Do I need to say it out loud?" Beca asked. "Have you ever said it?" Jen asked back. "Only to Lily I only said it that one time and that was because she asked me the same as you did. Because it was a woman that attacked me, she had asked me _'Would it be anything different to if it had been a man?_ ' "

"Do you still think that way? That it wasn't rape because it was a woman?" Jen paused as she watched Beca still struggling but with what? Shame or something else? Then it hit her! "…Or is it because there was a part of you that your body reacted to her touch? That a part of you gave in to her? That's why you don't consider it as rape?" Jen gave Beca a couple of minutes to let her think about it. "To be honest? I still don't know! Logically I know what she did was wrong and the same thing if a man did it! I mean I did not want her to…you know…touch my body…" Jen saw how much Beca was struggling with finding the right words. "I did not want her to touch me, I wasn't prepared for it, but for some reason I can't accepted it! I can't accept that a woman could do that to another woman! I mean… I admit I did have a bit of a crush on her I suppose, that's why my body reacted to some of her touches…You know… to my sensitive spots and I…I…She knew it! I mean my body shouldn't reacted the way it did when it's been under _'attack!_ ' You want to know the funny thing is? The first thing that popped into my head was _'at least I can't get pregnant!_ ' I mean who thinks that?" Jen nodded her head. "So that's my story, now you tell me! How I do I begin to move on from this? Without hurting any more my friends along the way?"

"How have you been coping, so far?"

"By taking drugs, drinking…" Beca stopped "…And having sex…"

"With other women?"

"When I was in LA it was with men, in order to get by, to survive day by day…A few nights back it was a woman…"

"How did that feel? Having sex after what had happened?"

"It was, what it was… Just sex…No emotions involved! But, I just needed to be the one…"

"In control?" Beca nodded her head.

"Is that all?" Jen asked as she noticed Beca hesitated, that this was only the beginning of her troubles and was fidgeting even more. "What more is there?"

"Your struggling, with your sexuality perhaps?" Beca gave a small laugh. "Are you serious?"

"Yes…You had assaulted your friend and you had sex with a woman, after what you been through it's understandable." Jen studied Beca's body language "My sexuality is not in question here! I'm here to get help to move on from this!" Jen sensed it was too soon for her to push the subject further so went back to the topic at hand.

"Okay…What about the use of drugs and alcohol how often do you get high or drunk?" Beca could feel herself getting tensed and heart racing feeling trapped and quickly to defend herself and make Jen believe that she was not a Junkie or an Alcoholic. "I'm trying to cut down on my drinking and drug taking…"

"How's that going?" Beca her leg was shaking up and down showing signs that she was uneasy in talking about the subject. "It's going slowly but it's okay… Chloe is trying to help me with it!" Beca was lying and Jen knew it, but again not wanting to push her further.

"Okay…Everything else okay? Nothing else you want to bring up." Beca did want to say something else, she wanted to mention that she was awaiting, for some STD results soon but decieded against it in-case there was nothing to worry about and did not want to make a fuss. Beca shook her head _'no'_ "So what can you advise me to do to move on?" Beca wanted to focus on the main topic. "You need to keep yourself active doing the things you like…Go back to music? Jogging? Try breathing exercises…How are you with going out on your own?"

"I'm fine… but it's when it gets crowed I panic…"

"How about your sleeping? You still get the flashbacks?" Beca bit on her bottom lip. "The past two nights, have been okay. I stay awake until I'm exhausted…That way my mind is too tried to think about anything let alone have flashbacks."

Jen just nodded, still knowing that Beca was hiding somethings, but she couldn't push her.

She looked at her watch she had already gone over the scheduled time. "I like for you to keep coming to see me at least once a week."

"How long for?"

"Normally for ten sessions but we can add more if you still need it." Jen smiled. Beca to be truthful, can start to feel some of the weight lifting off her, she started to be more relaxed in talking to Jen about what happened. Whether or not she can talk to her about her other problems, will might take some time for Beca to trust her completely. "You should be proud of today, Beca, You have done well!"

"Thanks...I feel a bit better." Beca stood up and shook Jen's hand. However, Jen handed Beca a pamphlet about drugs and alcohol. "I'm not saying you have a problem, I'm saying if it gets out of control again. There some useful numbers in there. So, same time next week?" Beca look at the given pamphlet then back at Jen. "Yeah, same time sounds good. See you till then."

* * *

Beca smiled as she saw Chloe waiting for her. "You seemed a bit happier, session went well?" As Beca put on her seat belt she turned to face Chloe her smile still showing on her face. "Yeah, it went better then, last time. Still a way to go but I get there."

Chloe caught sight of the drug and alcohol pamphlet in her hand. "Oh, you going to arrange an appointment for substance abuse?" Beca looked at Chloe at face in puzzlement but then seeing Chloe pointing to what she was holding Beca was quick to drop the subject. "No, she just gave it to me in case I found myself getting out of control again."

"Okay…I still think you should say something to Aubrey, not mentioning the rape but something…So she would know what to say and what not to say without upsetting you. She's afraid to say anything to you in case you shout at her again."

"No! Can we please drop it! Besides it wouldn't change a thing. Aubrey would still say whatever she wants."

Chloe was silent as she started the car. "What?" Beca asked. "Nothing."

"Chloe, I know you long enough now, to know that you have something on your mind. So, tell me."

Chloe sighed. "I think you should ring one of those numbers. You smashed up your equipment up the night before last. Had another go at Aubrey. Seeing as you get your results from the STD test soon. I don't want you to go straight to the nearest local drug dealer and get off your face."

"That won't happen." Beca tried to reassure Chloe that it won't happen again but she looked out the window as she said it.

She did not want to face Chloe because she knew what Chloe would say next. "That's what you keep telling me…"

Beca still looking out of the window and hummed in acknowledgement but again did not say anything, closing her eyes she did not want to hear the rest of what Chloe had to say. "…Do I need to remind you about that night? The same night everything kicked off..."

Beca open her eyes and watch the buildings as they were driving passed, pressing her head on the coldness of the window.

Like with everything that had happened so far…

She wanted to forget that night, the night after she revealed what she did to Chloe and she did not know how it started and things got out of hand so quickly…

"…The night you could've died?"

 **TBC... I glad this chapter is done...Anyone so has been to counselling would have an idea on how long it feels being there and how hard it is to talk at the beginning. Hopefully next chapter I will be able to go back to writing the dark stuff again.**

 **Thanks for reading.**


	16. Beca's Breakdown

**Seeing as it's Easter have a long chapter!**

 **Chapter 16 Beca's Mini Breakdown**

 ** _(Before Beca's second counselling session - where we left off in chapter 14!)_**

 _"Jen? It's Beca! I would like to make another appointment..."_

"...Wednesday? Yeah, that will be okay…See you then…" Beca turned to face Chloe. "My second session with Jen will be this Wednesday."

"So, I heard." Chloe got up to hug Beca. Beca tensed up body contact was still tensed. "You're doing fine. Will you be okay till then?" Beca nodded her head. "All I'm asking Beca, is to stay off the booze and drugs…"

"I will…" Chloe smiled at Beca's response. "Aubrey gone to work?" Chloe nodded. "She will be back around 6, why?"

"She doesn't want me, here does she?" Chloe sighed. "She does, she just doesn't know how to act around you. You have to remember that it's up to you whether you want to tell her or not. I can't make that decision for you." Chloe saw Beca nod and start to exit the room. "How about I make you some soup? It will at least line up your stomach."

"Soup will be fine…" Beca hesitated, watching Chloe nearly out of the door, before calling her back. "Chloe?"

"Yeah?"

"Are we good? I mean after what you know about that night in LA?" Chloe looked at Beca she saw Beca was still fighting her demons and also knew that she regretted what happened. As Beca wouldn't have harmed herself to get rid of that feeling, but she also remembered when Beca had put her hands around her neck, causing bruising, then there was the time when she took the slap when Beca was once again having a nightmare, Chloe never mentioned it again. Wearing polo neck jumpers to hide bruises. Luckily, they were starting to fade and to her knowledge Aubrey never mentioned it to Beca. _'Once she sorts her nightmares out, she will be okay.'_ Chloe thought and hoped. "Yeah we're good…Get changed and I have some soup ready and waiting for you! Chicken and mushroom, sound good?" Beca smiled back. "Chicken and mushroom will be great."

* * *

Once Beca got showered and changed she met Chloe in the kitchen as promise the soup was ready for her. "Smells great!"

"Thanks…" Chloe served the soup and handed a bowl to Beca, she then sat down to join Beca at the table. For a moment no one spoke, till Chloe broke the silence. "So? What are your plans for the rest of the day?"

"I'm going to try and put my head down to concentrate on getting back to doing my mixes. Hopefully when my head gets clear I should come up with something. I have to keep myself busy."

"That's good. How's your ribs? Need anything for them?"

"Nah, the pain has subsided and the bruising is starting to fade."

"That's good." The small chit chat between the two women was dying down, each lost in their own thoughts of what to talk about next, anything to take their mind off what the true problems that was bothering them. "The soup's great, by the way."

"Thanks…" Chloe saw that Beca was indeed hungry as she nearly finished her bowl. "Want more? There's still some left."

"I'm fine thanks."

Once Beca finished her soup she got up and started to head to the sink to wash her bowl out. "Its okay I will wash up. You get started on those mixes."

"You sure?" Chloe nodded her head, so Beca headed for the stairs to try and get back in her groove to do her mixes.

* * *

Beca sat down on her table, switched on her laptop and put on her headphones listening to the music that she had last uploaded.

It seemed time had stopped as she was just staring at her laptop, she must have heard the same songs a thousand times, but still her mind was blank, she found herself messing about with the keyboard software but still nothing came to her. She sighed and looked at her clock and saw it was only two forty. She sighed again and for now gave up, deciding that she just might need some fresh air to clear her mind.

Putting a hoodie on Beca went back downstairs and let Chloe know that she was going out. After the last time Chloe did not offer to join her, as she herself, wanted a bit of distance away from Beca to have a good think about a better way of helping her to get rid of the guilt that she knows, Beca still feels every time she has an episode and lashes out at Chloe.

God only knows how Beca would feel if Chloe were to mention what she had done to her when she has nightmares.

Now, she found out about how Beca 'felt' her up when she was asleep! Asking herself how long can she keep on protecting Beca before she herself breaks and reveal everything to Aubrey.

* * *

Beca walked around not really knowing where to go, until she saw two lads making a drug deal. She had the intention of putting her hood up and to walk pass them, but she found herself walking up to the lads, asking if the dealer had some coke and weed on him. After looking at her to make sure she was a customer and not a cop he nodded.

Exchanges were made and she headed back to the house. Hoping Chloe would still give her privacy.

* * *

Beca returned and called out to Chloe, Chloe in turn greeted her asked how the walk was and if it helped clear her head. Beca nodded and went straight to her room.

* * *

Inside her room, she locked the door and took out her _'purchases'_ and laid them on the table. She has been trying hard not to give in to the temptation of drugs, hoping her love for music will get her through this pain. But she was at a lost as nothing was coming out of her, music wise. Looking at the tiny bags, if she was strong enough to flush the drugs in the toilet in LA then surley she's strong enough to ignore the craving now. She put the little bags back inside her pocket.

She tried again to put her head down and to focus on her mixes. Trying to get her mind off Chloe, she noticed that Chloe's behaviour around her had changed, since her _'secret'_ was out. Not that she can blame her. However, It still left Beca confuse on why she was bothered so much about it. Why she has these strong feelings for Chloe? Was it just because she was bending over backwards in helping her to get better? Or was it more than that? Was she falling in love with her? She could not understand why she was hurting Chloe as much as she was. Is it because it was Chloe and knowing Chloe like she does and the feelings that Chloe has for her, she can manipulate them, to her advantage? Knowing she won't retaliate? Knowing she wouldn't push her to go to rehab? Knowing that she can _'control'_ her in some way and she would not fight back?

Knowing that she can be a _'bitch'_ to her and get away with it unlike Aubrey, who will no doubt follow through with her threats?

Her head still hurts from last night's drinking session and all this extra thinking was not helping her.

She looked at her laptop again and still nothing was coming to her. She played all her music and even listen to some new ones that where in the charts right now as well as checking out music sounds from all over the world, to see if she can use anything with them, as it will be something new and fresh.

Still nothing.

She sighed, put her laptop on sleep and decide to lay in bed for a bit letting her mind rest.

After an hour's rest, she woke up and again went back to her laptop, still nothing. By this time she had enough, she felt herself getting angry with herself for not getting motivated enough so she broke down and threw her laptop against the wall and all her DJ equipment in the bin.

Chloe heard the commotion and ran upstairs, she knocked on Beca's door. "Beca?" At first no answer, Chloe tried again. "Beca?"

"Yeah?" Came the reply. "Everything okay?" Beca looked at her laptop on the floor and her equipment in the bin. "Yeah…Everything is just peachy…" Chloe detect that Beca was upset. "Beca? Can I come in? I want to make sure you are alright, I heard a lot of banging. Are you sure that you are okay? Can you please open the door?"

Hearing Beca sigh, Beca opened her door but blocked the entrance. "What?" Beca snapped.

Chloe looked at Beca and her sudden change in mood. "I heard banging and just want to make sure you are okay?"

"I'm fine." Even though Beca was blocking Chloe from entering her room, having the height advantage. Chloe could see over her shoulder and saw Beca's laptop on the floor and her equipment in the bin. "If you are okay then why is your laptop on the floor and your equipment in the bin?" Chloe looked back at Beca, with worry. "Beca? Talk to me! Let me in." Chloe could see Beca's eyes beginning to water up, Beca quickly turned away and walked towards her bed, letting Chloe to step in and sit beside her. "Beca…Please tell me what's wrong? Why are you destroying what you love?" Beca rubbed at her face and turned to Chloe. "It's too hard…I've tried a number of times to get back into doing my mixes but nothing is coming to me, my mind is at a blank…normally I would spend most of my time listening to music and doing mixes, but I can't do it any more…" Chloe was worried, knowing how much Beca loved her music. "Beca? What are you saying?" Chloe watched as Beca stood up and began to pace. "I'm saying… I'm done with music, I'm done with this shit…" Beca went over to where her laptop laid on the floor, picked it up and Chloe's eyes went wide as she witnessed what Beca was about to do.

Beca went over to her desk and with the laptop in hand she began to smash it numerous times on the desk, smashing the screen, then the keyboard. Chloe was actually scared to intervene and was frozen on the spot, she lost count on how many times the laptop had hit the desk, hearing the screen crack and seeing the end result. Beca then went to the bin and took the rest of her equipment out and did the same thing with them.

Chloe felt her blood drain after witnessing Beca having a mini breakdown and bits of equipment on the floor and Beca followed by dropping down on the floor her head in her hands. Chloe went and again sat beside her. "Beca?"

"What do I do now?" Beca whimpered as realisation hit her on what just happened. For once Chloe had no answer, for her. "I don't know."

Hearing Chloe's reply Beca's mood darken even more. "You don't know? You said to me that you will help me find something. Or is everything that you say to me bullshit?"

"Beca?"

"Go! Chloe, just leave me alone."

"Beca?" Chloe tried again. Beca suddenly stood up and pointed at the door. "Chloe, I just said… GO!" Chloe stood up was about to say something but nothing came out, so she just nodded and left the room and Beca slamming the door behind her, locking the door.

Beca lean back on the door closing her eyes to try and calm herself down. "Fuck it!" she took out the little baggie of cocaine out of her pocket and went over to her desk, spreading the coke into a few lines and with a twenty began to sniff it all up in one go, not knowing or caring if her body can take such a large amount.

* * *

Chloe sat on the kitchen table trying to keep herself from crying, Aubrey will be home any minute now and if she sees Chloe in this state she knows it was because of Beca and Aubrey will follow her threat and will kick Beca out, as you only get once chance with Aubrey.

Chloe knows she being treated badly by Beca both verbally and physically but like with Beca, she did not understand why Beca is treating her this way. Chloe herself couldn't understand why she was taking it and sticking by her side defending her behaviour, even knowing what Beca had been through, was still no excuse for Beca to treat her like shit.

Chloe herself along with the majority of the world had one or two boyfriends in the past that tried to treat her like she was their property. She was strong enough to walk out on them but what was different with Beca that she wanted to, no… correction… willingly to, stand by her side no matter how badly Beca treats her? Wiping her face from the many tears that had been shed as she heard the laughter and the key turning in the lock.

Aubrey along with Stacy had entered the house even before Chloe uttered the words _'Bree, don't._ ' Aubrey only had to look at Chloe and run upstairs knowing what is causing her best friend's pain. Chloe and Stacy looked at each other knowing what's to happen ran quickly behind her.

"MITCHELL! YOU BETTER OPEN THIS DOOR NOW!" Aubrey warned as she pounded on Beca's door.

* * *

Beca on the other side was sweating, her heart racing trying to control her breathing, something was wrong…Something went wrong.

She looked at the now mostly empty little bag. _'Shit! Was it pure? A bad batch? Too much? Was it even cocaine that I took?'_ Beca was having these thoughts before hearing the noise coming from Aubrey. _'stupid, stupid, stupid…'_ she scolds, herself. _'Come on girl, just control your breathing, control your heart rate, remember you are in control…You are in control of your body, nobody else and not this drug …You are not going to die! Not today!'_

The pounding on the door was getting louder and lounder.

Beca somehow managed to pull herself from her chair and walk over to the door, with shaking hand she unlocks the door. Aubrey barged in, nearly knocking Beca over, she saw the state of the room all that Beca cherished, smashed and in pieces all over the floor. Facing Beca before she could even master a single word she saw the state Beca was in. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Beca took something.

She specially didn't miss the little clear bag with the small amount of powder on her desk.

Despite her concern, Aubrey has a short temper and it was the main reason the two clashed. "AFTER EVERYTHING I SAID? YOU BROUGHT DRUGS IN THE HOUSE!" She shouted.

Beca closed her eyes to again try to control her breathing and try to slow down her racing heart. Masking the pain, she was really in. Instead she smirked and gave a smart ass reply. "What's wrong Posen? Your daddy didn't give you enough love or hugs as a child?"

Aubrey felt herself losing her temper even more and wanted to wipe that smirk off Beca so without thinking she lost her self-control and gave Beca a hard slap, knocking Beca off her feet. "BREE!" Chloe shouted.

Chloe went to Beca's side, before another word was spoken by anyone, Beca began to start fitting. "Shit! Beca! Beca! Beca!" Beca did not respond. "Someone call the ambulance!" Chloe ordered, Stacy whipped her phone out and started to call 911. Chloe looked over to Aubrey with panic. "What have you done?"

Aubrey just stood there in shock with what she just witnessed and for once finding no words to say.

* * *

The ambulance came quickly with Chloe going with them and Stacy taken a shocked Aubrey in the car.

In the hospital, the nurses were bombarding them with questions, Aubrey showing them the empty bag saying that whatever Beca had took some from the little bag there was still a bit of white powder left but she did not know how much Beca had taken. The staff told the three women to stay in the waiting room.

All the three women either sat or every now and then paced, waiting for news on the troubled petite Beca. "Why did you have to hit her?" Chloe suddenly asked Aubrey, Aubrey looked at her and before she could say anything, Chloe saw the doctor come out and walking over towards them, her attention now back on Beca. "How is she? Is she…"

"Beca is fine! But I won't lie, it was a close call. We had to pump her stomach as we did not know what else she might have taken. We do know that what was in the bag was one hundred percent pure cocaine. We also found a bag containing marijuana in her jean pocket. She's resting now."

"Can we see her?" Chloe practical begged. "Of course. Follow me."

Seeing Beca nearly lifeless on the bed broke Chloe and she ran and sat by her side, holding her hand. "How long will she have to be here?"

"Overnight just for observation, if there are no further concerns then she can be discharged sometime tomorrow." Chloe smiled and thanked the doctor.

"Chloe…" Aubrey had now found herself the courage to speak. "Now are you willingly to get Beca some professional help? She needs to go to rehab."

Chloe let her go of Beca's hand as she faced her best friend. "You hit her…How can you hit her?" Aubrey again felt the anger boiling up and in return snap back. "Are you kidding me!? Did you just not hear me say about getting Beca some help? Or has the fact that she brought drugs in the house escaped your mind?"

"She needs my help…She going to see her counsellor on Wednesday…She just needs time, that's all."

"How much more time are you willingly to give her? Or until you realise that this runs much deeper then you can handle on your own?"

"She just went back a step, that's all. She will be fine." Chloe went on the defensive. " Keep telling yourself that! Did you not see her equipment smashed in her bedroom floor? Or that once again she had upset you. She needs to…"

"You are NOT going to kick her out! If she goes then I go…" Aubrey again found herself speechless. "Are you at least going to tell me what happened to her six months ago? I know it had something to do with that German Kommissar." Chloe looked at Beca then back at Aubrey, her loyalty to Beca outweighed her friendship with Aubrey. "Sorry I can't."

Aubrey just shook her head and left the room. Stacy stood and watched in silence the exchange between the two friends. One wanting to help Beca but did not know how to and the other wanting to protect Beca by being loyal.

As Aubrey was leaving the room Chloe for a moment took a few steps forward but as she turned her head back to Beca she found herself stopping and at that moment did not know if she should go after one friend or stay with the other. Stacy saw her inner battle and held her hand in the air. "It's okay…You stay with Beca I go check on Aubrey." She smiled sadly and started to exit. "Stacy?"

"Yeah…"

"Tell her…Tell her I am sorry, but I can't betray Beca's trust." Stacy just nodded her head and went after her girlfriend.

Unknown to them Beca had heard the exchange between Chloe and Aubrey.

* * *

"Aubrey…Aubrey…Bree…Wait!" Aubrey stopped as she heard her girlfriend calling out to her. By seeing the shaking of Aubrey, knew she was crying and for the moment just hugged and kissed Aubrey on her head. "What can I do? I want to help both of them. I shouldn't have hit Beca, okay? I know, but I just can't stand by and watch Chloe suffer herself whether Beca realises or not the abuse that she is giving to Chloe."

"Are you going to kick Beca out?" Stacy gently asked, as she put a lose strand of blonde her behind her ear. "I want to… For her sake; but you heard Chloe. If Beca goes she will too! I be making Chloe choose between me and Beca…I don't want to put Chloe in that position, especially since I know this time she will not choose me."

"Oh Bree…" Aubrey turned to face her girlfriend and cried on her shoulder.

Stacy can understand what Aubrey is feeling as they both feeling the same thing…

…. The feeling of being powerless.

* * *

Chloe was lost in her thoughts when she heard a soft moan, turning to see Beca's eyes flicker. Chloe stroked Beca's head. "Hey!" Chloe saw Beca about to move but gently placed her hand on her shoulder. "Just rest…Don't push yourself, okay, your body has been through a lot."

"What happened?" Chloe turned away, not knowing if she should tell her the truth now or later. Seeing the struggle Beca placed her hand on Chloe's. "Please…Tell me…I heard you and Aubrey arguing, about me. What happened? What did I do? Did I hurt you again?"

"No…You did not hurt me." Chloe lied. Beca leaned back further into her pillow. "Chloe, please? Tell me."

After hearing, everything that Chloe had told her what happened in her bedroom, Beca look like she was going to throw up. "Do you want me to call a nurse?" Beca shook her head no, she pinched the bridge of her nose not believing that she finally snapped from the lack of motivation of music. "What the hell am I going to with my life now? I have no back up plan! I'm not good at anything else!" All the stress Beca was feeling from the past six months to now had finally find its way out and Beca broke down. "Whatever it is I will help you find it. I promise." Chloe seeing how upset she got up and went on her bed put her arm around Beca with care, kissed the top of her head and hugged her, Beca hugged her back, which Chloe did not expect.

They both stayed liked that before letting sleep take over.

* * *

 **The next day**

It was in the late afternoon when Beca was discharged and Chloe came to pick her up. The journey on the way home was done in silence.

As they returned home Beca asked where Aubrey was, Chloe told her that she was at work and will stay at Stacy's tonight, Beca then went straight to her room and notice the mess and what was left of her once cherished possessions all over the place. Chloe leaned on the doorframe. "You need a hand to clean up?" Beca didn't say a word she just nodded and they both cleared up the mess.

The rest of the day Beca was in her room pondering until tomorrow with her second session with Jen wondering where her future will now lie.

* * *

 **Present...**

Reaching the driveway after a deep counselling session with Jen and _'silent'_ treatment from Chloe, they both entered the house and shocked to find Aubrey waiting for them with her suitcases packed...

 **TBC...**

 **Thanks again guys - Have a Happy Easter!**


	17. When One Bella Leaves Another One Return

**RJRMovieFan As always thank you for the review! Hope this one will be to your liking!**

 **Chapter 17 When one Bella leaves another Returns**

Both Chloe and Beca stared at Aubrey then at the suitcases that was beside her. "Aubrey? What's going on?" Chloe asked. "I'm not going to rehab! Are you going to kick me out?" Beca nearly panicked as she saw the bags, feeling herself shake, dreading that she had pushed Aubrey over the edge and had gone through with her threat. "Despite of what I said to you, I gave you a chance and you blew it! As much I want to kick you out or force you to go to rehab. These are not your bags but mine."

"Aubrey? What are you saying?" Chloe spoke. "I'm saying that I can't stay here. I'm staying at Stacy's for a least a week. If you not willingly to accept my help, then I can't be here. I'm tired of walking on egg shells around you. Mitchell."

Beca put her head down in shame she finally pushed Aubrey over the edge and made her leave her own house. "Aubrey, you don't have to. I move out."

"You should do! But, I rather you stay here so at least I know you're safe and you have Chloe. You might heal faster if I'm not in your face all the time. Besides it's not like this is the first time that you had spent the night in hospital for drugs, is it?" Aubrey looked at her wondering whether Beca was going to let them know that she had drug problems in the past.

Chloe looked at Beca, seeing that her face went white knowing that Aubrey knows something about her past. "Beca?" Beca ignored Chloe. "Beca? What does she mean by that?"

Beca can feel herself burning up in both shame and anger. "Did you speak to my father?"

"Yes."

"Why? Why would you go behind my back to do that!? I'm 21! I do not need my father to know that. What else did you tell him?"

"Who was going to pay for your hospital bill?"

"You rang my father because of the money to pay my hospital bill?"

"It was not just about the money, Mitchell!"

"THEN WHAT ELSE WAS IT? WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM!?" Beca can feel herself get even more angry and demanded an answer to her question. "There was nothing else I can tell him because you won't talk to me! Your father is worried about you! My god, even I AM! WORRIED ABOUT YOU!"

Chloe just looked back and forth as her two friends were arguing between themselves, voice rising, still having no clue what this argument is about. "Can someone please tell me what's going on?" Chloe looked at Beca. "What does she mean about that night, not being the first time you were admitted to hospital for drugs?"

"Mitchell? Are you going to tell her or am I? Because, unlike you I can't hide things this serious." Beca took a deep breath and faced Chloe. "She's referring to when I was in high school. I over did it and ended up in hospital…" Beca turned back to Aubrey. "You are such a bitch! Why would you do that? I was 17!...17! When that happened! That was different."

"It might have been different circumstances, but the outcome was the same. You bottle things up and you get self-destructive! You need help! You need to speak to your father!" Beca laughed and turned spiteful towards Aubrey. "Just because your dad didn't love you enough and treated you like shit, doesn't give you the right to preach to me about my own relationship with my father and it certainly does not give you the right to discuss anything else that I have or have not done, behind my back with him."

There was silence in the room Chloe had to hold her breath as she knows better than anyone that Aubrey was sensitive when it comes to speaking about her father. Seeing Aubrey's face turning red with anger, Chloe thought for a moment about stepping in, but seeing Aubrey not moving and herself taking a deep breath, she sighed with relief, that no punches will be thrown.

Aubrey turned to face Chloe. "I'm sorry Chloe, but I can't stay here. I need a break from this. Do you honestly still what to help her?" Chloe just nodded her head yes. "Then I see you in a week. Hopefully without my presence you can get through to her."

After calming herself down, realising Aubrey is really leaving, hit Beca hard. "Look, about what just happened, it's done and I should not have said that, you know... about your dad. I just need to do things my way. Don't leave…"

"Are you ready to tell me what happened?" Beca shook her head. "I can't…I just can't…I'm sorry." She can't tell Aubrey it was still too hard and raw for her to open up. "That's what I thought." They stopped talking when they heard a knock at the door. "That will be my ride… But don't worry just because I'm not here…" Chloe open the door.

There stood Stacy with…

"Lily?" Beca was surprised. "As I remember apart from Chloe, Lily also knows what happened to you. So maybe now you will have the help you need."

"Aubrey…" Chloe also thought that it was her fault that she finally pushed Aubrey to the edge, choosing Beca over her and given her no choice but to leave. "It's okay Chloe this is for the best. Like I said I need a break from the arguing. I be back." Aubrey went over to Chloe and gave her a hug. "I see you in a week." Aubrey turned to Beca. "Mitchell, you better sort yourself out, I'm given you another chance, you have a week! If me given you space is not helping then I WILL! Drag you down to rehab, regardless."

"Aubrey, I'm sorry if I'm pushing you out…"

"Well, I'm not really doing it for you…" Aubrey looked at Chloe, who turned away from her so that her tears will not be shown.

"Are you ready babe?" Stacy asked. "Yeah…" Aubrey looked at Lily. "I hope you can help her more then I could. Clean sheets are in the closet. Oh, and Mitchell…"

"Yes?" Aubrey went in Beca's face and whispered in her ear a final warning. "Remember what I said about hurting Chloe, if I find out that you lay a finger on her so help me god…" Beca gulped and just nodded.

With no more words being said Aubrey left. Leaving the three women to watch as the front door then look at each other not knowing what to do or say. "Chloe?" Beca asked as Chloe started to walk off. "Not now, we speak later."

Beca bit her lip as she could feel herself getting tearful, look over at Lily. "I've really fucked up Lily."

Lily smiled at Beca and sympathised with her. "Everything will be fine you'll see. Aubrey just did not know how to act around you." Beca showed Lily a nervous smile. "It's not just Aubrey…" She paused and Lily's eyes followed as Beca was watching Chloe retreating upstairs and into her bedroom.

"Do you want coffee?" Beca asked Lily, Lily nodded her head. "Please…One sugar…Do you need to talk?" Lily asked. Beca went to the kitchen putting the pamphlet down as she makes the coffee to give herself a few minutes before giving Lily an answer.

Turning to face Lily, Beca's eyes again was filling up as she blinked the tears rolled down her cheeks, this time she didn't bothered to hide them. "Please, help me!" Lily did not speak a word as she walked over to her and hugged her and said gently. "Let's sit down and talk."

After taking their seats at the kitchen table and cupping their mugs. Lily waited for Beca to begin. "I'm such a fuck up Lily, I've pushed Aubrey out of her own home, Chloe hates me and I went to hospital for ODing plus all the other stuff in between."

"Are you seeing someone about what happened, at least?" Lily asked. Beca nodded and told Lily about her counsellor Jen. "How is it going?"

"I admit it's taking some weight of my shoulders but there's a lot that I haven't told her."

"It will take time." Lily replied back.

Beca went silent for a minute as she wanted to ask Lily something personal and Beca for one was not the kind of person to get into someone else's personal life. "Can I ask you a personal question?" Lily nodded. "How long did it take for you to start to enjoy having sex again? I mean really enjoying it, and not like you feel that you need to have it."

Silence has once again filled the room and Beca was quick to retract her question. "Sorry I shouldn't have asked." Lily gave Beca a smile and placed her hand on top of Beca's. "It's okay. For me? Personally? It took quite a long time to have back that emotion and gain that kind of intimacy. I used to enjoy having the occasion one night stands before that happened to me. Afterwards it felt like I needed to have them so I can get that control back, it didn't matter on who it was. It was the fact that it was on my terms and no one else's. You do not realise how important and special having sex with someone is…Until someone robs that part of you by force. It wasn't until I meet Donald that I soon began to enjoy it again."

Beca couldn't help but be surprised at Lily's revelation about their one-time enemies. "As in treble Donald?" Lily nodded and continued. "We chatted on the bus I told him I feel joy by lighting fires, just to gage his reaction. He just nodded his head and said _'that's adorable'_." Lily smiled at the memory. "We just got talking over the few days, bonded over beat boxing and other things then before I knew it he leaned in and kissed me."

"Did it feel, right?" Beca asked. "Yeah, for once the kiss felt right and I felt my heart flutter, but I stopped because I did not want to feel that kind of emotion for it to be just another meaningless sex session."

"So, what happened? Did you tell him about the…" Beca broke off, for some reason she still couldn't say the word. Lily nodded her head and carried on. "I told him what happened to me…I was scared that it would put him off…Instead he kissed me on top of my head, gave me a hug and we just slept in each other's arms. He told me, he can wait and besides he has his right hand and in drastic times his left…" Beca couldn't help but smile, with Donald's weird sense of humour and Lily's craziness, they both suited each other. "…He kept his promise and when the moment arrived it was worth it. We're still going strong and if it doesn't work out between us. I know now that I can enjoy sex again."

Beca gave a small smile and Lily could see she was lost in thought. "Gaining that intimacy back regardless if it's a one stand or not should not be rushed Beca, you will know when the moment arrives."

"I know…" Lily could see that Beca was still struggling with something. "What's going on in that head of yours."

"I'm just finding myself getting angry all the time and quickly, I just don't know how to control it and I just lash out on Chloe. Did you know I could've killed her?"

Lily nodded. "We were talking on the way back and I noticed the bandana around her neck, she didn't go into details and I didn't push her for them…" Lily studied Beca's body language seeing now that she was shanking. "…Beca?"

"Do you also know that I nearly kissed her and that she stopped me? And, did you know what I did instead, of talking it out with her? I argued with her and stormed off to a nightclub, pulled a girl, took coke and brought her here to have rough sex with her. A couple of nights after that? I bumped into Jesse asked him if he wanted to fuck me and you know what he said? That he couldn't, wouldn't because he was engaged so I got drunk and went off with a random guy but Jesse stood in and punched him out. Chloe had to fetch me…" Beca paused as she stopped to take a breath, Lily said nothing but listen to everything that Beca had to say, at least get some things off her chest. "…That's not even the half of it…. I'm still waiting for some STD results, because of my stupidity, still having nightmares, smashed all my DJ equipment because I'm at a mind fuck, spent the night in hospital because some bastard gave me pure cocaine and as you know I made Aubrey leave and Chloe pissed off at me and that's still only scratching the surface. There things that happened in LA during the six months that nearly killed me."

Beca could feel that anger rising up, but trying to calm herself down by taking a deep breath and closing her eyes.

Lily waited until Beca calmed herself down, before she calmly spoke. "Did you know that I like to draw and paint in my own time? I was pretty good at it. After I was raped one of the things that I thought would help me was to try and carrying on with my drawing and painting, but I couldn't think, I didn't even know where to begin, it was like I lost all my knowledge of even the basics, I just couldn't pick a pencil up. To this day, I still can't."

"So, what are you saying? That I will never get back into music again? Because I am totally fucked then."

"What I am saying Beca is that you deal with these problems one at a time. Step by step, maybe call Jen up and instead of having one session a week, have two then when you're comfortable go back to one..."

"Okay I will try that… But until then, where do I even start?" Lily smiled and got up from her chair and grabbed the pamphlet on the kitchen counter and handed it to Beca. "Here, you start with this…"

Beca looked at the pamphlet that Jen gave her and Chloe argued about with her earlier on, in the car and just stared at it. "Beca… I know it's hard to admit it, I won't force you to admit it. All I'm saying is to give it a try." Beca just kept on staring at the pamphlet, her leg shaking up and down as she began to toy with it between her fingers and on the table, before giving Lily a silent 'yeah'.

Lily gently squeezed Beca's shoulder telling Beca she is going upstairs to check on Chloe, leaving Beca on her own to make a decision, whether or not to ring that number.

 **TBC...**

 **Should she? Or should she still be denial? Do you even care?** :)


	18. I Can Take It Still

**A small filler!**

 **Chapter 18 I Can Take It Still**

Beca looked at the numbers that were taunting her, she took her phone out and began to press the keypad.

* * *

Lily called out to Chloe who gave out a faint 'here' Lily knocked on the door, hearing a 'come in' she entered, her heart broke at the sight before her.

Chloe on top of her bed hugging a pillow. Lily went over to her and laid beside her, stoking her hair. "How are you doing? Beca is worried about you, she thinks you're pissed off at her. Are you?"

"No, it's not really her I'm angry at. It's me."

"Why?" Chloe sighed. "I have known Aubrey longer then I have known Beca. When we were at the hospital she and I had an argument. You should have seen her Lily, she was scared for Beca. I know Aubrey wanted…" Chloe paused and corrected herself. "…Wants to help her…I was so close to telling her, but I couldn't break Beca's trust, once that trust is broken she will run off again and I do not want that. If that was to happen I know of a fact that next time she'll make sure that we would not be able to find her. I'm the one that push Aubrey away, not her. I gave her no choice. I told her if she kicked Beca out then I will also go. For the first time, ever, I chose someone else over her. You want to know what the worst thing is? I would still choose, Beca over her…And I think she knew it…" Chloe sighed and looked at Lily and carried on. "How did it go down there? Did Beca tell you everything?"

"Just the main bits… I suggested to see her counsellor for two sessions a week instead of one. I told her to start with phoning the drug and alcohol helpline. The rest will then follow, it will just take time that she can't rush these things. When will she know about her results from the STD tests?"

"She told you about that?"

"She dropped it in conversation." Chloe nodded and answered Lily's question. "She will find out in a couple of days, she did somethings in LA that she's ashamed off, I guess in order to survive."

"So, she said…What about you?"

"What about me?" Chloe looked away from Lily finding the wall interesting all of a sudden, Chloe knew even though Lily was quiet she is also the most obersevant and remembering their conversation on the plane. "Chloe…She's mention she's lashing out on you…"

"Only verbally and I did say I will be her verbal punch bag…" Chloe was quick to defend Beca. "She only physically lashed out one more time when she was having a nightmare. That was only because I stepped in her personal space." Chloe continued stopping Lily from asking her anything else. "I be okay."

"Chloe, she also mentioned that she nearly kissed you, how much more can you take?" Lily asked in concern.

"Lily, I know what I am doing, besides on the plane you did say she needed to hit rock bottom in order to get better. I think she did that a couple nights back. She be okay now." Lily was about to open her mouth again, but saw a pleading look, to drop the topic.

"Okay I drop it…" Chloe sighed with relief.

Silence filled the room. Then Chloe broke it with a change of subject. "Here I am going on about Aubrey, Beca and myself..." Chloe turned to face Lily. "…I forgot to ask, how are you?"

"I'm okay." Lily replied. Chloe smiled at her and sat up, pushing herself back against the head board. "No, I mean 'HOW ARE YOU.'" Chloe empathised not meaning currently but with a past that she had moved on from, to bringing it all back up, in order to help a friend out. "It was a long time ago, if I have to relive it to help her then I will. I cope much better now."

"Do you think she will get past this this?" Lily smiled and replied. "She's a strong person, she might not know it now, but honestly? I think she will."

The two friends smiled at each other and before another word was spoken they heard a slamming of the front door. "Beca"

* * *

As Beca slammed the door she leaned back to take a moment saying to herself 'stupid, stupid, stupid.' Banging the back of her head each time. She needed fresh air, she now seriously needed to think about everything that has happened and seeing if she can make it home without drinking or drugs. She needed to be somewhere.

* * *

Hearing the front door slam both Chloe and Lily ran downstairs and saw the empty kitchen. Chloe's heart already racing and her face showing signs of worry. A crumpled piece of paper in the bin caught Lily's eyes. Going over to it and unwrapping it was the drug and alcohol advice pamphlet. "Oh Beca…" Chloe went to Lily's side and also stared at the pamphlet.

"You don't think…"

"Let's wait until she comes back." Lily reassured Chloe hoping that Beca had taken her advice. "You mean if she comes back."

"Let's have a bit of faith in her Chloe. She will be back." Chloe turned serious. "In what state?"

* * *

Beca stared at the building, she hesitated for a moment before raising her fist to knock on the door. 'Oh well I tried.' She thought to herself giving a few seconds before turning her back.

The door then open…

"Yes?"

Beca looked at the young woman in front of her

 **TBC...**

 **Thanks for reviews RJRMovieFan and guests plus all you guys for reading! Not the best chapter I admit but it will get there!**


	19. Swallowing Your Pride

**Chapter 19 – Swallowing your Pride**

When Beca saw, who answered the door, she felt panic. "What do you want?" The teen asked. "I'm here to see my dad…"

"Kelly! Who is it?" Beca heard a shout from inside. "It's no one important mum, just your step-dragon." The teen answered back. "Step-dragon?" Beca queried. "Well, you should hear what I call you behind your back. Besides, it no worse then what you call my mum, is it?"

"Touché." Beca replied back, no love lost between the step sisters. "Beca!? Don't just stand there! Come in! Come in!" Beca seeing Sheila face to face and a smile pestered on her face, like she was genuine please to see her was now, not so sure of herself. "It's okay, I just want to see my dad."

"He's still at work, he be finished soon, Beca…Please come in, we're worried…" Sheila saw her hesitated. "Even if it's only for a few minutes." Beca sighed, she truly did want to start rebuilding her life and listening to Lily needed to start making an effort in order to do that, so she nodded her head in agreement. "Okay for a few minutes."

"Mummy…" A boy of no more than four suddenly came running out. Beca smiled as she bent down to the boy's height. "Hi little dude." The boy not recognising Beca, hid behind his mother's legs. "He's a shy one, isn't he?" She gave a nervous laugh. "Well, if you've been in his life for more than a few months, then he will remember you." Kelly watched the interaction between her mother and step sister as she leaned on the door frame.

"Kelly that's enough." Sheila turned to the boy and pointed to Beca and told him. "It's Beca, you remember Beca? She's your big sister." The boy hid further behind Sheila's legs. Beca's heart broke as she knows that Kelly had spoken the truth about not being more involved with the family. "I think I better go."

"I'm not stopping you."

Sheila turned to face the teenager. "Kelly, I said that's enough!" She warned before facing back at Beca. "Do you want coffee?" Sheila asked. "…I haven't seen you for ages, like I said we've been worried about you. Please, stay." Beca chewed on her bottom lip, feeling the glare coming from her step sister as she entered. "I don't know why you bother after the worry she has put you guys through. It's not like her own mum cares." Beca felt sudden anger which she couldn't explain and found herself suddenly lunge at Kelly grabbing her by the shoulders, pushing her against the wall, with one hand grabbing her neck and the other into a fist which she raised and was about to punch Kelly in the face, but instead hit the wall. Fortunately, Sheila stepped in, to break the girls up before it could escalate any further, plus Lee was crying out. "THAT'S ENOUGH! There's a child in the room!" Beca saw her little brother and tried to go near him but he cowered even further in his mum legs, guilt filled her heart and tried to turn and walk out, but Shelia again stopped her. "Beca, don't go!" She then turned to her daughter. "Kelly go upstairs!"

"Mum, she's a druggie are you serious?"

"Kelly if you haven't got anything nice to say then go do your homework." Kelly as a typical teen muttered something before going to her room and slamming the door. Shelia apologised for Kelly's behaviour and lead Beca into the kitchen for a chat and some ice.

"Here!" Sheila gave Beca an ice pack which Beca put on her knuckles. "Thanks… look about just now…I…"

"I have a word with her, she was out of line." After making the coffee she sat down and offered Beca to join her, not a word was spoken until Sheila took a deep breath and spoke first. "How you been?"

"I've been okay." Knowing Beca like she knew Beca, it would not be easy getting straight answers from her. "Your dad, has been worried about you, I've been worried about you. He had many sleepless nights. Especially since he found out that you were in hospital."

"That's none of his business…" She again felt her anger raising and it seeped out in her voice, not intentionally but it was there. "Sorry, it's just I'm having a difficult time at the moment."

"I gathered. Do you need anything? Are you okay for money?" Sheila asked, she has been trying to get to know Beca over the years and she done the best she could without pushing her. James had told her want Beca's mother was like and reasons he could not take her with him, whether he did the right thing or not still played on his mind to this day. "No. I didn't come here to ask for anything, I just come here to tell him not to worry about me, I'm doing okay. I don't need anything from him. Also, I came to apologise for the way I spoke to him, in LA."

"I see. Where are you staying?"

"With some girls that I know from college. So, really I am okay." Beca feeling herself shaking and her leg bouncing up and down, quickly gulping down her coffee she made her excuse to leave. "Thanks for the coffee and the ice, I need to be somewhere."

"Any message for your dad?"

"Tell him I'm sorry and I contact him when I am ready."

Seeing her step daughter wanting to leave, Sheila did not stop her, as she headed for the front door. "Beca wait…" Sheila called out. Beca closed her eyes and looked up at the ceiling. _'so, close._ ' Before turning around, to face her. "Yeah?"

"Beca…" Sheila approached Beca wanting to put her hand on her shoulder but stopped half way as she saw the younger woman flinched. "…I know it's been hard for you over the years to accept me, Kelly and especially Lee but don't think for one minute that you are not part of this family, because you are! Our door is always open for you. Whenever you're ready."

Beca felt her throat seizing up not knowing what to say, sure her father has always told her that and had tried his best to involve her in things but she guessed she needed to hear from Sheila herself. It got even harder when she heard they were expecting a child together and she distance herself even more. "I know…Sheila…" Beca hesitated. "I…Just…I…Will see you soon." Sheila smiled and without further words, Beca closed the door, mentally kicking herself for not apologising about her behaviour towards her. She sighed and looked at the time. Cursing for running late she needed to be somewhere.

* * *

Standing outside another building, she took a deep breath and walked in. Looking around and taking notice of the people in the front reception she tried not to draw to much attention herself or to make it look obvious that she was staring. "What are you looking at?" A woman in her forties shouted at her. "Nothing…" Beca replied back and suddenly the floor looked interesting. "You better not, else I fill you in." The woman threatens. "Sharon, take it outside." The receptionist said. "Look at her thinking that she's better then me. Stupid bitch…" Before the woman could say anything further she was escorted off the premises.

The receptionist looked back at Beca and smiled. "Don't mind her, she's harmless…How can I help you?"

Beca stood still there were people in a worst state then Sharon, some had scratches to their faces, some were really pale like ghosts, some people looked they were here physically but somewhere mentally, talking to themselves. She did not belong here. "Nothing, I don't know why I'm here. I'm not like them."

The receptionist smiled and asked. "Why did you come here?" Beca smiled. "My friends were worried about me. It's not like I do drugs every day and defiantly not what they are on. I'm sorry to waste your time." She was about to leave when the receptionist called her back. "You wouldn't have come here, if you didn't think you had a problem. It doesn't need to be a big addiction." Beca turned back to her. "I'm not an addict."

"I didn't say you were, but would you have really come here because your friends are worried?" Beca stopped, what the receptionist had said was partly true, if things didn't happen the way that they did, then she wouldn't be here. Truthfully? She was worried about how far she will go, certainly looking at the people around her had put her off whatever they are on. But she can feel herself craving for another hit or at the very least want to go to the nearest bar and drink. "Look, how about this? I give you an appointment and it's up to you whether you want to turn up or not. How does that sound?" Beca thought for a moment, at this point does she really have anything to lose?

"Okay, I take it. There's no harm in trying I guess."

The receptionist smiled and gave her an appointment.

Now it was down to her whether she wants to follow it through or not.

* * *

For Chloe and Lily, it seemed like hours as they wait for Beca to return. "What happens if she's not coming back? I knew we scared her off, it's too soon for her to be coping with all of this."

"Chloe…" Lily started to say as she was watching Chloe pacing up and down, biting on her nails. "…Will you relax woman!" Chloe stopped and looked at Lily in surprise, as for someone who is quiet can be quite forceful. As Chloe was about to say something else, they heard the key turning the lock and saw Beca entering.

Chloe straight away gave Beca a hug. Relieved to see her and momentarily forgetting how tense she gets with bodily contact.

Of course, the relief had then turn to anger as Chloe slapped Beca on the arm. "Where were you? You left without leaving us a note!"

"Chloe I'm a grown adult! I don't need your permission for anything!" That anger was raising up again, she was trying hard to control it, really, she was.

Chloe took a step back. "I'm sorry, I was just worried about you that's all…"

Beca sighed, closing her eyes and took some deep breaths to calm herself down. "I know, I'm sorry too, it's just been a rough day."

Chloe nodded not missing the sight of her hand. "Oh! My god Beca your hand! Did you get in a fight?"

Beca, looked at her hand and bruising was starting to form. "Sort of…I…Went to see my dad…"

"You did!?" Lily asked in surprise. Beca nodded her head. "Did you fight?" Chloe asked again looking at Beca's bruised hand. "He was not there…But Sheila was, along with my stepsister…" Neither Lily nor Chloe said anything and let Beca carry on. "…I chatted with Sheila and she told me I was part of the family and that the door is always open for me whenever I'm ready."

"That's good, isn't it?" Beca nodded her head. "So why the bruised hand?" Chloe asked. "I had a fight with my stepsister…I lost my temper after she said something about my mum…I lost my temper in front of my little brother."

"You have a little brother?" Chloe again surprise, knowing how private Beca was about her family she liked that Beca was starting to open up a bit more. "Yeah, he doesn't remember me, I scared him when I lost my temper…" Beca can feel herself getting teary as she continued. "…I don't want to be this person that gets easily angry, I have never been like this before."

"Don't give up! You're doing well with the counselling. Keep at it! You will get there!" Lily encouraged.

"I know… I also went to that drug and alcohol place."

"You did?" Chloe was surprised but also pleased. "Yeah…I saw the state of the people that attend that place and I'm nothing like them. But, I did agree to give it a try. At least to control my ha…intake of drugs and alcohol." The hesitation of the word 'habit' did not go a miss by both Chloe and Lily but were happy that she was at least trying.

"Look, I'm shattered. I'm going to rest for a few hours…" Beca made her way upstairs. "Do you want me to call you for dinner? Your choice!"

"Pizza…will be fine."

"Shall we say 8?" Beca nodded in agreement. "Okay, I call you." After watching Beca disappear from sight, Lily turned to Chloe. "This is a good sign, she's more willingly to accept help and face her problems." Lily saw the worried look and Chloe's face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing…"

"Chloe…"

"I worried about how she will be tomorrow?"

"Why? What's tomorrow?"

"Her results from the STD test."

 **TBC...**

 **Finally the STD results... So much drama! I don't think I have the heart to add onto Beca's stress! We shall see...**


	20. Things Looking Up?

**RJRMovieFan- as always thanks for your review, hope this one is to your liking! :)**

 **Guest-Thank you and lastly Kdubya - Hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

 **And to all you silent types out there, thank you for favouring, following and just plain reading! :)**

 **Chapter 20 Things Looking Up?**

As Beca tried to settle down before dinner, she just couldn't sleep. Her body was aching, her head was heavy but every time she tried to shut her eyes, they would pop open. It seemed like a million and one things are running through her mind. Like when you do too much studying before an exam and you practically see every word that you had read going through your mind.

She tried one more time, but could still see Kommissar's face, smirking at her, taunting her knowing that so far, she won and Beca couldn't get rid of her. She also remembered why she did what she was force to do

 _ **"Eat me." Kommissar ordered giving Beca another slap as again she refused. Kommissar grabbed Beca's hair tight and whispered in her ear. "Do it else I take my frustrations on… What is the red head's name?"**_

She remembered how terrified she had felt not just for herself but for Chloe. She remembered the beating she received when she at first refused.

 _ **"The sooner you do it, the sooner this will be over and I won't go after the red head."**_

She remembered those words before forcing herself to carry out the forced vile act. She did it to protect the red head.

At the time, she felt she needed to do it in order to protect her friend. She now questioned if she could turn back time, would she still do it? And, risk Kommissar carrying through her threat to go after Chloe…?

* * *

Chloe had placed an order for pizza for 8.00 but was surprised to see Beca coming down the stairs early then expected. "Did you manage to get some rest?"

"Yes" Beca lied. Chloe knew it. "Beca…"

"Chloe please, not now." Chloe nodded her head not wanting to upset her further. "I've ordered the pizza, half Hawaiian and half pepperoni, is that okay?" Beca nodded her head not really caring she would eat anything at this point.

Beca looked around seeing no sign of Lily. "Lily not here?"

"She just popped out to visit some friends." Chloe noticed the look of disappoint on her face. "Beca what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Beca, please don't shut us out. You know what happens when you do." Beca sighed and sat down near Chloe. "Is Lily alright?"

"Why would you ask that?"

"It's just bringing back what happened to her, reliving all that trauma for me, I just…"

"Do you feel guilty?" Beca nodded her head. "I spoke to Lily, she what's to help you, we all do! The only person here to blame or who should feel guilty the most is Kommissar!" Beca looked at Chloe remembering what was playing on her mind a moment ago on what Kommissar had threaten to do with the red head if Beca didn't carry the vile act on her.

Seeing how beautiful Chloe was not just on her face or body, but her soul and spirit a more beautiful person then what she was. The question that she just asked herself a moment ago, about whether she would do it again if she can turn back time. She took all of Chloe's beauty in and she didn't need to question it! As Chloe smiled at her, she already knew the answer.

…Yes… She would go through all that pain again for her.

She then realised she would do anything for Chloe in order to protect that soul and spirit.

"Beca are you okay?" Chloe asked seeing how Beca was spaced out. "Yeah…I'm fine." Beca made the decision when Chloe arrived to get her in LA that she will never reveal the threat that was made towards her.

Chloe could sense there was more, she also wanted to protect Beca from her nightmares, she still felt a bit guilty about not giving her a chance to talk. If she had a magic wand that could erase that night she would use it. No one should ever go through that. She wants nothing more then to wrap Beca up in her arms and protect her from this ongoing trauma. Chloe could still feel her heart beating faster, at this moment she wants nothing to do but to hug her and reassure her that she was safe and she would not let anything or anyone hurt her ever again.

Both women looked at each other, deep in their own thoughts about protecting each other that Beca felt her heart beating faster also, those feelings she felt for Chloe were quickly resurfacing, she trying hard to fight those feelings. Once again taken in all of Chloe's beauty and wanting to taste those lips of hers and wanting to finally follow through with her feelings. Besides, there's no Aubrey to threaten her. So, what else is stopping her from going through with her feelings?

Beca was about to lean further to capture those lips, Chloe being capture by her eyes also leaned forward…

…Then the bell rang. "That will be the pizza!" Chloe jumped up and opened the door thanking the pizza guy to arrive in good time.

"Pizza's here!"

Beca gave herself a mental hand slap as the moment was gone. She smiled as Chloe handed her a slice and they sat in silence, trying to forget that brief moment of weakness when both women tried to succumb to their feelings.

As the evening drew to a close both Beca and Chloe headed for their bedrooms, both with their own feelings towards each other still buried deep in their own minds.

* * *

That night Beca still couldn't sleep, tossing and turning, sure she had dealt with trying to make amends with her new family, trying to sort out her drug and alcohol dependences. Dealing with different emotions that she was not used to, as well as the recurring nightmares, that have been stopping her from a decent night sleep.

* * *

Putting on her nightgown she went downstairs, making herself a mug of warm milk to see if that would help her get some shut eye, she then went outside to sit on the porch bench, she lit a cigarette and just sat there thinking and worrying about getting her STD results, looking at the clear night sky.

She didn't know how long she was there until Lily returned and saw her. "What are you doing out here?"

"Couldn't sleep! I thought I try a mug of warm milk to see if that would help."

"I see…" Lily sat down to join her. "Chloe in bed?"

"Yeah, I did not want to disturb her." Beca want to carrying on but Lily saw her hesitating. "What else is bothering you? Is it founding out what the upcoming results will be?"

"There's that and…"

"And what?" Lily asked gently. "When does it stop? The nightmares, reliving everything over and over again in your mind. When does it all stop?" Lily saw Beca's eyes filling up and tears started to run down her cheeks, Beca by this time was used to feel teary and not bothering to wipe them off. "They will lessen in time, there's no quick fix for it. The more you talk about it and face what happened. The nightmares will slowly die down, then before you know it one night you will find you won't think about it."

Beca turned to Lily and asked the question that was bugging her the most. "Do you hate me?" This caught Lily by surprised. "Why would I hate you?"

"I don't know, for bringing back your past?" Lily, like that morning in LA put her hand on top of Beca to reassure her. "Beca, I don't hate you. I am here to help you, trust me. I am fine, I know that you don't feel it at moment but you are one of the strongest woman I've seen. You will fight this! And, you will move on! Do you know why I know this?" Beca began to wipe the tears that were again running down her cheeks, and shook her head. "Because you Beca! Are BECA FUCKING MITCHELL! Always remember that!" Beca was surprise not just hearing Lily talk this much but to hear her curse, what felt like forever Beca couldn't help but let out a laugh. "Thanks, I haven't heard that in ages."

"It needed to be said… Seriously, though, you WILL! Get through this! You have us."

"I know…I know that now." Lily held her onto her hand a bit longer, before looking at the front door and stood up. "I'm going to go in and go to bed. You coming?" Beca looked at the now cold mug of milk, then back at Lily. "I'm going to stay out here for a bit longer." Lily nodded her head in understanding. "Okay. I see you in the morning" Lily looked at her watch realise it was the morning. "I mean later…Try and get some sleep." She saw Beca nod her head and went inside.

Beca took out another cigarette and lit it, thinking what Lily had said to her. Thinking about how she was six months ago in LA to just over a week when she returned back to Barden, how much she had changed and how far she had come and doing her best to sought out the help she needs.

Thinking Lily was right she can come out of this stronger because…

She was Beca fucking Mitchell…

* * *

It was around 10 o'clock before both Lily and Chloe came down for breakfast. Lily looked at Chloe seeing how tired she looked. "Did you get any sleep last night?" Chloe shook her head. "I couldn't stop thinking about today."

"Whatever, the result will be. We need to show Beca that we are here for her."

"Agreed. Where is she?"

"I spoke to her on the porch, before I came in." Again, Chloe nodded her head. "Did you guys talk?"

"Yeah, she thought I hated her for bringing all what happened to me up. I reassured her that I didn't and she seemed fine when I last saw her. Is she not in her room?" Before Chloe could answer they saw Beca coming downstairs. "Hey! Did you manage to get some sleep?" Lily asked. Beca shook her head. "I did try, but my head was spinning about today." She saw both women nodding their heads in understanding. "Do you want something to eat? We still have some pizza left over."

"Toast will be fine."

"Coming right now." Chloe was happy to see Beca eating something.

As Beca stared at her phone waiting for that all important text, to come through. "It won't make the result come any faster if you keep staring at it. Why don't you just ring them?"

"I give it a few hours before I phone them."

"What are your plans today?" Lily asked to try and get her mind of things. "I try and get another appointment to see Jen then I'm going to head to the Radio Shack and help Luke out." The toast pop out and Chloe saw Beca didn't flitch, she smiled as she took it as a sign Beca was starting to relax a bit more. Chloe served Beca her toast and sat down beside her trying to forget what might have happened last night.

"Have you heard anything from Aubrey?" Beca asked Chloe to break the silence. She saw Chloe taking a sip from her mug and place it down as she shook her head. "Not really, but Stacey did ring letting me know that she was okay, still upset."

"With me?" Chloe looked at Lily who nodded her head to tell her what was on her mind. "More with herself. She really wanted to help you. You know how she is about being helpless. Why can you not tell her?"

Beca nearly threw her toast down as she stood up. "Not this again! I told you and her I'm not ready to discuss it with anyone else apart from you two and Jen. Isn't that enough? If I do tell Aubrey what can she do?"

Chloe hold up her hands and apologised. "Okay, what about seeing an anger management class?" Chloe stepped back as she saw Beca staring at her. "Okay… I take that as a no, then." Chloe gave a small smile to hide her nerves and preparing for Beca shouting at her. "Chloe… I'm doing everything that you have asked me to do? Can I please have a bit of a break?" Chloe just nodded she didn't want to push Beca too far. "How about this?" Lily spoke about sensing the tension between the two. "Beca when you see Jen next. Ask if she can give you any techniques for controlling your anger. And Chloe, you have to try and give Beca some space and to trust her." Chloe nodded her head in agreement and apologised to Beca.

"I know you are worried about me, but don't be. I'm taking small steps and I will get there…" Beca turned to look at the time, realising how time is flying by. "I best get changed…"

Watching Beca leave to get changed. Chloe turned to Lily and asked what can they do? "Nothing…Nothing but just wait." Was Lily's reply.

* * *

Beca reached Radio Shack and as usual help Luke with the play list, she was still at a standstill with her music and so far, nothing is coming to her. Luke had some basic DJ equipment in the booth and from time to time encourage her to mess about with it, to she if her 'magic' touch returns as he kept on reminding her that she had the talent.

Seeing Luke leave for lunch, Beca sighed she about to dial that number for the clinic when she heard her message received 'ping'.

She read the text, closed her eyes and dropped her phone.

* * *

Lily and Chloe were just chilling out and looking at the time it was around 7 o'clock they haven't heard from Beca since that morning, both wanting to know what her result would be so that they can support her the best way possible.

Hearing the front door open. They were greeted by a very merry Beca. "I'm home bitches!"

"Beca?" Chloe looked at Beca who just about managed somehow to open the door, with a wine bottle at hand and some DVDs in the other. "Impressive." Lily said. Chloe gave Lily a stern look. "Well it is."

Beca looked at Chloe and took note of the concern look on her face. "Please, Chloe don't give me that look. You looking at me like I killed a cat or something. Come on, I just had a few and I'm not doing an 'Aubrey' and puking anywhere I didn't get into any fights and look I'm on my own. I have grown!" Chloe even though she knew she should be mad, but seeing Beca as a happy drunk did bring a smile on her face. "That's not all…I'm in such a good mood I not just BROUGHT not one DVD but TWO!"

"Wow, you must be in a good mood!" Chloe helped Beca in and all three of them sat down. "I take it you had good news then?"

"Yep!" Beca gave a goofy grin as she tried to open the wine bottle, with her teeth. "Wait…" Lily went into the kitchen to grab three wine glasses and a cork screw. "Here use this…" Lily stopped as she saw Beca trying to stab the cork screw in the cork. "You know what? I do it!"

As Lily filled the three glasses, stopping half way at Beca's glass but Beca of course tipping more in, raised her glass. "I AM CLEAN! The test results came back negative, but… I was advised to have another test in three months' time, for the HIV just to make sure. But I am clean!"

"That's great news…" Chloe beamed at last Beca has received some good news and she knows that is a load of her mind. She was however cautious on how much Beca was drinking. "Come let's put a DVD on. I have got Chicago and Thelma and Louise."

Chloe and Lily didn't argue they were still worried about her intake of alcohol but for tonight only, they decieded to let her have a celebration after all she has been through she deserves to at least enjoy tonight.

Half way through the second DVD, Lily couldn't keep her eyes opened anymore and excused herself to go to bed. Leaving the red head and the brunette alone, having all that extra room on the sofa, Beca stretched out and before she knew it put her down on Chloe's lap, Chloe subconsciously began to stroke Beca's hair.

Beca can feel her eyes starting to get heavy as she enjoyed the comfort of Chloe's touch. They were both content with each other's company that they watched the film in silence until the end.

As the credits were starting to role Beca spoke. "You are my Thelma."

"You are my Louise…" Chloe replied back. "Aubrey is Brad Pitt…" Beca laughed.

It was nice for once having a night to relax, Chloe yawned and tried to get Beca off her lap. "No…" Beca refused. "Come on Beca, let's go to bed."

"…I'm comfortable here."

"Beca…I need my bed." Beca huffed but reluctantly pulled herself up from Chloe's lap. "Come on, Beca let's go."

As Chloe pulled Beca up, somehow Beca had the wrong footing and fell back down on to the sofa, bringing Chloe down with her.

They both laughed at first with Chloe trying to pull herself off Beca, but Beca grabbed on to her neck and suddenly no one was laughing anymore.

"Beca?" Chloe managed to find her voice as her eyes look deep into Beca's. Every time Chloe tried to release her neck from Beca's grip. Beca tighten her hold. "Beca?" Chloe repeated. However, it seemed to fall on deaf ears as Beca pulled Chloe further down towards her lips.

Their eyes meeting each other, their lips parted, Chloe could no longer fight it. She as much capture Beca's lips as Beca captured hers.

Their kiss was of fire and passion, Chloe was on top of Beca, their hands exploring.

They have tried their best to keep their urges under control, tried their best to keep their feelings buried. Tried their best to deny the love they feel towards each other.

Now, that they kissed there is no going back.

 **TBC... Where should they go from here? Only I know ;)**


	21. The Next Morning!

**Warning- remember it's rated M for a reason 'rape' gets mention more then a few times in this chapter!**

 **Kdubya - Thank you for the review I do hope you don't hate me for this chapter! This is for you! I couldn't let you and others wait for too long! :)**

 **Chapter 21 The next morning**

Beca sat at the kitchen table drinking her coffee, when she heard footsteps coming into the kitchen. She turned her head and breathed a sigh with relief as she saw it was Lily. Lily herself was shocked to see Beca being the first one up. "Beca? This is a first! I thought you will be spending most of the day in bed."

"I've got an appointment to keep at 9.30."

"Where's Chloe?" At the mention of her name, Beca closed her eyes, trying to remember last night, she remembered the kiss and how passionate it was, but after that it was a blur. She just couldn't remember.

Seeing the empty wine bottle, she wasn't a big fan of wine but only a bit and Chloe's glass still had some wine in it, she had to ask. "Did you finish all the wine bottle?" Ask Lily breaking Beca out of her thoughts. "Excuse me?"

"Well, I barely had a half a glass and Chloe didn't not finish hers. So that leaves…"

"FINE! I had most of the wine okay? What's the problem? Besides you know I was celebrating. I'm sure when you got raped you had a night or so to just break free and to _'forget_ '" That anger that she couldn't control was again building up and she didn't care who she hurt, ignoring the hurt look on Lily's face. "Wow! Where did that come from?" Lily asked she could pass it as Beca having an 'off' day and realising this was the first time Beca said the _'rape_ ' word out loud. Beca just shook her head and Lily being ever so patient dropped it. "Who's your appointment with?" Lily asked, knowingly changing the subject. "It's with Jen…" The tone in Beca's voice still had the slight anger to it. "Do you want a lift?"

"Chloe should be taking me, but yeah I would need one." Lily nodded her head but there was one thing playing on her mind. "Is everything alright between the two of you?" She saw Beca given a stern look at her to drop it. "I'm just asking because I thought I heard shouting coming from your room."

"No, everything is fine." Apart from the kiss, Beca could still not remember anything after that. "I best get ready." Lily nodded her head and watched Beca go upstairs wondering what she heard last night was just her imagination.

After Beca got ready she knocked on her door and called out for Chloe, receiving no answer she just told Chloe that she was off to see Jen, shaking her head when she still received no answer. Beca went back downstairs and with Lily left the house.

Neither of them realising that Chloe was watching them leave from her bedroom window. Seeing the car leave she sighed with relief and went to the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror.

She sighed as she took in her appearance. It was nothing bad that she didn't need heavy make-up but can still be noticeable and it was bad enough that she remembered what happened last night.

* * *

Lily dropped Beca off for her session and Beca told her to return in an hour's time.

Like with previous sessions Jen welcomed her and made themselves a drink before having Beca talking to her about any further problems.

"So, Beca, the last time we spoke you spoke you were being more open. I'm actually glad you wanted more than one session a week. What changed your mind?"

"I've realised it's harder for me to cope. I drove one of my housemates to leave her own house because we were butting heads and Chloe was in the middle."

"Okay, so besides that what else has changed?"

"I started to make a bit more of an effort with my family and I made an appointment with the drug and alcohol unit. Which will be at the end of this week. I'm still debating whether to go or not."

"Anything else?" Beca decieded to tell her about the result from the STD clinic. "Like I mention at the last session, when I was in LA I did things that I am not proud of. Which, I had to get checked for. I had my result yesterday and I'm clean." Jen nodded her head. "So what problems are you still having?"

"I still can't sleep, I'm still having the nightmares and I still can't get back into doing my mixes. I... Just still feel so empty, so much that I'm not _'me'_ anymore." Jen made a mental note on her body language and noting how restless she is.

"Then, who do think you ' _are_?'" Beca gave out a small smile, which faded as she replied. "No one…I'm no one, anymore."

* * *

Lily arrived back at the house and saw Chloe in the living room, mug in hand and deep in thought. "Hey!" Lily couldn't be sure but she thought she saw Chloe flinched. She also noticed that Chloe went tensed when she sat beside her. "You okay?" Lily asked. Chloe did not turn to face her as she nodded her head. Lily knew that this was out of character for Chloe and by realising that, she knew whatever she heard last night was real. "Chloe, look at me…" Chloe still couldn't bring herself to look at her. So, Lily repeated herself. "…Chloe please look at me."

After a few minutes, Chloe did look at Lily, Lily had to try and force herself not to look shock as the small amount of lipstick and blusher did not cover up the split lip or the small bruise that formed on her cheek.

"Chloe…"

"It's fine…"

"No, Chloe it's not! Did Beca do this?" Chloe just nodded her head. "Figures, she was angry this morning."

"What did she say?"

"I mentioned the wine and who had finished the bottle because only had a bit and you did not finish yours. She snapped at me admitting she had drank it all and told me when I was raped I must have had a night when I just wanted to _'break free and to forget',_ It was the first time I actually heard her say _'rape'_ out loud."

"Oh" Lily took a deep breath seeing Chloe go back in thought. "Chloe? What happened last night? I thought I heard shouting."

"You did."

"So, tell me! What the hell happened last night?" Chloe sighed and relived last night's event.

"After you went to bed, Beca and I watch the rest of the film. She put her head on my lap and I stoke her head. Once the credits were rolling I asked her to get off and for us to go to bed. She said she was comfortable where she was. Anyway, I managed to pull her off me, she somehow tripped over herself and fell on the sofa, taking me down with her…" Chloe paused, hoping Lily would interrupt her but seeing as Lily was giving her, her upmost attention she sighed and carried on.

"…She had her arms around my neck and I tried, I really tried to pull my neck out of her grip but she wouldn't have it. We ended up kissing each other and my hand was wondering across her body, our kiss had deepened and Beca suggested to move it to her bedroom…" It was at this point that a tear dropped down her cheek. "Chloe? What happened?" Asked Lily fearing the worst.

"…Beca, push me hard against the door, that I hit the handle. Her lips were meeting mine, then their being placed on my neck…It was passionate, we were getting caught up in the moment. Then…" Another tear dropped down her cheek and she wiped it off. "…She pushed me on the bed, starting to undress me. That's when I released it was too fast, too soon and remembered that she was drunk. So, I grabbed her hands to stop her…You should see the look on her face Lily…There was so much anger in those eyes, she wasn't Beca…"

"Chloe, please tell me what happened!" Chloe took a deeper breath and carried on. "…She asked me what my problem was and…"

Chloe closed her eyes reliving that moment when Beca changed into entire different person.

 ** _'"Chloe what the HELL!" Beca screamed as she pulled her hands away from Chloe's grip. "I know you want this as much as I do! You wouldn't have kissed me if you didn't! What is your fucking problem?" Chloe didn't want to admit it to herself but she felt scared of Beca and didn't want to answer her, unfortunately her silence was met with a hard, back hand to her cheek, one of Beca's rings caught on her lip, causing it to bleed. Due to her anger, Beca did not registered what she had done and due to fear, Chloe couldn't say anything about it, instead she just found herself whispering. "I did try to stop you!" Which just made Beca even angrier._**

 ** _"Are you shitting me right now?" Beca then got off her and carried on shouting at her. "What is it about me? One minute you want to kiss me and fuck me…" Due to her anger Beca made it cruder then what it was. "…The next minute you giving me the cold shoulder and fob me off with some bullshit excuse."_**

 ** _"Beca…" Chloe tried to calm her down ignoring the pain in her lip and cheek and now stood up and went towards her to try and calm her down. "NO! Don't fucking 'Beca' me! There's no excuse! I told you my results came up clean! You still don't want to touch me, that way! I want to know why? Why won't you touch me?"_**

 ** _Chloe didn't know what to say, she wanted that intimacy with Beca more then Beca will ever know but Chloe needed to help Beca through her personal demons to even think about that at the moment, she knew she shouldn't have kissed Beca just yet, and she could blame the alcohol for her to give into that kiss, but Chloe knew what she was doing and she wanted that kiss for such a long time that she gave into that temptation. Getting no answer Beca came up with her own answer. "Is it because of what happened to me? Is it because I was raped by Kommissar that you won't touch me, that way? That I am tainted? That I am fragile, damage…broken?"_**

 ** _Chloe could see the many tears running down her cheek, knowing that many more was to follow. "…When you look at me, who do you see?" Chloe couldn't answer, even if she did what can she say?_**

 ** _Beca took Chloe silence as confirmation on her worst fear, that she was tainted and no one would want her. "FUCK OFF!" She commanded. Chloe just stood there not moving, until she heard Beca raise her voice louder. "I SAID FUCK OFF!" Chloe just nodded her head and left. '_**

"It wasn't until I was in my room, that I realised that I should have reassured her, should have told her, that I see her as Beca! That she is the same girl that I met in college. Instead I said nothing, letting her think that she was 'damage goods'." Chloe turned to Lily and asked. "What can I do now? She thinks she's damage goods? How can I make it right?"

"You need to talk to her, I don't think she even remembers last night! But, Chloe you can't go through this. It's like being in a domestic violence relationship. It has to stop!" Chloe did not listen to Lily and carried on. "I went back to her room later that night and I swear she was crying in her sleep." Lily tried again to get Chloe's attention. "Chloe!? Did you hear what I just said? This has to stop!"

Chloe looked back at Lily. "Please, don't say anything to her, and please don't tell Aubrey."

"Chloe…"

"Lily…I can handle this. She didn't mean it. Last night wasn't Beca, I should have stopped her from drinking so much. We both should've but choose to let her get on with it. Once she goes to seek help she be okay, everything will be back to normal."

Lily looked away, and Chloe took her hand into hers, Lily looked back at Chloe seeing her eyes pleading with her, to leave it. "Chloe I…"

"Please Lily, let me handle this. I promise you I won't let it happen again. Beca was just upset and drunk."

"Chloe! She keeps on hurting you, I can't just stand by and let it happen."

"I'm not asking you to, please just give her another chance you'll see it won't happen again."

Lily could do nothing, but made Chloe promise that if Beca even raises her voice at Chloe she will step in and will tell Aubrey. Chloe nodded. "Thank you."

Lily just nodded, knowing that not telling Aubrey what had happened might be a big mistake.

* * *

"Why do you think your _'no one'?"_ Jen asked Beca. "You going to think it's stupid."

"Beca, anything that you tell me is not stupid. Again, why do you think your _'no one'_?" Jen asked Beca once again. She watched as Beca got up and began to pace looking outside the window and hugging herself. "Because no one wants me, anymore… You know? Sexual…. Last night I thought my feelings would be returned. Fair enough I was drunk but I know what I wanted and she did not return those feelings back"

"Beca, you should not keep forcing yourself to find someone to have intercourse with. It will take time…" Before Jen could finish she saw Beca picking up her mug and throwing it against the opposite side of the wall. Beca's anger again taking over. "I'm sick and tired of people telling me to wait, to be patient. Apart from one of my friends, no else can understand what it feels like to have someone take something precious from you, robbing a part of yourself…"

Jen just sat back and let Beca's anger take control, she needed to get this out. She has been holding it in for far too long. "That German BITCH! Stole that from me! She FUCKING RAPED ME! And I can't do anything about it! She's fucking carrying on with her FUCKING LIFE! And, I'm still suffering with the consequences. How FUCKING FAIR IS THAT! She made me give her FUCKING head because she threatened to go after my friend if I didn't. The same friend that has feelings for me and yet when I want to have sex with her. She refused! Do you know how that made me fucking feel? I'M FUCKING DAMAGED! I'm sick and tired of this and I'm sick and tired of being…" Beca could feel all her bottle emotions coming out and feel the pool of tears again coming out, as she repeated herself. "…I'm sick and tired of being…"

"A victim?" Jen answered for her.

As the tears ran down and feeling a sudden sense of relief wash through her, even though she was shaking. Beca looked at Jen and nodded her head, feeling herself calming down as she spoke in almost a whisper.

"…Yeah… I'm sick and tired of being a victim!"

 **TBC... Please don't hate me!**


	22. No Longer A Victim

**Thanks for the review Kdubya! I know when you love the characters you want the best for them! Don't worry I have plans but be prepared for the rollercoaster ride! (Besides you don't want me to spoil anything, do you?) ;)**

 **To my other trustee reviewer RJRMovieFan! This chapter is for you! There will be a lot of up and downs between Beca and Chloe. Normally, I don't like to spoil or give anything away... But there will be happiness at the end of the tunnel, but you have to put up with all the dark and twisted things in between. Remember this kind of trauma doesn't go away with the click of the fingers! You will have your good days and you will have bad. Then one day it just gets easier and you think about it less and less! And you move on with your life! Hope this chapter is to your liking! :)**

 **Chapter 22 No Longer a Victim…**

Jen watched as Beca sat back down and saw the mess that she made on the wall and carpet. "I'm sorry, for the mess. I don't know what came over me." Jen smiled. "It's okay, I've seen worst."

"I am never like this. I have never felt this much anger before…" She run down her face with her hands to both wipe the tears and stress away.

Jen looked at her after giving her a moment for Beca to catch her breath, Jen leaned forward and clasped both of her hands as she spoke. "You're confused about your emotions?" Jen saw Beca nodding. "The reason why you are experiencing these emotions is because you're grieving."

"Grieving?" Beca questioned, Jen saw her puzzled looked. "But, no one died?" Jen smiled at her again as she explained. "A part of you did! You're grieving for something that was taken from you. You said it yourself, that she robbed you of your choice of whether or not you would follow through those feelings, you may or may not have had for her. She didn't give you that chance. Would you have caved in and kissed her or would it just be a fantasy? You will never know! And, she took that away from you. Did you realise that you said the word rape, out loud? You have recognised what had happened and you have the right to be pissed off at her…Hell you have the right to be pissed at the world."

Beca listened to Jen on what she was saying. Strangely feeling more at ease with the conversation, and feeling bold enough to ask questions. "So, what do I do? How can I get over this hatred for her? I want justice but truthfully I know that I won't get it."

"By doing what you're doing. Rebuilding your life. Become a better person that you can be, do things that you won't normally do! Find a new hobby…Create a new you. You told me that you got a good group of friends…"

Beca smiled as she remembered all the fun times she had being a Bella all the laughs and tears as she remanence her time in college with them. "…Yeah, that like my sisters."

"You don't have to tell them what happened to you but try and organise a reunion, spend time with them. Go and buy a punching bag to get rid of the anger. Do something! The worst thing you can ever do? Is to do nothing and fall into depression, you might never get out of it! Then she wins…" Jen was sure she saw Beca flinched, but couldn't be sure. She looked at the clock on the now coffee stained wall and sighed she wanted to carry on with the session now that Beca was more open to her. "Once again time is not on our side? Shall we make another appointment, say… Friday? You want morning or afternoon?"

"Afternoon. I have an appointment at the drug and alcohol unit in the morning." Beca smiled at Jen, who returned it and nodded her head in approval.

As Beca got up from the sofa she went towards the front door as she walked out Jen said something that would hopefully keep Beca to keep going forward. "Beca!"

Beca turned.

"You are no longer a victim but you are a savior! Always remember that!"

"I will…"

"I shall see you on Friday."

When the door was closed, Beca for the first time felt like a massive weight was lifted off her, she felt like she can breathe again and have a new lease for life, rethinking on where her future lies…She knows it's still in music but hopefully that will come back to her in time. Maybe a Bella reunion is what she needed to get out of this music flunk, the words that Jen had said replayed over her head. _'You are no longer a victim but you are a saviour.'_ Remembering everything that she had been through not just the pass six months or so, but with everything over the years.

For she is Beca FUCKING Mitchell!

Jen was right she was a saviour and with her friends slash her Bella 'sisters' and maybe one day she can include her dad along with her new family in her heart, she knows she will be just fine.

She smiled to herself she couldn't wait to update Chloe, seeing the smile on the red head's face as Beca updates her with her progress will make her day.

That smile dropped when she suddenly remembered who dropped her off and saw the look on Lily's face as she waited for her. "Fuck! Chloe…I hurt Chloe!"

 **TBC...**

 **TBC...**


	23. Guilt

**RJRMovieFan - Thanks for pointing my typo out, yes I did in fact meant "Survivor'**

 **Kdubya - Hopefully this chapter is to your liking**

 **Guest- Just 'thank you'**

 **Sorry this chapter took some time I had to make sure I got it right!**

 **Chapter 23 Guilt**

Seeing Lily's expression as she entered the car, she remembered what she had said to Lily, looking guilty, she stopped her as she was about to pull out. "I owe you an apology, for this morning. I was a bitch and was bang out of order for saying what I've said, y'know about... Well... I'm sorry."

"I know." Lily put the car into 'drive' and moved off. Beca broke the uncomfortable silence between them. "Did you see Chloe this morning?"

"Yes." The reply was short but Beca detect some anger in her voice. "What did I do to her?" Beca asked she knew she hurt Chloe but really couldn't remember what she did or say. "We can talk about it when we get back."

"Lily, please I need to know." Lily sighed, despite what Chloe said about not telling Beca, Lily needed to talk to her. Finding somewhere to park safely, she turned to face Beca and told her the truth. "You hit her…" Beca looked distraught upon hearing that, she was about to say something, but Lily cut her off. "…Answer me truthfully. How do you really feel about her?" Beca didn't expect that question and played dumb. "I don't know what you mean?"

"Don't Beca…Just don't! You know how she feels about you! What are your feelings towards her? You can't use people to your advantage." Beca lend back in her seat and looked out of the window. "I'm not...I...Just..." Beca stuttered, closing her eyes and trying to calm herself down as she gather her words. "...I honestly don't know, there are times when I feel my heart flutter, when I see her and I want to act on my impulsions. I mean last night we kissed and it just felt right."

"Then what happened?" Lily's demeanour changed as she saw Beca withdraw back to herself. "Beca?"

"I wanted more from her, more than just a kiss. And, it wasn't the alcohol, I knew what I was doing. She knew what she was doing. Then all of a sudden, she just stopped and I don't know! I guess I just got mad, it was the second time she stopped herself from going further with me. I felt rejected and she couldn't give me a straight answer why she stopped, herself." Beca can feel the all too common tear running down her cheek and she quickly wiped it off. "Do you want to be in a relationship, with her or do you want to use her for your own sexual needs?" Lily questioned, her.

"Really? How can you even ask me that?" Beca asked, being offended at the suggestion.

"It needs to be asked Beca! Your moods are unpredictable at the moment. If she was to go through with having sex with you, would you be rough with her? Like your one night stand?" Lily paused, giving Beca time to answer that question. Seeing Beca looking down and playing with the sleeve of her jacket before she replied back to her, in defence. "Why are you asking me this? You think I would intentionally hurt her?"

"You already have! And not just the once!" Lily snapped back at her and due to her frustration hit the steering wheel, forgetting it will make Beca flitch and she started to shake.

Beca then turned away and again looked outside her window not wanting to make any eye contact at that moment as she could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks, not being able to control the flow.

Lily took a deep breath herself and waited for Beca to compose herself before asking what was playing on her mind. "Look, Beca…I am sorry for snapping but this is Chloe we are talking about and not some random stranger."

"I know! Don't you think I know THAT!" Beca snapped back.

"I mean if she did follow through with her feelings, what would happen next? Want would you want from her? Would you want to be in a relationship with her or would you want her to fill a gap and then just toss her aside? It's just not your feelings at stake here, anymore!" Beca, still couldn't look Lily in the eye, and was looking everywhere instead of her, thinking how to answer the question. She took a few minutes silence before looking at Lily to give an honest answer. "Truthfully? I don't know."

Lily sighed and started the car back up again, to head back home and to try and have a proper chat with both Beca and Chloe. "I'm sorry Beca…" Lily sighed and again apologised. "You need to have a good long hard think about what you really want for yourself and, whether or not you want Chloe to be part of that. You can't go on like this."

Beca sighed and wiped the rest of her tears away, knowing that Lily had a point. "You know, what? I liked you more when you hardly spoke! Now it's like I can't switch you off." Lily just turned and gave Beca a smile.

* * *

As Beca and Lily entered the house, Chloe saw them enter and tried to go upstairs. "Chloe, WAIT!" Beca shouted out to her. Chloe turned and faced Beca, who just held her breath as she saw what she had done. "Oh, my god!" She let out as saw the bruise and the dried cut on her lip, that the lip stick tried to cover. She walked over to her and let her hand linger on her bruised cheek, Chloe cupped Beca's hand into hers and smiled. "I'm okay, don't worry about it."

"I hurt you. I shouldn't have done that! I don't know why I did! I'm so, so sorry. I…"

"Beca…like I said I'm fine. Don't worry about it."

"'Don't worry about it'?' Chloe! This is not the first time I hurt you! How can you be fine with this? How can you even forgive me for this? You should slap me back! Or at the very least shout at me!"

"I'm not going to do either of those things. You know that's not me. Besides, I know you didn't mean it, you are not yourself. And, you are getting help. Anyway; How did the counselling go?" Chloe asked wanting to change subject. Beca was taken aback on how calm Chloe was and took a while to answer her back "Yeah, it's getting easier to talk to her and I'm going back to see her after my appointment with the drug and alcohol unit, on Friday." Chloe smiled. "You are? That's good! You see? You can do it! Just stick with it!" Chloe went to give Beca a hug but instead rubbed her on her back before heading back upstairs. "Chloe…" Beca called after her. Chloe stopped and turned to face her. "I am sorry. I am really trying." Chloe just nodded and threw a brief smile before making her way back upstairs and into her room.

Beca turned to Lily. "What more can I do?" Lily sighed as she watched the interaction between the two. "A word of advice?"

"Please."

"Keep moving, keep yourself busy today. Don't think about it. Give her some time and this evening both you and Chloe sit down and talk about it. Talk about everything. What you want from her if anything."

"And if she still doesn't want to talk?" Lily again sighed. "You can't force her. Besides, it's just not Chloe that you had hurt…" Lily paused, as she looked at Beca's hand which has swollen and still had bruising on the knuckles. "…I guess you have a topic to talk about in your next session on Friday." Beca followed Lily's eyes and rubbed her hand. "Beca…I know it's hard to control your emotions especially the anger…It's not a quick fix. I'm sorry about what happened in the car. But, do you see now what I mean about Chloe?" Beca nodded her head and let Lily continued this time Lily was more sympathetic on how she spoke to Beca. "…I've been there! The anger takes over. Do you really want to know how long it took for me, to get passed that anger? A year and a half and even then, sometimes a particular word could trigger a memory of it."

"Trigger? What do you mean?" Beca questioned. She wanted more then, ever to return back to her normal self and any advice Lily can give her she will take it in. "Trigger means that a certain word, scent of aftershave or perfume or even an object used during an attack on you or if you witness something horrific; Can bring back those memories that you might have buried or repressed."

"Oh." Beca played with her hands. "I guess I really didn't think of that."

"That is something unfortunately you have to discover for yourself." Lily told Beca sadly. Beca got up and deciding that she needed some fresh air. "I need to go out. There's something that I need to do."

With no further words spoken between the two, Lily watched as she left.

* * *

Beca found herself standing outside the door that only a few days ago visited. Gathering on the courage she can muster she knocked, wincing at the pain to her knuckles.

When the door opened, she couldn't help but take a deep breath and a step back, staring back at her was hatred in the teenager's eyes. "James… It's for you…" Kelly, her step sister called out to Beca's father and left the door wide open and began to turn on her heels to head upstairs.

After finding her voice Beca called out after her. "Kelly, wait!" Kelly stopped and turned, crossing her arms over her chest and waited for Beca to speak. "About last time…I…" Beca got cut off when her baby brother suddenly ran out and kicked Beca in the shin. "Ow! You little… Son of a father!" Beca cried out as she hopped and rubbed the injured shin. Without thinking, she was about to grab him, Kelly was quicker and grabbed their brother first and held him to her chest, the little boy buried his head in the crook of her neck. Kelly then step in Beca's face and warned, well threaten. "You EVER! I mean EVER! Go near him or even lay a finger on him, you wouldn't know what hit you!" Little Lee quickly lifted his head and turned to Beca. "You're a bad person! You hurt my sista!" Then buried his head back into her neck. Beca suddenly felt her heart break as she heard those words from her half-brother, she saw the look of fear in the little boy's eyes, which snap her back to reality, she was about to say something, when she saw her father emerge.

"Beca!" Her father smiled but had to refrain himself from hugging her as he knew that she didn't like the body contact. "Everything okay, here?" As he looked between his daughter and step-daughter. "It's nothing dad…" When Kelly called James Mitchell _'dad'_ she couldn't hide the puzzled look and mouthed _'dad?_ ' to him. "Kelly, why don't you take Lee upstairs for a while, whilst I talk to Beca."

Kelly again was sent to her room and Beca again winched when she heard the young child shout out that he did not like the _'bad'_ girl.

Once they were out of sight Beca turned towards her father. "What was that about? A few minutes ago, she called out your name, then when you're here she just called you dad? When did that start to happen?" Beca couldn't help but feel jealous and anger towards her dad for letting a non-biological teenage girl calling ' _ **HER'**_ father, _'Dad'._

"I will explain everything to you in the kitchen." James sighed. Beca followed her father into the kitchen and decline when he offered her coffee. She just felt the anger burning inside her as she repeated herself about the ' _dad'_ issue. "So, talk!" Beca demanded an answer straight away. "Since when did she start to call you dad? She called you James before…I came here to actually apologise to you both and I actually believed the step-monster when she said I am part of this family!" Beca's anger was again starting to rage out of control as she turned on her father without giving him a chance to speak. "Beca if you calm down and let me explain I give you, your answers. But you will need to calm down first." Her dad calmly spoke, knowing he has to calm Beca down first before he can explain anything to her.

"Take a seat…" James offered. "I think I stand, just answer the damn question!" Beca again demanded. "Beca…" He began, thinking carefully the best way to word the answer. "It's not what you might think. I'm haven't replaced you! You are still my daughter! We just thought it was best in Lee's presence for Kelly to call me dad, instead of _'James'_ so not to confuse the boy. It wasn't a dig at you or to wind you up, if that's what you were thinking."

"Oh…I guess that does make sense." Beca said when she thought about it, Lee was after all his son. Still, it didn't make the hurt any less painful. After taking a few deep breaths she felt the anger inside her starting to fade and could feel herself taking a seat. "Beca…Shelia told me what happened between you and Kelly. She also told me what she told you before you left. I can reassure you that she meant it! Our door is always open to you, you will always be part of this family! Whatever you are going through, that for some reason you can't tell me. Just know this!" James with all his love and sincerity told his daughter. "…You are always going to be my daughter and I will always love you! No one can EVER! Replace you!"

Beca can feel her eyes welling up, she just couldn't understand how up and down her emotions are, she made a note to herself to talk to Jen about it, in her next session.

Looking at her father she asked him what was bothering her the most about her parent's divorce. "Then why didn't you fight for me? During the divorce…Why didn't you go to court to get full custody, of me?"

James sighed he knew this topic was going to come up sooner or later, so he took a deep breath and tried to think of the best way to explain to Beca the truth about her mother.

 **TBC...**

 **Hopefully the next chapter won't take to long...**


	24. Forgiveness

**Chapter 24 Forgiveness**

Before he spoke, James studied Beca taking in how much she had blossomed when she entered back into his life, he couldn't be much prouder of her. He knew Beca had bottled up a lot of things when she was in her teen years, instead of talking them through with him she just avoided him and hardly saw him, when he tried to make an effort with her, she would fob him off and said she was 'busy'. It was only at the middle of her freshman's year, after she got arrested and had arguments with Aubrey and Jesse she went to him for advice, that she found herself opening up to him a bit more.

He was thankful for being given that second chance with her, he didn't want to ruin this chance by slating the woman who gave him one of the most precious gifts in life.

He closed his eyes and would try to explain to her that her mother was not well.

"Beca…" He started off gently. "Your mum and I we loved each other, we met at college she was…is an amazing person…"

"Until she had me, right?" Beca cut him off. James gave her a puzzled look, he never once mentioned about how hard the pregnancy was for her mum. "It's okay dad, mum and I had an argument before I came to college. She told me everything… How I wasn't planned, how I wracked her life and yours…" Beca at this point started to choke back the tears. James couldn't hide his shock when she mentioned the last part, as that was further from the truth. But, he let her continue. "…Tell me the truth dad…" She broke off the tears she was desperately trying to hold in, filling up her eyes and again as she blinked they came running down her cheeks. "…Was I the real reason that you left?"

James could feel his own eyes filling up and without a second thought hugged Beca pulling her close to him, not missing how tense she became then relaxing herself as he spoke. "No, don't you ever, ever think that! You are the reason for me to live…You still are. You, Lee and even Kelly are the reasons for me breathing."

After hearing her father's reply Beca, found herself hugging him back, they both stayed in each other's arms for a while longer, before James broke the hug and explained. "Your mother, was not well during her pregnancy, it was bad. The labour was hard. I thought she would get better over time, when I saw that she didn't. I begged for her to get help, but she didn't, instead she sought help in the bottle. I did my best and I would worry about you being left with her when I was at work. When I decieded to leave I wanted to take you with me, I wanted to fight for you.

Then I saw how happy you were how you settle down and focus more on your work, you had a boyfriend that you loved and made you smile. To take you away from that happiness. I thought you would end up hating me, if I took you away from all of that. Besides you were a mummy's girl! You try your best to get her approval of everything that you do, she was the first person you would go to when you were hurt or wanted advice.

I didn't even meet Sheila until three months after I had left."

"You didn't? So, you weren't having an affair behind mum's back?" James shook his head. "No, we were arguing all of the time and you were caught in the middle of it all, for that I am sorry." Beca took everything her father had said in. Beca couldn't say anything. Her father looked at her and with a serious tone asked his own question that was bothering him since he left. "Beca, I want to know the truth! Did your mum ever hurt you?"

Beca looked at her father's eyes seeing all the love and concern that was held in them. After anything that she had put him through and finally understanding the real reason he left, she knew he still felt the guilt, of leaving her behind. She couldn't tell him the truth about the physical, verbal and emotional abuse she had to endure when she lived with her mum. So, she told him a white lie. "No, she was getting some help for her problems. She didn't hurt me. We just had arguments like any mother and daughter."

James knew she was lying, somehow a father just knows but decieded not to push it. Instead he smiled and gently said. "Come with me…I want to show you something…" Beca followed her father as he took her in the lounge, holding her breath as she entered. She saw the many photos of herself from childhood and there was a photo of her winning her first competition.

Her eyes then feel on the photo she sent as a postcard from Cophegen, a photo that showed the moment the Bella's won the world and was full of happiness, not realising a few minutes after that happy moment was captured, her memory was now tarnished with what happened next. James followed his daughter's eyes and thinking she was just taking aback, that she was in shock that he had so many pictures without realising the last one will be one of many triggers that will set Beca off remembering the worst night, of her life.

"You have never made it pass the kitchen, so you wouldn't have known…" Beca again got emotional and hugged her father which he gladly accepted. James kissed his daughter on top of her head and rubbed her back in comfort.

James took this moment in and carried on talking. "…When you were 17 and I got news that you were in hospital for a drug overdose…"

"Dad…Please…" Beca broke the hug, as she tried to cut him off not wanting to hear of her past mistakes.

"No, listen… I thought the worst and the worst did happen. I lost you for a few minutes…When they told me they managed to get your heart beating again. I was relived, I knew I can still keep on trying to get you to talk to me. When your friend Aubrey phoned. Again, I felt my heart stop. I wanted to drop everything and bring you back here, but I know after the phone call from LA you wouldn't want to see me…"

Beca looked down at the floor ashamed of how she acted towards her father, knowing that she kept him in the dark about what had happened to her. "Dad…I…"

"I know…" Her dad cut her off before gently smiling at her in reassure that in some way he understood. "She also told me that you had smashed all of your DJ equipment. She knew you will be mad at her for telling me, but don't be. She was worried about you and wanted to help…"

Beca couldn't listen to anymore, the more James explained the truth the more she realised how much she 'fucked up'. So, she cut him off. "I get it dad… I am trying my best to sort myself out, I'm staying with friends and getting advice so please don't worry about me. As for Aubrey, I'll talk to her soon." Beca couldn't help but looked at the photo of the Worlds, going pale at the thought of what happened next.

James caught her eye again and followed them to where she was looking, noticing how she was again staring at the latest photo. He took in how silent she was, at that photo. "Are you sure you are alright? Beca what's wrong? I don't want to force you to tell me everything, I just want to help you. Beca? Please?"

Beca shake herself out of the daze the guilt she still felt on how she treated her father in both the past and the phone call in LA had built up.

Beca lifted her head up and decieded to tell her father what happened. "I need to tell you something, that night when that photo was taken." James followed his daughter's eyes, again. "I…" Beca broke off ignoring the all too common feeling of tears, running down her cheek. "I was raped…" Beca had said it, had said it out loud. "…By a woman." She turned her head away not wanting to see the disgust on her father's face.

Instead she tensed up when she felt her father's hug and the wetness of his own tears as they dropped down her cheek. "Beca…"

She had to cut him off, if she let him carry on she will not find the strength again to talk about it. "I…did not know what to do, so I do what I always do best I ran away…I was in LA to forget everything and hopefully make something of myself…" Beca began to chew on her bottom lip, trying to fight back all of emotions that seemed to pour out, before she continued. "…Everything went… It just went wrong! It was too hard! My music suffered and I couldn't concentrate. I was in deep trouble…I… then you cut me off financial…I "

"You don't have to explain." He again looked into his daughter's eyes and saw a lost soul wanting to find her way back. He too, had to held back his own tears, knowing that his daughter needs him. This time he will be there for her, every step of the way. "Are you getting help?"

"Yeah, the girls are helping me out and I'm getting counselling."

"You got yourself some good friends there."

"Yeah they're the best. I just need some time to sort my head out still… I'm sorry…For the way I had treated you, over the years…The way I spoke to you on the phone in LA. Can you forgive me?" Beca asked nearly pleaded. Her father looked her in the eyes and replied. "I can't forgive you…Because you are my daughter there is nothing to forgive." Beca smiled.

"Do you need money? For getting new equipment?" Beca looked at her father knowing that he will always be there for her. "I think I will hold that off for now…"

"Do you want me to take the photo down?" He asked knowing that it had upset her. "I…" Beca did not know what she wants. The photo captured one of her best moments in her life, but it was knowing what happened afterwards. "I'm not ready to see that just yet."

"Okay…I take it down."

"Thank you."

She wanted to keep talking to her father wanting to make up for all that lost time, but she needed to move along to her second apology. "I need to apologise to Kelly…" Her dad nodded his head in understanding. "Okay…Wait here…" Beca waited as her father disappeared into the kitchen for only to return with a chocolate bar. "Give that to Lee, it's his favourite and tell him to come down…" He gave her the bar, she smiled as it used to be her favourite chocolate bar also when she was growing up. "You know, you can join us this Sunday for lunch to get to know him. To know us again…" Beca just nodded. "I think about it."

* * *

Beca started to head for Kelly's room taking a deep breath as she knocked on the door. "It's open…Look dad I know…" Kelly spoke before realising it was Beca, straight away Lee rushed up to her, before he could do or say anything Beca hold the chocolate bar and raised her hands in surrender. "Relax little dude I come in peace…here…Dad wants you." Lee looked at the bar, then at Kelly who nodded her head. Lee snatched the bar off her and said. "This does not mean I like you… I got my eye on you!" He gave Beca a look and point at his eyes then hers before running off.

"He is something, isn't he?" Beca tried to laugh it off. "Annoying but…He's a good kid, then again you will never know that. That kid is the only thing that connects us." Beca sighed knowing that this was going to be harder then she thought, she started to think if she was ever this bratty at fifthteen. "Kelly…I came to apologise to you for what I did…" She stopped as her eyes caught on the photo on her desk. It was a picture of her. Kelly followed her eyes and tried to come up with something. "That came with the frame! I like the frame."

Beca didn't say anything instead she picked the photo up, before putting it back down. Kelly sighed. "I'm sorry too, for what I said…You know about your mother. I always wanted a big sister and from what dad…I mean James told me about you well…Your dad is a good man. My dad died when I was young I barely have memories of him. You lucky to have him, he treats me and my mum well. I wish you had given us a chance."

"I know…It's okay you know? To call him dad too." Kelly smiled, Beca was about to leave when she notices her music collection and some music sheets. "You're studying music?..." seeing that some of her records were vintage and were in her own collection also. "…You have good taste."

"Thanks… I have to come up with an original song for class but it's harder then I thought it will be."

"Oh, I've been there! I can help you if you want." Kelly smiled any amosite that she felt towards Beca was slowly disappearing. "I would like that…" As Beca picked up the music sheet her eyes caught on a joint. "What's that?"

"Would you believe that I'm holding it for a friend?" Kelly smiled, before it dropped seeing how serious Beca's face was before she got defensive. "Before you start given me a lecture, don't you think that will be hypocrite of you."

"I'm not going to say anything; besides I don't have that right to preach to you."

"Well you are kinda my big sister, aren't you?" Beca smiled she never realised that and maybe this bratty teenager wanted what she wanted at that age someone to just listen. "If you want me to be? I guess we can start over again? Clean slate?" Beca held her hand out…

"I would love that." Kelly took the offered hand into her own and shook it.

After a few moments Beca decieded it was time to move on and went back downstairs, her father thanked her for opening up to him, his offer of spending Sunday lunch with them was still on offer.

As Beca left her dad's she looked back and saw all three of them watching her leave apart from Lee so still did not trust her, they smiled at her and she felt herself smiling back at them a genuine smile at them.

A weight has been lifted, she felt relieved that she told her father about the attack, knowing that he will be with her every step of the way to her recovery.

Perhaps being part of this family would not be so bad after all.

 **TBC...**

 **A nice father and daughter moment...**

 **Sorry for the wait... As always with my stories I have ideas for the beginning and how I want to end it, but linking the middle to them...AAAAH!**

 **I promise it will get there! :)**

 **You guys just have to wait that little bit longer for the Beca and Chloe talk...**


	25. The 'Talk'

**Chapter 25 The 'Talk'**

Beca was heading back to the house, where she stopped and remember what Lily had said about keeping herself busy. Knowing Chloe would be there, she still doesn't know what she wanted from her, or understand why she has this sudden desire in wanting to spend more time in her company.

She was confused on her feelings for the red head and why it hurt her so much every time Chloe rejected her advances. She doesn't even know why she suddenly felt this way towards Chloe, Even though, Chloe had been forward with her crush towards her since the first day they met. Beca never once returned the crush back or even talk to her about it, instead she just brushed it off with a smile and called her 'weird'.

Yet she was VERY vocal towards Kommissar who she barely knew and look what happened.

Lily was right though, when she asked her what would have happened if Chloe went through having sex with her? Would she treat Chloe like a one night stand and be rough with her like the unnamed woman from previous nights ago?

She sighed, for every hurdle that she manages to jump over there will be other another one waiting for her, to trip and fall.

Beca decieded to carry on walking towards the radio shack and try and get some work down in advance when Luke leaves for his trip to Thailand.

* * *

Luke was surprised to see her so soon as there was really nothing else to show her. Instead he just let her carry on with writing a playlist for the coming weeks.

"Did you come up with any more mixes?" He asked to make some sort of conversation. "I um…I don't have the equipment anymore." She told him without looking at him.

"Oh, how come?" Beca sighed. How can she tell him that she had a break down and smashed anything up? "I just want to have a break for now, besides I got a lot of demos that I can use." She replied without looking at him. "Okay, well… feel free to play them if there's nothing here you don't fancy."

At the mention of practically having free reign on what she can play, her eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Yeah…Look Beca you have a good ear and I was not joking when I said your mixes are good, I don't know why you stopped doing what you love! Maybe you can find that love back whilst you're here? Besides like I said there is some old equipment if you get bored and want to try mixing again."

"Yeah, I keep that in mind…" Both her and Luke carried on without another word spoken, leaving Beca again to think about what she wanted to do in the future with her music.

As time went by and she had an idea what she was going to play, she noticed how late it was getting and this time she really needed to head home, knowing how worried Lily and Chloe will be if she doesn't arrive before night.

* * *

Arriving at the front door she sighed as she doesn't have a clue on what to say to Chloe, she could say what she always said to her and that was 'sorry' but Chloe deserve to have more than that. Before entering the front door, she decieded to have a quick cigarette and try and come with a conversation so that neither of them will lose their temper. _'Better said than done.'_ Beca thought to herself.

She closed her eyes and put her head back hoping something will pop in her head on what to say, she thinks about the last six months after the incident happened, hitting CR and Emily, then up and leaving Burden for LA; How it was easy for her to have sex with a drug dealer and landlord for survival, no matter how much they had abused her and her body in return.

She knew the way she treated her one night stand with the unnamed woman was wrong, she didn't stop when the woman had hissed in pain when she bit too hard on her neck or when she digged her fingers hard into her opening. She also did not stop when the woman did the same thing to her. Telling the unnamed woman to dig deeper into her, to feel that pain or was it to release the pain? She did not know. But, what she did know is that she still remained to be the dominate one.

She did not do it for the enjoyment or pleasure! She did it for the pain and to cause pain, to take back the control over her body which had been abused for those six months and to see what it felt like to have that control over someone else.

If she was truthful to herself, she had enjoyed it! _'Maybe, because I was high.'_ She thought. But it always goes back to Lily's question, earlier on today. _"Do you want to be in a relationship with her? Or do you want to use her for you own sexual needs?"_

She did not give Lily an answer then and was even insulted when she asked her that question. But, she still couldn't answer it.

All she can remember about that night with the unnamed woman was that she was the one mostly in control, she was the one that took charge and she was the one that inflicted the most pain.

She had to admit she like having that control over someone else, she like feeling that power, she like giving orders for her own fulfilment, but even after all of that she still felt empty, she still felt something was missing.

What she felt when she kissed Chloe last night was passion and for a long time, felt herself getting wet for the right reason, willingly to let herself get lost in that moment, to let her guard down, for Chloe. But, still not understanding whether it was genuine feelings or her body trying to get over the trauma and gain back control.

She also thought of how mad she got when Jesse rejected her, telling her he was engaged that he basically moved on with his life. So, what did she go off and do? She went off with a random stranger, that first laid eyes on her, then got mad again when he stopped her. Again, that control on what she thought she wanted was taken out of her hands. Regardless whether or not it was a bad decision and she was steaming out of her skull but it was still her choice.

She let out the last puff of smoke before she extinguished the cigarette before facing Chloe for the dreaded chat.

She just couldn't answer why she gets so angry with Chloe each time she stops Beca from going further. Maybe Lily was right, she should have a long, hard think on what she wanted for herself and if she wanted Chloe to be a part of her future.

She looked at the door and sighed she might as well and get it over with.

* * *

As she entered the house, she noticed Chloe and Lily in the kitchen cooking, chatting among themselves. Hearing the door close, they both turned to her direction and placed a smile as she saw Beca. "You are just in time, I'm cooking some pasta if you want any? It will put some meat on your bones!" Chloe joked, but secretly hoping that Beca would eat something as she still looked too thin. This morning conversation seemed to be forgotten.

"Pasta is fine. If I remember correctly your pasta was to die for in college." Beca, putting her bag down and made her way to the kitchen. The silence was broken when the phone tone of LMFAO ' _Sexy and I know it'_ went off. Seeing Lily's smile, it seemed like Donald was the caller. She then disappeared in the living room to take the call.

"Someone's happy." Beca said as she watched Lily leaving the kitchen. "Good for her, Donald seems a nice guy." Chloe agreed.

"Yeah…He does. I'm happy for her. Guess there is light at the end of the tunnel." Beca smiled which dropped when both her eyes and Chloe's stared at each other. The sudden silence between them was now becoming a common thing, Beca even though, she did not want to. Found herself staring at the damage she caused on Chloe's face. Chloe could feel Beca's stare on her and tried to ignore it.

Chloe dished out her plate and gave her a glass of water. "Here."

"Thanks."

Chloe sat down to join her, after a few moments of silence Beca broke and spoke about what she did today. "So, I saw my dad today…"

"You guys didn't argue, did you?" Chloe asked hoping that Beca didn't let her temper get the best of her. "…No, it was nice. I also apologised to Kelly and dad asked me to join them this Sunday for lunch, you know, to get to know them, like really know them."

"That's a good start. I think you should, it will be a good way to reconnect."

"Yeah, well I said I think about it." Again, silence between the two as Chloe was eating away and Beca just playing with the pasta. "Pasta, not good?" Chloe asked as she saw Beca just playing with her food. "It's fine…I…um…I told my dad what happened."

The sound of the fork dropping on the plate echoed in the kitchen. "You did?" Chloe asked shocked. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good. He showed me some photos that he has of me in his living room. There was a photo of us winning the worlds, when I saw it, memories of what happened afterwards came flooding back. So, I told him what happened and said how hard I found it in LA, of course without going into too much details. He gave me a hug and asked if there was everything that he could do. He took the photo down, when I told him I could not look at it just yet."

Chloe then realised that there are photos of their win around the living room, Beca was spending most of her time in her bedroom whenever she was at home; so, it did not occur to her and Aubrey that the photo could bring some bad memories. "Do you want me to take them down?"

"No, it's okay! I just have to learn to live with it. Besides, Aubrey would ask why you have taken it down."

"Speaking of Aubrey…" Chloe looked down at her pasta and carried on eating, she did not know how Beca will take the current news, about the girls re-join for one last acapella concert.

Before Beca came in the kitchen both she and Lily were discussing about a recent e-mail they both got from Emily about an upcoming acapella event for charity and because the Bellas are the world champions it was decided it will take place in Burden. More details were to follow in a few days.

"How is she?" Beca asked. "She's doing okay, she sounded relaxed."

"Aubrey, relaxed? Never thought I hear those two words in the same sentence." It felt like a long time that both of them looked at each other without feeling awkward and smiled.

Chloe thought carefully on how she was going to say the next bit. "Aubrey will be back here this weekend. She wants a word with us…"

"About what?"

"About an upcoming acapella event for charity." Chloe watched Beca as she still played with the pasta. "Oh…"

"Do you fancy it?" Chloe deep down hoped Beca will say yes but knowing that it might still be too soon for her to even think about it. "You don't have to answer now, but at least think about it?" Beca just nodded and finally managed to force herself to take her first bite of pasta.

Silence was broken once again when Lily skipped back into the kitchen. "How's Donald?" Chloe smiled at her, Lily did not need to say anything as her smile said more than enough, hearing a car beeped from outside Lily dashed out of the door.

"Seems someone will be having fun tonight." Beca smiled. Chloe nodded her head in agreement and went back to eating without saying anything much.

Beca sighed and decieded to bite the bullet and get to the bottom of where both of them stand when it came to their 'feelings' waiting for the right moment to approach the subject.

Once they were finish Beca couldn't stand the small talk she wanted to get to the bottom of this; once and for all.

"Chloe, we need to talk."

"If it is about last night it's forgotten I told you not to worry about it."

"It's not just about what happen, last night! It's about what didn't happen! I know you felt what I did, by the kiss! Don't patronise me and say it was the alcohol, I know you didn't drink that much."

"You wouldn't let me go, I told you, to let me go, I tried to break away from your hold, I couldn't."

"I know, but you DID! Kiss me back! your hands were exploring my body and you didn't object when I suggested carrying on to the bedroom…"

"What's your point Beca?" Chloe sighed in frustration she did not what to have this talk right now, she knew what she was getting herself into. Despite Aubrey's warnings she wanted to support every step of the way with Beca. Despite how much she got hurt along the way.

"I know you wanted more than a kiss as much as I do. What I can't understand why you stopped? You still haven't given me a decent answer."

Chloe sighed, she knows that there was truth in Beca's words, that she did felt the passion in their kiss and wanted to take it further. But, Beca's mental health takes priority then her feelings and she should have fought harder against her. But her heart wants what it wants and it was beating for Beca at that moment. Even in this moment Chloe could feel her heart beating faster in her chest.

Chloe just shook her head, she did not want to discuss this further, if Beca was to push it further Chloe might ending up snapping at her and that's the last thing she wanted.

"Can we talk about it tomorrow? Please? It's getting late and I have a busy day tomorrow." Chloe pleaded.

Beca felt her temper raise as SHE needed to talk about this, as she doesn't want another issue to build up. "Damn it Chloe!" She threw her fork down hard on her plate that it bounced off the empty plate before dropping onto the floor. "We need to talk about this! I NEED! To TALK about THIS!" Beca than stood up and slammed her hand down hard on the table to express her point.

Chloe could also feel her temper rise as she knows her feelings for Beca are genuine and not just a crush. But she did not want to be forced, not like this, not when she was trying hard to control her own temper that was building up. She just needed Beca to heal first and then to sort her own feelings out.

"Beca please? Not tonight!" Chloe again plead, she had always try to keep her temper control, has always been passive. She did not want to argue with Beca and to reveal her real fear on why she stopped herself from taking it further. But, hearing Beca's voice going on and on and seeing how angry Beca was getting, she can feel herself break.

Chloe snapped.

"You want to know, why I stop when I did?"

"Well I wouldn't be standing here having this argument with you, if I didn't!" Beca raised her voice higher, not noticing her hands clutching to fists, which did not go amiss with Chloe.

"Fine! I shall tell you! Remember I did not want this! I did not want to tell you this way. I wanted us when you were well, to sit down properly and talk calmly. Not like this!

Remember that first night? When you try to kiss me? When I said no you stormed off and returned home with another woman?" Beca let her carry on, her anger lessening. "…Did you forget that my room is next to yours?"

Beca was no longer angry and was slowly becoming ashamed of her behaviour that night. "I heard you. It was not pleasant! Was that what you wanted to do to me? To hurt me? And, for me to hurt you, in return? Like I told you! I am not that person! I know for a fact that it's not me! But, seeing how you are and what you been though it has me wondering if all of this is now you?"

"I know I had physically hurt you twice and I am sorry...I..." Beca saw Chloe's head turned aside, she still did not tell Beca that she slapped her when she tried to comfort her during one of her nightmares. "Chloe? How many times did I hurt you?"

"That does not matter! I can handle that!" Chloe gave a look at Beca to make it clear she did not want to talk about it.

"Are you scared of me?"

"No…" Chloe lied and Beca knew it. "I'm not scared of you…I just...I just don't want to get hurt, emotionally. I don't want to be some one night stand. I care a lot about you and I meant what I said about helping you through this! That will never change. I have feelings for you and that will never change! For now, I will give you space to figure yourself out and help you anyway I can."

Without replying back, Beca instead looked at the kitchen clock and realise how late it was and changed the subject. "I think you're right! It's getting late we should both go to sleep." Chloe sighed, as she saw Beca's look defeated. "See you in the morning." Beca said as she pushed passed Chloe and headed for the stairs.

Chloe watched Beca go upstairs and took a minute to calm herself down before following.

* * *

As Beca was getting ready for bed, she knows that Chloe would at least for tonight leave her be.

Soon as her head hit the pillow she didn't realise how exhausted she was; the lack of sleep catching up with her.

Her eyes were heavy and she drifted off to sleep...

 **She looked at her surroundings and sighed knowing that she was not alone. "What are doing here? Haven't you done with tormenting me? You got what you wanted, please leave me alone."**

 **"You know I'm not physically, here right? Like I said I be in here the most." She pointed to Beca's head. "What you do when you fall asleep is down to you. You can have dreams about rainbows and ponies, but you chose to dream about me. I'm flatted."**

 **"Believe me, this is no dream." Kommissar lit up a cigarette and even offered Beca one, which she took. Neither of them spoke. Beca was just closing her eyes and just hoping she would go away.**

 **When she opened her eyes, she realises that she was now lying naked on a bed, with Kommissar on top of her. "Why can't I move?"**

 **"You are in a deep sleep; your mind is still active but your body has shut down so it can rest. You not been sleeping that well... Which means..." Her hands are now creasing Beca's body, on her breasts kneading them, placing her mouth on one of the nipple then the other. "Please don't…No…" Beca again begging for her to stop. "There is nothing you can do. Your greatest fear now is not me…but becoming like me…Like with your one night stand…Tell me… " Kommissar paused briefly before letting her tongue run down Beca's naked smooth stomach. "Did you like it? Did you like being the dominate one and driving hard into her?" Kommissar ended as she pushed hard and deep into Beca's opening hitting her clit with her thumb, Beca let out a hiss before the moan of pleasure.**

 **Kommissar for the moment stopped on what she was doing as her face changed into Beca's...**

"Shit!" Beca felt like saying it out loud, but her lips did not move, her eyes wanting to pop open to wake herself out of this nightmare, but she found herself that she couldn't. She couldn't move a muscle. She was trying hard to wake herself up and moving at least an arm or something.

Through the exhaustion of many sleepless nights her body was in sleep paralysis and needed a few seconds for her to wake herself back up.

What seemed like forever she managed to rouse herself up. Blinking a number of times and looking at the nearby clock. She thought she slept the night away but realised that she only slept for two hours. She couldn't go on like this and she did not want to experience another episode, as she felt so vulnerable to not move a muscle, lying there in the open and not being able to defend yourself.

Sudden pain in her ribs course through her, slowly putting her arm round herself to help ease it, taking a few breaths trying to calm herself down and trying to relax.

Once she felt herself being able to move again, she took another deep breath and she got out of bed and decieded to go downstairs to get herself a glass of water.

* * *

Still out of sorts she knocked into a chair and Chloe's purse fell onto the floor, all the contents inside the purse spilled out. She bent down to collect up the items and notice that her pain killers were still there. Reading the label that it causes drowsiness she pocketed a few.

Chloe after hearing the noise asked if everything was okay. After the little _'talk'_ they both had, Beca did not want to face her and told her to go back to bed as she was just getting a glass of water. Chloe just nodded and went back to her room.

Beca took the tablets and went back upstairs, closing her eyes and hoping to get a decent night's sleep without the nightmares.

She can feel herself going back into a deep sleep.

 **TBC...**

 **Kdubya and RJRMovieFan - Thanks for your reviews and I'm glad you are still enjoying it. Apologies that it has taken long to put this chapter up! So many times it had to be re-read, going back and forth to previous chapters...**

 **Hopefully next chapter will not take as long! :)**


	26. No Turning Back Now

**Yes it has been awhile... Hopefully you guys enjoy this chapter!**

 **Leapyearbaby29- Really? Wow! You are full of questions, aren't you? :) but I try and answer your questions in one! (Taking a deep breath...)**

 **Read Building Up The Wall it will give some background on Beca's past... Lily in the films hardly talks, so I make her talk quite a lot.**

 **Yes you are right on why Beca punched CR, it was to do with PTSD**

 **Chloe knew what happened because Lily told her and Lily knew because she went through the same thing, but different situation.**

 **Chloe screamed because she could fight Beca before her grip became too tight!**

 **Lily got abducted by aliens!**

 **Denise is god!**

 **Fitting is like having a seizure**

 **Kelly knew Beca was taking drugs because teenagers know everything**

 **Hope you guys -enjoy this chapter!**

 **Warning in this chapter I'm back to my dark side!**

* * *

 **Chapter 26 No Turning Back Now!**

Beca yawned and stretched herself awake, for once she had a good sleep without having further nightmares. True, the tablets had helped and she told herself that it will only be temporary until she finds an alternative way of having a more natural sleep.

She looked at the clock on her bedside table and realise it was early afternoon she cursed and got up to take a shower.

* * *

Switching the shower on, she closed her eyes as she felt the hot water hit her skin. Leathering the soap, she let her hand venture downwards, masturbation in the shower was nothing new to her, it wasn't only men that have urges and needed the release.

She had worked herself up but spent a good five minutes trying to bring that release out, but…nothing. There was nothing there, she knows that her body had changed when she got raped by Kommissar and then instead of having a break, letting herself heal and get some rest, she goes and offers her body freely up to men who abused her, taking advantage of her emotional state and desperation, for survival.

To get herself in the mood she needed the drugs, needed the alcohol, even then she still had to find the strength to block out what she was doing, that was why she could have sex with the unnamed woman. But, with Chloe it was natural yeah, she drank but she didn't need that much and she didn't need to force herself or block anything out.

It was on her terms and she felt safe with her… She truly felt loved!

That was why it hurt her so much when Chloe stopped when she did and that was why she was angry towards her.

She kept on trying to get herself off, reaching down to flick the bean, but nothing, she put her forehead on the tiles trying not to cry in frustration.

She knew that she was still not okay. Crying and stressing out for what she had lost would not bring it back.

* * *

After having her moment, she got out of the shower and started to get dressed she headed downstairs to grab something to eat. Making her way down she spotted Chloe sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee by her side and in deep thought as she was focusing on her laptop and didn't her footsteps, which made Chloe jump when she greeted her.

"God, Beca you made me jump." Chloe greeted her back placing her hand on her chest. "Sorry." Beca apologised as she sat by her. "Is that the time already?" Chloe stated as she looked at the kitchen clock, then back at her laptop. "What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to do some research on how to make music easy for the hard of hearing, as I have a couple of pupils in my class that are interested in music something to do with the vibrations of the sounds. Then hopefully come up with a solution to make it enjoyable for them so they wouldn't feel out of place. I mean after all, Beethoven coped and Evelyn Glennie who plays percussion. I'm also hoping if it's a success then I can get a full-time position."

Beca was impressed with Chloe's plan and realise how focus she was. "You should have woken me up." Chloe turned to face her and smiled. "I did try, I even got a mirror to see if you were still breathing…" Chloe smiled again. "…but you were so peaceful and you needed the sleep so I left you to it. You look better, more yourself but happier."

"Thanks…I think!" Beca smiled back again. "…For once I slept better then in the past months." Beca replied knowing that the medication she took without Chloe's knowledge played their part. "So, what's the plan for tonight?" Beca changed the subject.

Chloe looked back to her laptop and carried on talking. "Stacey, invited us over for dinner…If you are up for it, that is." Knowing that Beca would hesitate she quickly carried on. "Don't worry Aubrey won't be there, she's gone to her parents for the night."

"I wasn't worried it's just…I haven't spoken to Stacey really since I've been back. I don't know what I say to her."

"It will be fine and a chance to reconnect with her and you won't be here on your own."

"It's not just that it's…" Beca cut herself off as she stared at Chole's face. The bruise on her cheek had faded to that yellowish green healing process that she can cover up a bit better but the cut on her lip was still noticeable.

"I know what you're thinking but I'm okay… we're okay, it won't be an issue if we don't make it one…" Chloe broke Beca off before she could say anything else. "If she asks I will think of something." Beca just nodded and changed the topic back on Chloe's work. "Do you need a hand?"

"You MUST be bored."

"I need something to do if I decide to do the charity event."

"You going to think about it?" Chloe replied in both surprise and happiness. "Yeah Hopefully with meeting the girls again I can get that love for music back. Besides it will give me a chance to properly apologise to Legacy" Chloe smiled at her, starting to feel that the 'old Beca' has return, as she pulled up a chair for Beca to sit by her as she discussed about her research so far.

* * *

As the evening drew closer they got ready to head to Stacy's, minus Lily who was out again with Donald.

They knocked on the door and Stacey greeting them both, after inviting them both in, she frowns at the sight of Chloe in the light. Stacy could make out the fading bruise and of course the cut on her lip, seeing how Beca looked away and excusing herself to go smoke outside, she knew who the culprit was.

Stacey turned to face Chloe. "I guess by the way Beca turned away and going for a smoke, she is responsible for those!" Stacey pointed at Chloe's face. Chloe sighed, as Beca sudden actions did not hide what was the truth. "It was in the heat of the moment and looks worse then what it is." Stacy sighed not convinced.

"It's not me you have to justify it to."

"Like I said it was in the heat of the moment. She's starting to be back to her old self, so can you please drop it."

"It's not me you have to convince it to." Stacy said in a tone that Chloe knew what she meant.

"How is she?" Chloe asked changing the subject.

"She misses you and as always try to keep herself busy, hopefully she's in a good mood when she comes back from her parents, else you know who she will take it out on…Especially if she sees that bruise and cut."

"You leave Bree to me…She is trying…" Referring back to Beca. "…she's getting help. So, can we please drop it." Stacy even though she is worried, raised her hands to signal change of topic. "Thank you. So, what have you got planned for tonight?"

"Well I thought after the dinner we can go clubbing, I texted Lily and she and Donald will meet us there."

"Sounds good…We could use a night out." Chloe smiled.

Hearing the front door closed, they turn to face Beca, who didn't make any eye contact with Stacy, Chloe nudged her to talk to Beca as normal, Stacy took the hint. "So Beca… what you say? After dinner we go clubbing, let our hair down?"

Beca made eye contact with Stacy and to their surprise she agreed. "Sure."

The evening was filled with small chat throughout dinner both Chloe and Stacy excitingly talking about the upcoming charity event. "Do you have any further information? I mean would it just be us or will there be others?"

"As from what Emily put on the e-mail they thinking of having an acapella legends theme, so I'm thinking the best acapella groups or tribute acts from the decades."

"Sounds like a fun event."

After dinner, all three Bellas got ready for the night out … Little did any of them know it wouldn't be the night that they were hoping for.

* * *

In the club Beca stuck to her promise and stick with soft drinks, Chloe and Stacey at first joined her, but Beca told them to not be afraid of drinking in front of her as she is fine with them drinking. They saw Lily and Donald entering the club and called them over.

Hearing and seeing the good atmosphere in the club Beca was starting to enjoy herself and not feeling too claustrophobic, letting her hair down, dancing with Stacey, Lily and Donald she almost forgot the past six months…

Until…

She turned and saw Chloe harmlessly flirting with an old flame… Tom…

Beca could feel both jealousy and anger coming back. She couldn't understand it as both Chloe and herself still needed to have a proper chat on what kind of relantionship they should have, Chloe was free and single to be with whoever she wanted to be with and do anything she wanted to do.

After watching them for some time and seeing Stacey moving herself into dancing but of course distance herself from too much contact and turning to see Lily and Donald dancing which was close to being given a '18' rating.

Despite her promise and seeing them having fun Beca was able to have a sneaky drink or two in hopes she can push out Chloe's and Tom's flirting with each other.

Beca's can feel her temper rising as she saw how Chloe and Tom were with each other the grinding, smiling, laughing and the touching, she orders herself other drink which she quickly finished off.

The final straw was when she saw Chloe threw her head back and laughed then wrapping one arm on his neck and putting her head on his shoulder. She had seen enough that made her think Chloe was toying with her emotions and wanted to leave before she would do something that she might regret.

Going up to Chloe she forced her best smile on and tap her on the shoulder. "Beca! You remember Tom?" Tom smiled. "Hey, I remember you…You the girl with the voice." Beca just gave him a tight smile and a nod, before facing back to Chloe. "Listen…I'm going to head back to yours…I've an early start tomorrow… y'know with appointments…" Chloe stopped dancing and paid a bit more attention to her, taken in her sudden change in mood. "Are you okay? Do you want me to come back with you?" Beca's mood darken and couldn't keep the bitchyness out of her voice, but lucky for her as the music was playing so loud, Chloe didn't pick up on her tone. "No, it's okay. You just go ahead and enjoy yourself… I won't wait up." Before Chloe could say anything Beca turned on her heels and left.

* * *

As Beca was quickly making her towards the exit and trying not to bump into everyone as if she did, she knew she would lash out on someone.

She suddenly felt her hand, being grabbed by someone, feeling the sudden contact, she froze as her survival instincts were about to kick in and she was about to lash out when she saw who the hand belongs to.

"Easy tiger, it's me remember? From a few nights, ago?" Beca tried to remember. "…you know the amazing fuck!" Beca recognise the arrogance in her voice remember all too well that night. "Yeah I remember the lady with no name."

"You are not leaving now are you? The club is just kicking off." Beca not really wanting to stick around more then she had to, told her the same thing that she told Chloe about having an early night due to appointments. Which, was true she had arrange an appointment with the drug and alcohol group then after that it was straight to her counselling session with Jen.

"You're not going home on your own?"

"Well I didn't want to ruin my friends' fun…" The unknown woman followed Beca's eyes and noticed that she was looking at one of her friends in particular-the red head, bumping and grinding with a guy and knew why Beca would feel jealous. "Listen how about I go with you? It's not like we are strangers, now is it? Better me then a random, right?"

Beca knew it was best for her to go straight home by herself, but as she saw her friends enjoying themselves, especially Chloe as she laughed and bumped her hips, hugging Tom, watching her whispering something in his ear, she felt anger and it needed to be release.

Beca remembered how lust filled their night was she agreed.

Taking a taxi to Chloe's, Beca told the unknown woman to wait for her she needed to get the pills out of Chloe's purse that she knew Chloe wouldn't take out with her. Beca had seized that moment to take the entire bottle figuring Chloe had forgotten all about it due to everything happening and Beca not asking for them.

She pocketed the bottle after taken a couple, hoping to numb the pain and calm her down.

* * *

Heading towards the bedroom, the sight before her took her breath away as memories of that night came flooding back and remembered how she secretly enjoyed it.

"Someone is over dressed…"

Beca took the hint and began stripping, the unknown woman looking at her up and down. When she called Beca over she made her sit down on the bed and gently pushed her back ending her being on top of the petite brunette. As the unknown woman started to lick and caressed Beca naked flesh, her hand trailed down to her desired target, she could see Beca wanting to be aroused but struggling and turning her head in shame, remembering this morning in the shower as she can no longer get that arousal.

She was ashamed that no matter how turned on she got, she couldn't get wet for them.

The only time she felt properly aroused was that night when she and Chloe had that kiss and maybe that's why she's was angry as it was the first time since everything that had happened to her over the six months she knew it wasn't forced and she could relax but then Chloe put a stop to it and her anger and frustration returned.

"Hey…What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry…I…I" Beca stuttered not knowing what to say without revelling to a stranger about what happened. Instead of hearing Beca apologises the woman put her index finger on her lips and gently shushed her in reassurance. "Hey…hey…hey it's okay… it happens. Besides I've got something that will help you out." The woman replied with a devious smile and a wink to match.

The woman took out a small bottle with white powder and began to tip it over Beca's breasts across the nipples, putting a small trail on her abdomen then a small trace above her pussy. "Yeah, you don't want this stuff inside you, it numbs it like shit." The woman smiled, as she gently in the beginning move her left hand around Beca's flat stomach, loving the feel of her muscles tensing. "Just relax and let yourself go." She whispered gently into her ear as she continued to rub her stomach and moving her hand to explore her body.

Beca felt her heart race, by the woman's soft touch it scared yet excited her as watched the woman's hand painfully slowly head towards where she needed it most.

She hitched in a breath when the woman parted the glistening 'lips' exposing the little pink pebble. It was torture but could feel her arousal starting to pick up.

Closing her eyes, she let the woman carrying on licking her, starting from her abdomen, then capturing her nipple, gently biting and licking on the nipple, whilst her hand went to the left breast rubbing the coke around her breast smearing the power over it.

Beca then bit her bottom lip as she felt her tongue drifting further down to where it was needed the most and the tingle was powerful, that with her feather like tongue Beca could've come right there and then. But, she wanted that tongue fully inside her, wanting that tongue to fill her up and to take all of her woman hood in.

The woman turned them over having Beca on top. "Your turn." The woman sprinkled the remaining coke over the same parts of her own naked body as she did with Beca. Beca hesitated as the thought of the trip to the hospital plagued her mind, the tablets were one thing but after her last experience she was wary, even though the temptation was there, she knew once she took in that white gold she won't be able to come back from it not this time. "You don't need to do that with me…I…"

"Try it… You will love it and feel the sensation of it." Beca couldn't deny that the drug placed on her own body was hot and couldn't even describe the sensation she felt. It felt good and made her body release the frustration she felt building up.

Beca watched with hunger, how the woman's body reacted before Beca could even make the faintest touch on the naked skin.

Beca did the same thing as the woman did to her, stroking her abdomen, then the breast. But unlike the woman, Beca's touches had suddenly turned rougher, she was more aggressive with her biting and more forceful with her tongue, licking and sucking up all the white powder, wanting more and not wanting to waste a single speck of it.

As she went down, she started to lick and suck her off, draining the woman's juice into her mouth not wanting to let go, biting the clit hard and again drinking the liquid that was flowing freely.

Then the woman said the unthinkable, that Beca had to stop want she was doing to hear it again. "What?"

"I said hit me, smack me in the face."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because I see that you need to get your anger out, the way you got jealous of the red head, you want to be with her, you want to be held by her… and I have a high sex drive, I need this." She stopped as she saw something in Beca's eyes and realised what Beca felt towards the red head. "You're in love with her? Aren't you? That's why you left the club! You want her arms around you and not that guy's" Beca stopped what she was doing and could feel the anger creeping out. "You don't know me! Or how I feel." She snapped.

Knowing that she was right and she got the reaction she wanted the woman used this to her advantage and started to rile Beca so that she would hit her.

"You are pathetic, look at you… You couldn't get wet without any help…You're useless. A fucking waste of space…" The words did its job to hurt her but not enough to get the reaction she wanted, "I know why the redhead was dancing with someone besides you she didn't want you, and why would she? You are a fucking useless bitch, I bet at this moment now she's fucking that guy, calling out his name…Screaming it out…Begging him to go faster and harder into her…" That was it! The woman's face went to one side and she felt it again…she felt it a couple more times before the last one was so hard she saw stars and making her give out the loudest moan that she sure the neighbourhood had heard her.

Unfortunately, it wasn't just the neighbours that heard the woman scream out.

 **TBC**


	27. Telling Stacy

**RJRMovieFan - Believe me I feel your pain...But like I said before there's no quick fix on what Beca's going through. (believe me!) There be days where it's good and you think you can move on but there are also days where you can take two steps back and want to shut out the rest of the world.**

 **But rest assured the ending will be worth it! You just have to put up with the angsty and drama stuff in between! :)**

 **Chapter 27 Telling Stacy**

It was morning, well late in the morning. Beca stretched out and open her eyes, seeing the naked woman beside her who too had just woken up. "Hi"

"Hi" Beca took in the woman's face, her had went to stroke her cheek where she had slapped her, but surprised that there was no bruise, not even a mark. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have hit you."

The woman gently captures her hand into hers. "There's no need to apologise. As I did ask you to hit me. I do not bruise that easy."

"Yeah…But still…" Beca tried to turn away, but the other woman gently held her chin and made Beca look at her. "Listen to me…You are not the first person that I ask you to hit me and you won't be the last…" She had now Beca's full attention. "You see I'm into BDSM, like I told you last night I have a high sex drive so I need certain things doing to me to get me off." The woman saw how uncomfortable Beca had become. "You have a talent for it! Something tells me you have a lot of anger building up! You can be my dom…" Even Beca did not know much about the kinky side of sex thrills but she knew what the woman meant.

"I can't be that, I'm sorry it was just a one-off thing."

"I understand. Was it something to do with the redhead?" She stopped as she saw Beca looking at her to tell her to drop the subject. "Sorry, I drop it…Anyway thanks for last night I best be shooting off."

"Do you have to?" Beca asked surprising herself as well as the woman. "I mean we could stay in bed all day today."

The woman raised her eyebrow in surprise. "Haven't you got appointments that you have to attend to today?"

Beca mentally kicked herself if it wasn't for her seeing how Chloe was with 'Tom' then she would enjoy herself and the night would have been different and she would have gone to the appointment for the drug and alcohol and then there was her next session with Jen in the afternoon that she knew she won't attend.

Beca bit her lower lip and pushed it at the back of her mind. "It's nothing that I can't reschedule."

"Okay, I guess another hour or so won't hurt." The woman smiled back at Beca and wriggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Beca trailed stroke the woman's cheek before letting it trail down her neck, cupping her left breast and letting her thumb rub her nipple. Biting her lower lip as she straddles on top of the other woman, kissing her gently to begin with it was only when the other force her tongue down Beca's throat that Beca put more force into her kiss and now using both hands on her breasts, rubbing and pulling on her nipples to make her moan in satisfaction. "Please…" The woman begged as Beca had now broke away from the kiss and let her tongue run down on her neck, gently sucking on the skin before heading towards the valley between the hills.

As Beca heard the woman hissed, Beca stopped to whisper briefly in her ear. "Are you wet for me?" The woman nodded, which made Beca twisted on her nipple in anger. "Answer the fucking question! Are you wet for me!?"

"YES!" The woman screamed out. "Do you want my tongue inside you?"

"God, yes!"

"Then beg for it! Beg like the fucking slut that you are! I want to fucking hear you beg, hear your plea for my touch." Beca again twisted the nipple hard as the woman's back arched in pleasure. "Please, I want you to fuck me with your tongue and make me cum."

Beca smiled, maybe this is what she needed to release her anger out.

May be becoming the dominate one wasn't such a bad idea after all and knowing the woman beneath her can handle pain then maybe, just maybe she can finally move on and not snap at anyone that she cares about no more.

Beca's tongue run down all over the woman's body, torturing the woman as her needs were further down south.

Beca smiled, oh yes, she was definitely beginning to like this.

* * *

Downstairs in the kitchen three Bellas were sitting down and trying to block out the sound that was heard coming from upstairs. "Oh my god! It bad enough that we had to listen to that at night! But now in the morning. I need more coffee. I'm shattered." Stacy moaned, she wasn't going to stay the night but seeing as she would have been home alone Chloe insisted to stay with them until Aubrey returns.

Hearing the screaming again, Stacy put her mug of coffee down. "Really!? Do you have ear plugs…What I would give to be deaf right now! How long can this go on?" Stacy looked over towards Chloe who had bags underneath her eyes and had not spoken a word since last night when they first heard the screams, watching her as her eyes were glued to the stairs.

"Chloe are you okay?"

"Hmmm?" Chole broke out of her thoughts when she saw Stacy's hand waving in front of her face. "Sorry, what were you saying?" Stacy looked over to Lily who looked as worried as she did on how Chloe was being. "Nothing, never mind." Chloe nodded and return her focus on the stairs waiting to see who Beca would come down the stairs with.

After the woman coming down from her high she gave Beca a kiss on the lips, before getting off the bed and asking if she can use the shower, whilst asking Beca if she wanted to join her, Beca didn't hesitate.

The kitchen was quiet, each to their own thoughts when they heard laughing and saw Beca coming downstairs to Chole's surprise with the same woman as before.

"Morning, didn't know we will have a full house. Hope I didn't make too much noise." She smiled knowing that it wound wind Chloe up. "It's 10.30! Didn't you have an appointment to go to?"

"I'm not going; besides I can always rearrange it!"

"What about…"

"It's nothing I can't reschedule…"

"But…" Chloe started to say something before Beca cut her off. "Chloe for once just give me room to breathe. It's just for one day for fuck sake!"

Chloe flinched at Beca's tone detecting a hint of anger that she knew not to push her any further. Chloe changed her attention to the woman next to Beca noticing that they were holding hands. Trying not to let the scene in front of her upset her. "Hello again."

"Hi!"

"So…" Chloe's attention was back to Beca. "Will this be a common thing? Are you two an item?"

"I don't think that's anything of your business, is it?" Beca snapped, the jealously from last night returned. Seeing the shock look on all three faces she took a deep breath before sighing as she replied. "If you must know, you have your fuck buddy and I got mine."

Chloe taken a back as she had no idea why Beca was being so harsh towards her. "So…does your 'fuck' buddy have a name or didn't you have time to ask for it." Before Beca could reply, the woman focuses on Stacy who turned away when she saw the woman look at her way. "Nice to see you again legs." The comment made the other Bellas turn to look at her. "Stacy?"

"Stacy? Huh? Pretty…You never did tell me your first name."

"Right back at you." Stacy replied no one missing the hint of anger in her voice. Beca turned to the woman. "You two know each other? How do you know her!?"

The woman smiled. "Let's just say she had a sweet tooth and I provided the sweets." Beca looked back at Stacy, surprised.

Chloe focus her attention back on Beca. But, it was Lily who was the angriest at Beca. "So… you're not going to any of your appointments then? Because of her!" Lily snapped.

"Jesus! Lily! It's nothing that I can't reschedule. I just want a day to relax. Is that so much to ask for? Besides…What are you going to do about it? Karate chop me to death?" All three Bellas looked at Beca in shock regarding that comment. As it was so not Beca.

"Shall we go?" Asked the woman. Chloe still silently seething about the 'fuck buddy' comment and honestly didn't know what she was talking about, she could feel her eyes well up as Beca grabbed the woman by the neck and kissed her hard, biting her bottom lip before breaking away. Knowingly hurting Chloe. "Yeah, let's go"

The woman turned to Stacy "It was a pleasure seeing you again legs!" Before Chole or everyone else can say anything the two women left the house.

After composing herself with what just happened Chloe turned to Stacy for an explanation. "Care to tell us who she is? What did she mean about 'providing the sweets' I think I know what it means but I want you to tell me. Also, what you know about her."

Stacy sighed and explained. "Firstly, it was something that I wanted to try without all the peer pressure you get in high school. I wanted to try drugs, you know to see what all the fuss was about. College is after all about experimenting before entering the real world. And she provided it…"

"Then, what happened?" Chole asked. "Look, it wasn't my thing, I tried what I wanted to try and it wasn't me and I never touch the stuff again."

"What did you try?" Stacy at first couldn't face Chole but she wasn't really ashamed that she tried it, it was more of a fear for Beca. "Stacy, who is Beca getting involved with? Do we need to worry?"

"It was coke, okay! I tried it, I didn't like it! It wasn't my thing. The answer to your next question is yes you should worry about Beca. That woman is the kind mothers warn their sons about and would be true. Chloe, both you and Lily have some sort of an idea what went on with her in LA and if she was involved in drugs, let's just say she's can get very persuasive…It's just not her you have to worry about…It's also the group she hangs around with…They are not nice people."

Chole looked at Lily who was still hurt from the comment Beca had made. "You know that wasn't her right? She's just having a bad day." Lily turned her anger onto Chloe. "How many times are you going to keep covering for her?"

"Come on Lily you of all people should know what she's going through, you've been there!" Chloe still defended Beca.

"That's it! Can someone tell me what the HELL! Happened to her!?" Stacy all but screamed. Chloe shock her head 'no'. "I'm sorry Stace but I made a promise to her and I intend to keep it. I cannot break her trust. I'm sorry."

"But I can…" Lily spoke. "Lily no!"

"Chloe…Seriously, she's slipping and for some reason she's again taking her anger out on you! I mean what was that little crack about you having a fuck buddy!"

"I don't know…But it still doesn't mean we have to tell Stacy about what happened to her…" Lily faced Stacy and without thinking twice was about to tell Stacy, Beca's secret. "Lily I'm begging you not to…I swear if Beca leaves again that will be on you! And I will never forgive you for it!"

Lily saw how serious Chloe is, she turned her head, knowing she would see the red head's eyes watering and a single tear running down her cheek, she could face the wrath of Beca but seeing Chloe upset was like witnessing a small kitten being mistreated you just wanted to jump in and save it. She also knows that Chloe was right. Beca will bolt again. But, they needed to tell Stacy something to calm the tall brunette down.

Lily turned her head and told Stacey what she wanted to hear. She watched as Chloe shoulders dropped and just heard a soft whisper _'how could you? I would never forgive you.'_

* * *

"So, what do I call you?" Beca asked. "Leah…My name is Leah." Leah turned to the petite woman and smiled. "You have good friends, over protected but good."

"I know and they mean well, but I just wanted to breath for once without people going on and on at me."

"Oh, I know that feeling." Leah again smiled. "So? You and Stacy?" Beca curiosity got the better of her on how the two women know of each other. "You and the red head?"

"Okay fair point…But were you two at one point…" Leah shook her head. "No, we never dated. She just wanted to try the clubbing scene."

"But you providing her the drugs, right?" Leah smiled. "I won't lie to you! Yes, I did! But, I never force her, it was her choice, it wasn't her scene. Now you and the red head. You want to be more then friends?" Beca sighed. "I don't know what I feel towards her."

"Do you love her? Otherwise you wouldn't be anger as you were last night!" Leah saw Beca stuggling. "I don't know what I feel at the moment. I'm just all over the place. You know?"

"Yeah, I understand that. That is why I don't do relationships. I just do sex…"

"Why?" Beca asked. Lean gave a smile. "When you give someone your heart, sooner or later you end up getting hurt. At least you know where you stand with sex."

Beca couldn't deny that. She already had lost one love of her life and she ran instead of facing it, if she and Chloe were to get together it would change everything.

* * *

"She was involved in WHAT!?" Stacy shouted as Lily only told her about Beca involvement with drugs in LA, skipping out a lot of things specially the rape. "I'm going to kick that dwarf's ass!"

"I know your mad but you can't!"

"Watch me! The woman that she is fuck buddy with, is bad news! You can't expect me to keep this quiet!"

Chloe gave Lily some silent thanks, relived showing on her face, as she continued. "You also can't tell Bree…She will kick Beca out for sure." This statement had made Stacy even more angry. "Are you suggesting I should keep this a secret? From Bree? You know I can't do that! You know how Bree is with people keeping secrets from her. You both have already been keeping secrets from her long enough. She's going to go mental! She's comes back tomorrow and god only knows what mood she will be in!"

"I'm not asking you, I'm begging you. Please don't tell Bree." Stacy could see Chloe was desperate and she knew by her actions that she wasn't being told the whole story. "You're hiding something from us, aren't you? Why do I have the feeling that there's more to this?"

"Please don't push it Stacy…I won't stop you from given Beca a lecture about drugs but please don't push me for more details. Let her tell you herself."

"Fine!" Stacy backed down. "But if Bree finds out I'm keeping something from her, you have to do damage control. Bree is the best thing that has happen to me, I love Beca but I be damn if I going to lose Bree over her!"

"Understood." Chloe nodded her head. Stacy looked at the time and excused herself she needed some air and promise to be back in the evening to have a word with Beca.

Watching Stacy leave. Chloe turned to Lily. "Thanks…"

"I did it for you not for her. You understand that your delaying the help that Beca needs. They have the right to know."

"It not for us to tell them." Lily sighed, knowing that no matter what she says Chloe is set in helping Beca regardless the toll it would have on her. Instead of saying everything else Lily did the next best thing and wrapped Chloe in her arms. "She really means that much to you? Doesn't she? Even after everything she's done to you? Still doing to you?"

"More then you ever know." Was Chloe's reply before letting her tears fall.

 **TBC...**


	28. Cracks in the Mirror

**Hi I know it has been long, but I am trying. It's starting to get there! I had to re-read some chapters more then once to get some momentum going. Hope you like and hopefully not wait as long.**

* * *

 **Chapter 28 Cracks in the Mirror**

Beca enter Leah's house and took in the beautiful décor. "Wow! This is not what I was expecting." Leah turned and smiled. "What were you expecting? A drug den?"

"More like a brothel…"

"Ah that's my place of work…This is home…" Leah smiled as she saw Beca smirk. "You still haven't told me your name yet? Unless you want me to call you Willow…"

"As in that chick from Buffy the vampire slayer?" Beca smiled.

"No…As in the dwarf from the film Willow…Classic!" Beca sighed not another film bluff. "Please don't… You can call me Beca."

"Beca…Please feel free to take a seat." Beca did as she was told and sat down on the coffee coloured seat. "You want anything?" Leah asked breaking the tension between them and seeing if she can calm the little spitfire down. Seeing how they both left the previous house and her friends.

"Got any beer?" Leah nodded and took a bottle out of the fridge and handed it over to her. Leah saw Beca take a small brown bottle out of her jacket and asked her a silent question. "Pain killers…I had…ahem…cracked ribs…a couple of weeks back."

"Ah…Abusive girlfriend?"

"Not really…I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay, then what do you want to do? Seeing as you're blowing your plans for today off for little ole me! Someone, I might add that you've barely know…"

"Well…I now know your name and we had the most awesome sex..." Beca paused for some dramatic effect. "…Twice! So, I wouldn't exactly call us strangers now…" Beca smirked

"I guess that's true…So what do you want to do? I mean we can just chill, curl up on the sofa and just chill or we could…" Leah stopped as she followed where Beca's eyes were heading, and smiled. She watched as Beca dropped the two tablets in her hand into her mouth and was impressed at how quickly she polished off the beer in one go. "Thirsty?"

"Enough talk let's go." Beca almost snapped as she roughly wiped her mouth with the back of her hand to remove the spillage of alcohol on her lips, from drinking too fast. "So sexy…" Leah gave a chuckle and smiled, Beca just rolled her eyes her and looked back at her. Both set of eyes matching each other, filling up with arousal before Beca literally grabbed her arm and headed for the bedroom.

* * *

Stacey returned from her walk a bit calmer then when she left. "You okay?" Chloe asked in a worried tone, she knew that Stacey would take the information hard as she and Beca were close during their college years, due to the fact that Beca not once judged her or made jokes about the girl's high sex drive. Unlike the other members of the group including herself and Aubrey that was done in good humour.

"Not really..." Stacey sighed. Try to get her head to process everything that she had been told, still getting told. "...So that night when she went to the hospital for an overdose wasn't a one off? It happened before?"

"Yes, when Aubrey informed Beca's dad, he told her it happened before."

"Wait a minute… Aubrey knows that she was already involved in drugs!? Before that night?" Stacey asked feeling a bit hurt that Aubrey never mentioned it to her and the guilt she felt just minutes before about hiding things from her, disappeared as she found herself getting mad at Aubrey.

Chloe sighed, she didn't realise how much information she was actually hiding from the rest of the Bellas and it was starting to slowly come out, god knows when the entire truth will slip from her mouth and she will need to be prepared for any backlash from all sides. "Yes. But not really much on how much the drugs controlled her life in LA."

"What do you mean? Either I just made myself to feel like a complete idiot! Feeling guilty of hiding something that she ' _doesn't_ ' seemed to know anything about or I'm going to be really pissed at her that she's hiding something from me! I mean come on…" Stacy sounded exasperated as she started pacing, realising within the last six months, Beca's sudden change of character was hard to deal with the more she found out, about her life in LA. "Bree and I should not be hiding things from each other, especially when it comes to try and help a friend out."

Chloe could tell this was killing her as she sounded broken as she's trying to digest it all in. "Stacy, Let me explain. On the day Bree went to stay at yours, She found out about her OD'ing when she was seventeen by Beca's father when she phoned him and broke the news that she was in hospital. They had an argument about her telling me the truth and by the way Beca cut her off in mid sentence, I can only take a guess that she almost died. But before then, Aubrey knew she was taken drugs. Remember? That night we found her and went to the restaurant?" Stacy nodded. "Aubrey took notice on her state and she chewed her out on it before we came back home. But again, she didn't know the exact extent of her habit, that you now know, just only what she herself saw and got told."

Chloe paused again letting Stacy take the information in. "I remember that night, I knew something wasn't right about her. But, I was just so happy to have her back that I didn't see it."

Chloe gave a small smile and gently touch her arm for comfort, before continuing. "… In LA she was finding things a bit hard…Not finding a job and specially not finding anyone interested in her mixes. Reality of the real world had hit her hard."

"So, what? She thought taking drugs will fix it? I know there is more to this story then you both are willingly to share." Chloe and Lily looked at each other knowing that they couldn't tell her the whole truth without breaking Beca's trust.

The truth that was bit by bit taken its toll on the two Bellas in front of her.

Stacey then realise the position that Chloe had put herself in and the stress it was causing her, so she decides to leave the integration for now and give Chloe some breathing space, she sighed. "What's our next step?"

"You're not going to tell Aubrey? About how deeply involve in drugs she was in?" Chloe asked. Stacy again sighed. "What more can I tell her? She already knows about the main issues right?" Stacy saw Chloe nodding her head. "So I guess there's nothing more to tell..."

"Thank you."

"...So to the answer of my question, I repeat what's our next step? How can we help that little troll." Chloe did not miss the hint of anger in Stacy's voice and knows that Stacy will not like her answer.

"It's all down to her. She has been seeking help from a counsellor, but the more we push her about her problems more than likely she will lash out…You saw how she was, this morning."

Stacy gave an inward laugh to herself. "So, you're telling me we have to watch her fall yet again before we can pick her back up? Especially after THAT night?"

"I know it's hard for you to see it but it's the only way. You know how she is, she's a closed book, keeping herself to herself. Hopefully this upcoming event with all the Bellas here will give her the distraction she needs and for her passion for music returns…

"…Once that passion returns we have the old Beca back…you see."

This time Stacy shared a look with Lily not knowing whether she can match Chloe's optimistic attitude or that Chole is delusional that the Beca that they once know and love can resurface, like a Phoenix from its ashes.

However, Stacey still could not help that feeling of dread that something bad was going to happen and whether or not that they can pull through it all as a 'family'.

* * *

"Sorry…" Beca apologised as she pushed Leah aside and headed to the bathroom. Leaving Leah looking on and in bewilderment. Not understanding on what just happened.

She let out a sigh, as she ran the cold tap to wash her face… She took a second staring at the sink, before mastering all the courage to look at herself in the mirror, facing back at her was a soul-less reflection; who's life has been sucked out.

* * *

…It started off well, on their way up the stairs they started to take off each other's jackets, never once breaking the kiss.

As they reach the bedroom after Beca bumping and entering various rooms and Leah managing to stir them both into the right one, their kiss turned twice as hot and twice as passionate. Beca then slowly pushed them forward towards the bed, pushing Leah on top of it and getting rid of the restraints of clothing shielding that beautiful silky skin. Beca did the same and was moving her body on top, continuing with the passionate kiss that had been briefly interrupted. She was letting herself go. Losing… herself in the moment. Holding her breath in when Leah dropped her hand down south; with feather like touches, as she circled around Beca's vagina before plunging in, to take what she had taken before. But, this time it felt different. This time there was no warmth there, no sign of 'life'. Try as she might she could not get anything out of Beca.

Instead, it was like a Venus fly trap, trapping its' prey and instead of feeding to give itself life, it lets the fly go, not getting anything from it.

* * *

It was the reason for the quick apology and the visit to the bathroom, it was also the reason than her lifeless reflection was staring back at her.

It had happened again, like last night. Before the coke had kicked in. She was drier then the Sahara dessert, she couldn't get wet, even though she was aroused and wanted to go through with it. Her body was still protecting itself from harm and from the intrusion, shutting itself down to protecting her further from getting hurt.

She can understand that, her mind can understand that, but for some reason, her mind's not sending the signals into her body for that kind of release and it was still in shut down mode.

Deceiding that she can no longer look at herself in the mirror, she made a fist and punched the soulless reflection not only realising that a) it hurt; as she used the same fist that was still healing from when she punched the wall instead of her step-sister and b) what was one reflection staring back at her, now became twenty little ones; which had now seemed to be mocking her.

"DAMN IT! YOUR MOTHER! …" She swore as looked at her damage fist and the mirror, ignoring the many faces the cracks created staring back at her, traunting her.

She took a deep breathe and slowly began to release it, hoping it would calm her down and slow her heartbeat, before see can master the courage to look back up and once again stare at herself.

With cold, hollow and emotionless eyes she stared hard at the _'faces'_ in the cracked mirror. "What are you looking at?"

She knows _'they_ ' wouldn't answer vocally, but in her paranoia mind, where her nightmares had plagued her in her sleep, where her nightmares was a dark cloud and the reason she was consumed in this personal hell, she heard Kommister's cold hearted voice loud and clear in her image. "Someone who's not worthy of love."

"FUCK YOU!" She said out loud, letting her tears drop and run with the blood that was spilled on her kunckles, before she hit the mirror again.

"FUCK YOU!" She screamed out again, not registering the hands that were placed gently on her shoulders as she let herself dropped down on the cold titled floor.

Not feeling a barrier of warmth had been placed on her shivering naked flesh or the protective arms that were suddenly wrapped round her, shielding her from any more damage that she can cause to herself.

Instead she still feels the evil presence of the woman that had started her downward spiral of being out of control and not being 'loved'

 **TBC**

 **There! Hope you like and once again apologies for the latest... I was going to upload this at the weekend but thought you guys have waited long enough. :)**


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